Working Mom Back To School

Parenting Sucks

2012-02-11T07:01:00.003-06:00

Plain and simple.

Sometimes.

Right now, my kids are doing fine. Bud and Chickie are holding their own at school, and are being pretty decent at home, except for the whole chore thing, but that's another story.

Something our kids don't understand is that, when we decide to have kids, we have no clue what we're getting into. But something that hits us all, but at different stages, is that we'd do anything for those little buggers. For some, as soon as we know there's a "bun in the oven," there's that I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU feeling. For others, it happens when the first flutter is felt...when that little bundle is held in your arms for the first time...after they are done with colic...when we send them off to kindergarten...depends on the person.

I don't know too many parents who wouldn't lay down their lives to help their kids. Literally and figuratively.

My kids feel they are on their own sometimes, as teens/preteens often do. Just as I didn't get it, they don't get that I have felt the way they felt about their schoolwork, friendships, family relationships, hormones, etc. But they also don't get that, if I could take away that pain, I would. I would take on their pain if I knew it would make things easier for them.

No, I am not one of "those parents" who pave their children's path with golden opportunity to experience no suffering at all. There's a certain amount of School of Hard Knocks that everyone has to put themselves through to become the adult they will someday be. They learn what happens when you choose to not do homework, they know what it feels like when a friend ditches them for someone/something else, they don't always win the prize at the birthday party.

But the big stuff - if I could take on their pain, I would.

I would do it for other kids, too. It seems just plain WRONG that children, OUR CHILDREN, have to bear loads that make them old before their time. An abusive parent, a cousin who molests, a neglectful home life, a homeless home life...no child should have to go through that kind of suffering, something brought on just by being who they are. And then there are those kids who are suffering through absolutely no fault of their own or no one else's wrongdoing...

Those are the kids I'd really want to help. If I could take on a little bit of their pain, that would be okay. And if everyone around them could take on just a little bit, I'm sure most people would be happy to do it.

We hold those precious bundles and know we're going to hold them in our hearts forever, but we don't realize it's possible that, someday, that might be the only way we get to hold them.

Don't hold too tightly because you'll stifle who they are meant to be and turn them into fearful people who aren't capable of making decisions for themselves.

But hold on enough so they know you love them even as you give them their wings, and never let them forget it.

God Only Gives Me What I Can Handle

2012-02-04T19:34:00.003-06:00

I have heard this many times over the past week from several different people, all going through different crises. Whether the situation is job-related, school-related, family relations-related, or family health-related, everyone (except those in my grad classes), without fail, has had the same response: GOD ONLY GIVES ME WHAT I CAN HANDLE. That statement is followed up by a tentative, "RIGHT?"

We all want to help our friends carry their burdens. I absolutely LOVE the song by Bill Withers, "Lean On Me." Even though I have enough burdens of my own, I know that sharing the burdens of those I care about helps them tremendously.

My sis,I want to share your load. I know it's not much, but I'm with you in spirit.

Dear Hubby, I share the load your family carries right now. I am horrible at showing it, but I think about it all the time.

My girl JP, I want to share your load. I can't make it all better or even make it sort of okay, but I'm here.

My girl D, I share your load as well. You and your family have been dealt a lousy hand and I pray that you get a mulligan.

My girl A, I am not there for you the way I want to be. I am sorry for that. I'm thinking of you.

My boy J, I want to help carry your burden, too...you haven't said much in quite a while, so I hope that you are healing in mind and spirit.

I honestly don't know if I'm sharing anyone else's burden right now. I know I've been distant now that my classes have resumed. I feel sometimes like I have all the burden I can handle, and that I simply CAN NOT TAKE ON ONE MORE THING. I shouldn't even be blogging right now. But I spent the better part of 10 hours doing homework, and need to think about something else for a few minutes. I feel scatter-brained, like I just can't pull myself together. Every time I turn around, the directions tell me to pull together "document X," and I have NO IDEA what it is. I have an insane amount of work to do tomorrow, yet, too.

But I'm offering a piece of myself to help carry your burden, and I hope you will help me with my burden as well - funny thing, sometimes the burdens we help others carry seem to magnify the burden we already carry, and we all need somebody to lean on...

Thanks to my Hubby, who is the chief burden-bearer for me - he must be crazy to do what he does. I can't figure it out. And thanks to those who remember me in their prayers - "from your mouth to God's ears" is how I figure I only get what I can handle. Thanks to those who let me whine and complain about my job, about my school work, about ANYTHING I want to whine and complain about. Because you take on part of my load, you lighten it enough that I can take on part of someone else's.

What do you do to keep warm?

2012-01-20T05:43:00.011-06:00

When I was a kid, I loved the snow. I grew up in a community where all the kids built snow forts in the drifts next to their houses...we had snowball fights, built snowmen, dragged one another around on sleds up and down the street...went sledding and ice skating...Some "rich kids" had snowmobiles that they took out to the country or "up north" on weekends. I knew VERY few kids who did that, though. Most of us were on the cheap entertainment route. Snow days, of course, were KING. We looooooved that day off - no responsibilities (once shoveling was done), lots of cocoa...those were the days!

My love of the fluffy stuff waned as I moved into my 20s, and eventually died when Chickie was born. For whatever reason, I simply can't get warm once the mercury plummets below 25F. I do feel warm and fuzzy when I see snow on Christmas morning...The first fluffy snowfall, before everyone drives on it and I have to motivate Bud & Chickie to join me in shoveling, is beautiful...

But that's as far as it extends these days.

We in northern Illinois have had a relatively mild winter - can't complain, really. It's been pretty decent since mid-December. However, this month, I've already Googled "Costa Rica homes for sale." I dream of a home where I will have warmth and a cool ocean breeze so that the humidity won't matter. I don't want the oppressive heat of Arizona in August, and I don't want the humidity of Florida in the summertime either. Looks like, if I stay in the continental U.S., northern California is most suited to me - but who can afford that? I dream of the day where Hubby and I can retire, sell the family homestead, and move someplace where "cold" means I have to wear long pants today.

Those of you who work outside for a living - my hat is off to you. I don't know how you do it. Once I got old enough to understand more, I always felt badly for my dad, who worked outdoors a good portion of his day. Worried about how he would stay warm, and whether his company would take pity on him and let him have an extra break to get indoors and warm up. To those who work outdoors, I hope that someone will have mercy and give you a cup of coffee (or cocoa) as they drive by, or that your supervisor will tell you to take an extra break or two so you can get in out of the cold.

As I mentally prepare myself for standing outside at school this morning, unloading Mommy's Precious Cargo from the school buses and cars, my mind is wandering to HGTV's Househunters International and cute, rustic little homes where the trade winds blow...or, at least, the temperature doesn't drop below 50 on a predictable schedule. Later, when I bag my snow pants and heavy mittens so I'm ready to stand outside for 20 minutes in single-digit temperatures, I'll be thinking of heading back inside to a hot cup of coffee. 20 minutes doesn't sound like a lot, but it only takes a few minutes to have frostbite set in...

I'll be packing a packet of handwarmers in my stuff today - those little charcoal-filled, air-activated packets that make your hands sweat if your mittens are heavy enough...snow pants, heavy down mittens, a headband and scarf will go in as well. (no hat, because the headband will fit under my hood and the scarf will help hold it closed around my chin.) Fresh, hot coffee will be sitting on the counter for when I get back inside.

If I were going to be home today, I would probably sit under my heated throw blanket with my latest reading assignment open on my lap. I might brew a cup of Chai tea...the smell is enticing, and it tastes pretty decent, too. We're having homemade chicken soup for dinner tonight - a good comfort food that will warm the body and soul....we have fleece blankets in our family room all winter long, because we keep the house on the cool side (pesky heating bill!)...Chickie and I have fluffy socks that we pad around in as well.

What do you do to keep warm when single-digit temps strike?

Why is it...

2012-01-12T21:04:00.002-06:00

...that people always think they can do someone's job better than the person in that job can do?

Seriously.

Aside from obvious ineptitude and lack of ability, why do we all think we can do SOMEONE'S job better than they can?

We've all done it. Those of us who like to pack our own groceries at the store - we want them "just so," because we know how we want them to be... ok, maybe that's a bad example, because we've all gotten home to discover broken eggs, a yogurt squashed under a can of tomatoes, whatever.

But think about it. We've all done it! I have. I'm not exempt. And I get it regularly from others. Although I happen to think I'm pretty damn good at my job, I'll admit that many (most) aspects of my job can be done by someone with minimal training. After all, it doesn't take a whiz kid to supervise a playground, or to open juice pouches,although sometimes when I insert the straws I pretend I'm a nurse inserting a needle into someone's arm. It's got to be similar, right? Ya gotta have the right angle, and it has to be juuuust under the surface and angling into the deeper part of the pouch, not pushing straight so you push the straw to the back of the pouch and get nowhere...Maybe?

The situations on my job that really irk me typically involve parents. Now, don't get me wrong. I am not one to seek conflict, and I am not usually a confrontational person. But when you work with kids, especially those of parents who are NOT free-range (nods to Lenore Skenazy), you're pretty much screwed.

Some parents think they can do my job better than I can. Well, perhaps some of them can. But probably most of them can't. At least not from their current perspective. Seriously, parents, when I tell your child s/he needs to tie his/her own shoe or ask a friend, it's not to be mean. When I tell them to peel their bananas (from the bottom, "just like the monkeys!") it's not done with the hope that they will starve while they make clumsy attempts to do it on their own. When I tell your darling that they are certainly capable of using an eraser to COMPLETELY erase their boo-boo, it's not to be punitive.

These things are done to help them develop INDEPENDENCE and a SENSE OF PRIDE and some SELF-SUFFICIENCY. If your child is in 2nd grade and can't tie his own shoe, that's a problem. Velcro shoes on a 15-year-old are simply not gonna cut it. Not being able to open your milk carton at age 12 is bully material. And writing multiple times over a letter, erasing it half-heartedly, and writing over it one last time is going to get them a failing grade on any national competency exams.

And when I motion for your child to get out of the car when you are by the curb and yet are still 6 car lengths from the front door, please know that, because I have already been standing out there for 10 minutes, I am quite confident that s/he will most certainly NOT melt in the light rain that is coming down. And when I point your child to the proper place to stand (at the front of the pickup driveway), I do NOT want you to gesture to your child to come running to your car. They will not turn into an iceberg while they wait for you to pull to the front of the line 15 seconds from now, and if you do it "my way" the other 4 children behind yours can be picked up from THEIR appropriate spots just as quickly.

Again, I know you may think your little peanut is much too fragile to be out there "in this weather." But please understand that we know how to get your child (and EVERYONE ELSE'S PRECIOUS CARGO) in or out of the car in the most efficient way. Trust me - WE STAND OUTSIDE while your sweet-pea is cozy either in your car or in the building until you are within 5 car lengths of the pickup area. That crazy blizzard last year? We were outside for 40 minutes loading children into their cars - we want it done as safely and quickly as possible, so we constantly revisit and modify procedures to make it the most efficient system that we can.

I'm glad we had this talk. Now, PLEASE. Would you work with your child on tying his/her shoes so he can move on to 5th grade with this very necessary skill added to his bag of tricks? And would you please allow your children to open their own food packages (including banana peels) at home so that they gain some ability and confidence in themselves? And would you please encourage them to always do their best on their work, and explain to them that you do not expect PERFECTION - simply that they give their best effort?

And have a suggestion on how we can IMPROVE what we do, please respectfully offer that information - but you might also ask us why we do things the way we do instead of automatically jumping to the conclusion that we are somehow picking on your child, not nurturing them, or are stupid? I will try to do the same for you when you don't do what I think you should be doing.

My Christmas Gift

2012-01-09T18:39:00.015-06:00

What a great Christmas! My family and I spent the weekend with my sister and HER family - it was truly a wonderful thing, for our kids to share some special days together. We have never done that before, and we all enjoyed having Bud and Chickie with their cousins Big Sister and Fuzzy - My sister's household made us feel at home. We saw all of our extended family, had some good laughs and some serious moments, and felt like it was one of our best visits in a long time.

My gift this year was a certificate to an upscale (translation: Gold Coast) spa for a facial and massage. As much as I appreciated the thought (I am a professed massage junkie, although I typically receive them in the chiropractor's office as a part of my treatment), I wailed, "I'm going to have to go into the city for this!"

I LOVE the city. Since the first time I visited Chicago's Michigan Avenue and surrounding area 17 years ago, I have loved it. If it weren't so insanely expensive to park for the day (or to pay for 4 people to ride the train), I would be thrilled to go regularly. However, I make it once or twice a year because of the cost and time constraints imposed by work, school, and family obligations...And with school coming up, a spa treatment seemed like an out-of-the-question idea.

Hubby de-fused my concern with a view of his computer screen: he had reserved a king suite for me at a hotel near the spa. I cried. I will refrain from sharing the picture he took, because I look like a wreck. Hubby had been thoughtful enough to schedule the hotel (nonrefundable) for the weekend before I resume my classes, because I would not be able to enjoy the spa after that point.

When we arrived back in our home town, I contacted the spa to schedule my services. Although they had not yet confirmed their appointments for that day, the receptionist was confident that the time we established would work out just fine.

Long story short, I was contacted a few times in the days immediately before my appointment. I assured them that it would NOT be okay to change my time because I could not just come "any old time." We left my appointment "as is," and I packed my bag the next evening. The morning I arrived in the city was gorgeous: chilly, but WARM FOR JANUARY. The sun was gorgeous, and I felt like I had the world by the tail! I meandered the shops on Michigan Avenue and browsed the streets surrounding the location of the spa on an exclusive street intersecting Michigan Avenue. I had a delicious lunch at a little hole-in-the-wall deli a few blocks away, and then began the walk to my appointment. On the way, I got a call from the receptionist, telling me how horrible they felt about the time of my appointment not working out right, and how they were going to increase my services to 1 hour apiece - NOT ONLY THAT, but the entire 2 hours (increased from 1 hr/15 min) of service would be COMPLIMENTARY. So I didn't get in at the time I had expected, but when I did, I was pampered in the fashion which I had expected of an establishment with that address...

I praised the receptionist, telling her that initially I had thought that the spa was only concerned with their regular clientele, and that they were not all that interested in seeing someone like me if it interfered with those regular clients. I told her how pleasantly surprised I was that they went to such great lengths to compensate for their mistake in overbooking, and that I really felt I had been treated specially. The staff who provided services were tipped generously, and I went on my way.

I returned to my hotel room after a few more hours of meandering; I was ready to hunker down with a good book and a glass of wine. I talked to Hubby and related my enjoyment of the tremendous way in which I had been spoiled. He snorted and said, "That's good! I told them they were gonna get sued if they didn't take you!"

WHAT?!

Apparently the receptionist had contacted Hubby to ask for my cell number. Upon finding out they wanted to move my appointment to "another day," he refused to provide my number. He stood his ground, laid out exactly what his expectations were, and defended my need.

Now, you might think that sounds silly: I "needed" to have a massage and a facial. No, of course, I didn't "need" the massage and facial. What I needed was to let go of my stress. I needed to let go of my worries for the weekend. I needed to feel special. I needed to feel like I was the most important person in the world for just a little while.

I had a good laugh. I would have felt like a complete putz, had I known ahead of time - kind of like knowing you got to cut in line in front of others who have been waiting for hours because you're best friends with the owner, or maybe that you figured out Mom had always liked you best and you felt just a little guilty about that. But I still say "KUDOS" to the spa staff, who were professionals in every way. Either they didn't know what had transpired, or they were determined to give me the best of the best so I wouldn't give a bad report to Hubby!

But this experience said more to me than my husband knew exactly what words to use to get what he wanted. It said that he really wanted me to enjoy the day, and that he was willing to go to the necessary lengths to make sure it happened. He probably knew that I would have crumbled had I gotten that phone call saying they needed to change my appointment - as if I were not important enough to be seen, because I am not a "regular," or just happened to have had the dumb luck to be the 2nd of the overbooked people. He insisted on excellence on their part, and I got it. I felt like I was the only person in the world who mattered during the time I was receiving the facial and the massage. I felt special for those two hours.

But here's the really cool thing. I've always known Hubby cares, but in the day-to-day hustle and bustle, it's easy to lose sight of what you mean to one another. This reaffirmed for me that I really IMPORTANT, and I feel special to HIM.

Tis the Season, or Bah Humbug?

2011-12-20T06:43:00.004-06:00

Another year almost gone...where has the time gone? That sounds pretty cliche, but it seems lately like we hit the beginning of the month, things seem to go along okay, and about the 13th or 14th we have hit the 30th already.

Update on Chickie: Meeting with her guidance counselor once a week has helped her get her grades in order. She is showing more pride in her work, and according to the counselor has improved her attitude toward school in general. I'm glad Chickie has someone to talk to, because as is typical of any pre-teen, she isn't sharing information with me...We will have to really stay on top of things in January when she heads back to school - can't risk losing the improved attitude and work ethic after a 2-week break.

For myself, grades are not yet posted. I have no reason to suspect that I will not maintain my 4.0, but will feel better once those grades are out. And - *WHOO HOO*!!! I passed my last state competency exam. It covered content for special educators, and was comprised of a smattering each of reading, math, science and social studies. Let me tell you a little secret - I was never so glad to stop "talking" about reading as I was that day! Frankly, the math and science sections were easier. The social studies - well, it has been 25 years since I had to concern myself with a college government class, and I struggled to answer a few of those questions. But it's DONE, and someday it'll do me some good.

So.

'Tis the Season.

Given that I have been in the throes of project completion, I did not have much time to prepare for the Christmas season. We got our tree early this month, and it is really pretty - not the skinny tree Hubby and I thought we FINALLY had...in fact, it might be wider than the chubby tree Chickie and Bud picked last year. Such is life - there are now 2 seats in the living room from which the TV cannot be seen. Not necessarily a bad thing, but the kids seem to think so. I realized about a week after I lamely decorated that I had forgotten to pull out the boxes containing my snow globe collection. I decided it was too much to get them out this year, but NEXT YEAR I'll remember...no garland on the railings this year, either. Last year the kids surprised me by doing it one evening while I was at school. I guess they forgot, too - we have been awfully busy.

I had bought a few gifts throughout the fall, which helped - we didn't have to really bust heinie to get the shopping taken care of. We also decided to cut back again on how much we spent. In the case of our kids, it does mean that Bud & Chickie are getting "less" than they have in previous years. However, as they get older, their gifts get smaller and more expensive - and they know their lists are chock-full of impossibilities. It doesn't hurt to ask, of course, because YOU NEVER KNOW. At any rate, it was nice to focus on getting them a few things they had asked for and a few things we thought they would enjoy, and also to focus on being creative in keeping the tab as low as possible. We scaled back on the amount spent on extended family members as well. Now, when I say extended family members, we have already cut back in some areas - it's been years since we have bought gifts for our siblings; as the nieces and nephews grow older, we have decided to eliminate them from "the list" once they graduate from high school if they have opted to not attend college. (There are very specific reasons for that, so please - don't assume that we are cheating kids who have decided to work full-time and are only making minimum wage.)

These cutbacks in volume leave us with 4 parents, 4 Godparents (Bud & Chickie's), and 6 nieces and nephews. That's still a lot.

I hate that the money needs to be an issue. I wish that weren't the case. I don't want to give the kids something cheap and junky in the name of giving them a gift. However, if I gave them what I REALLY wanted to give them, I'd be laying out a few hundred dollars that we simply don't have. So I got creative. If any of my sibs read this, I know I can trust them to keep my secret! I bought each of the young'uns a book, and worked out a deal with our school librarian. Sounds strange, but it was fun! Every fall our school conducts a coin drive to help buy materials for the library. We live in a very diverse community (multi-ethnic, multi-cultural, multi-national - however you want to look at it), and it's amazing the coins that those little ones will bring in. We don't know if they're raiding the coin jars at home, or if the parents simply have a bunch of change that just gets mixed up...but our coin drive always nets a couple dozen coins from around the world. So this year I swapped coins. I swapped for the gold-toned American dollar coins (dollar for dollar, of course)...I swapped quarters for similarly-sized coins from other countries, dimes for dime-sized coins, and so on. These coins are truly representative of my community's diversity, and are representative of the diversity in our country. I am hoping that my nieces and nephews are intrigued by the exotic nature of some of the coins, and that they will have fond memories of them as they get older. (I still have a couple of coins my cousin brought home from the Philippines, back in the early 70s. I'm sure the memories of why he was there aren't great to him, but he made a little girl feel special with those unusual coins.) The older niece and nephew are tougher - both college students, both with needs that are too expensive for their aunt and uncle to meet. So it's gift cards for gas or groceries, and a little "something" that, I hope, will let them know we didn't just take the easy way out.

Our parents are tougher...it's hard to cut back on what you spend and still have something that shows the level of respect and caring you want to show. I think we did okay, but it makes me nervous. Will they know we spent time thinking about our decisions, and didn't just grab something off the shelf, something that could be given to anyone?

Of course, we know the REAL "reason for the season." I have felt kind of disconnected from it this year. So busy with my classes, busy trying to keep Chickie on track, busy getting both Bud and Chickie to and from their before- AND after-school activities, busy applying for internships and trying to find a job...the weather here in the Midwest has been uncharacteristically mild, as well. Not that I am complaining about the lack of snow and extreme cold, but it does keep me from recognizing how close Christmas really is. Added to that are the changes the Catholic church recently instituted - recycled stuff from "the old days," as far as I'm concerned. The powers that be can say they want to be true to the Latin, but my feeling is they have pushed us back 40 years. Worrying about language during the Mass rather than the bigger picture is worrisome to me. These changes jangle awkwardly in my ears and come out of my mouth "wrong" every week. It's almost a game to see which of us is gonna get it right, so it has taken some of the reverence out of the Mass...and, quite frankly, it's really distracting. So the Advent season hasn't felt all that special, aside from the family prayers we have done each Sunday and now each day of the last week of Advent as we light the Advent candles on our dining room table.

I don't think I appear grinchy to anyone; distracted, maybe, but not grinchy. I hope that I can connect with the feelings before the end of the week when we get together to celebrate. I miss the excitement and the connectedness.

More difficult than I remember

2011-11-23T06:30:00.003-06:00

Being a middle-schooler is more difficult than I remember.

"Back in the day, before the war," I don't remember 6th grade being too terrible. There was some fear of going to a BIG SCHOOL, WITH OTHER KIDS I DIDN'T KNOW. I can still picture my 6th grade classroom, although the picture is a little hazy...It was my first experience with having a male teacher, too. We had two at my elementary school, but I was never placed in their classrooms. It was strange at first, being in a classroom with only 1/2 of the people being familiar to me...and the 7th and especially 8th grade students were pretty intimidating at lunchtime. We all ate in the cafeteria at the same time, and only once or twice did I get hot lunch - we were a brown-bag family...after lunch, we went outside...it wasn't really a playground, not at that age. "Schoolyard" sounds so pitiful, doesn't it? There was a lot of bullying going on...while my neighborhood itself wasn't "tough," our middle school drew from some pretty tough neighborhoods. They weren't rife with gang activity, but there were a lot of poor families whose history of fighting and bullying were well-known to my dad, who had grown up in those neighborhoods himself. I managed to fly under the bully radar. Although I was certainly victim of some mean comments here and there, I was never really BULLIED in junior high. (And, for the record, it was just under the requisite 1.5 miles to be able to be bused, so my dear sister and I trudged off every morning in all kinds of weather...uphill, through the driving snow, both ways...)

I made it through 6th grade, unscathed, with several new friends and the ability to play the French horn (okay, our band was awful, but I still learned).

Bud had some rough patches early on in 6th grade, and our dining room was the site of many evenings of wailing and gnashing of teeth as he acclimated himself to the rigors of having to prepare his work in a more careful fashion AND to the expectation that all of your work is turned in ON time, ALL the time. But within a few months, with a few minor speedbumps thereafter, he was okay. In fact, I can't recall the last time I looked at any of his work besides to help him proofread reports.

Chickie, on the other hand, is another story. She is really struggling...There is no doubt she is able to do the work. Sure, she has a gap here and there with regard to her math - she went from "general education" math in 5th grade to honors math in 6th grade. But it's nothing we can't "fix" with a little extra work.

She pulled decent grades during the first marking period - not "stellar," but nothing to sneeze at. She did fine, considering the adjustment of being a "buser," going to a new/bigger school, and taking on a heavier courseload with greater expectations. At conferences, I was disappointed with the two comments that repeated among the teachers: talks too much, reads at inappropriate times.

Talks too much? If you've been reading here for a while, you'll know she comes by that honestly. I'm a talker. I could talk about talking all day. (HA) But in the classroom, I don't remember being called out by the teacher too often...I learned when it was okay to talk. Definitely not going to excuse her behavior as "she can't help it." She HAS to help it, and be quiet when it's time to be quiet.

Reading at inappropriate times? Who would have thought you'd have to tell a child to NOT read? Well, my kid apparently needs to hear it. She's banned from having any personal reading materials in any class except language arts.

She's struggling "personally," trying to figure out where she fits in. Other Chickie (same name) picks on her in choir class...other unkind words come her way from other kids in other locations (bus, classroom, cafeteria) - but I don't think it's out-of-the-ordinary-kids-will-be-kids stuff...just seems magnified because she seems to feel adrift. Chickie's friends have a different lunch period (so different from my junior high, where we all had the same lunch period), and she wants to change it...no way to do that without upsetting her entire class schedule, and I'm a firm believer that you have to make lemonade. Besides, I know from personal experience that sometimes the most amazing things happen when you step outside your comfort zone.

She quit turning in her homework...or doing it...or bringing it home.

We've been trying to get her back on track, and she seems to be doing better over the past 7 school days. It's going to be a long process, not without its speedbumps. We know she's not miraculously going to become "perfect," and that she is going to forget things and make mistakes along the way.

Dear Hubby and I have tried to give Chickie every support and tool she needs to be successful. Some stuff you just gotta find out for yourself, and some stuff you just gotta get through because it's what you do at that age.

It doesn't make it less painful to watch, however.

Please keep Chickie in mind - please say a prayer or send positive vibes or whatever it is that you do, that she will become comfortable in her own skin, stop being concerned about impressing other people so that they will magically become her friends, and that she will be confident enough to take control of what she CAN control.

Making Excuses

2011-11-07T01:28:00.003-06:00

Why do we so readily make excuses for ourselves and the ones we love?

We see and do it all the time...

Why didn't your child finish his/her homework? Because they had other activities to participate in last night, so they couldn't get it done.

Why didn't the house get clean? Because I had too many other things to do.

Why didn't we eat a decent, healthful meal? Because I was too busy. (Or because eating GOOD costs too much money!)

Why didn't I follow my conscience? Because I persuaded myself that it wouldn't be a big deal.

I feel like I've been a "victim" of this a lot lately - all sorts of reasons for why things don't get done around the house, why I don't do certain things for those I love, and why I don't take care of my body, mind and soul the way I should.

I say "victim" loosely, as evidenced by the quotation marks. I recognize that I am victimizing myself. Really, when I allow others to influence me - whether to bring me down with their own behavior or to allow me to think it's really going to be okay "if," I am just succumbing to temptation that is already there. When I allow circumstances to lead me astray, I am making excuses for myself to NOT do what my conscience is telling me.

We make excuses because it's easier than living up to our responsibilities and easier than owning up to the fact that we (or someone we love) didn't follow through on their obligations. It's hard to break the cycle, to follow through, to listen to our conscience without feeling like we're not protecting our child, not being loyal to someone, or - heck, just the fact that we "deserve" to have X, or to do X, so why should I NOT do X? After all, I'm a good person, and all that other stuff doesn't pertain to me (or to my loved one).

Sometimes we need a reality check. Where does it come from? Lots of places...but we have to be listening for it.

Rant and Rave

2011-10-20T05:26:00.007-05:00

It's gonna be a rant and rave kind of day....not because today has started out poorly, but - ok, well, as long as I'm ranting, I CAN start out with a little.

Why is it we don't have garbage stickers on a crappy morning? We pay $2.60 per garbage sticker, which you loop around the handle of your garbage can (or stick to the side of a bag). It's a good deal considering what other people pay for monthly waste fees, and encourages recycling. Sometimes in the winter we don't even put out a garbage can (it tends to not smell up the garage in cold weather) each week.

Why is it that it has to be 40 degrees and 50 mph winds on a morning that I have to go out and get a garbage sticker?

Ok. So back to what I REALLY wanted to talk about.

As y'all know, I went back to school last year to work on my MASE (master of special education). For the most part, the instruction has been solid. Some instructors are better than others, of course...sometimes the workload is absolutely overwhelming - seriously, 18 hours per week for ONE CLASS? In what world does that make sense? Some instructors have unusual approaches...and some are

ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE.

When I say terrible, I mean TERRIBLE.

Our cohort has had some who have come in and said, "you know, I thought we'd try something different tonight. If it doesn't work, then I know for next time." And some of those lessons have been great - others, not so much. But you gotta have at least a little respect for a person who says right up front that they're flying by the seat of their pants that day.

There have been some who were really charismatic - so there's a little willingness to overlook certain quirky, unusual behaviors. While it makes getting the work done exceptionally difficult, you are quite entertained by the stories from the front told in the classroom. Some people are more willing to overlook the oddity than others - I, personally, found it rather difficult. I did not want to be spoon-fed, to quote one - I just want some clear directions on what in the world it is you want to see so that I am on the right track. It's not just about getting an A, which I will admit is very important to me. It's about doing the RIGHT THING. Of course I'd like to be an independent thinker - but an independent thinker with some guidelines is really what I'm looking to be.

But when you have someone who flies by the seat of their pants (armed with lots of materials but is not prepared to instruct on their use), does not provide guidelines (because they're unprepared), gives an 18-hour a week workload, and then tells you to Google it if you don't understand? Wow, THAT'S a problem.

To be fair, this person had not planned to teach this course until the week prior to the start date. I can certainly understand not having a handle on every component while we navigated the first few weeks. However, by the 3rd week, I'm thinkin' you really should have a good idea for what's what. And if you don't, you'd better talk to the person whose materials you've either (a) hijacked because it was a week prior to start, or (b) been told to use.

Admittedly, I don't think there's any way I could have picked up these materials and, as a fellow expert in the subject area, been able to teach it. But when each of 18 or so people has paid $1400 to sit in this classroom, you'd damn well better get it together.

Frankly, there are some things that have made it worse.

Lack of charisma is huge. When there's no personality and you inadvertently insult people's ethnicity or their children's educational abilities, you have a relatively flat affect, and you teach from your seat - you're not drawing us in. Even though we range in age from 25-45 and are not used to be entertained by the TV or other electronics 24-7, we still want to be wowed every now and then.

Telling us to Google it doesn't give us confidence that you know what you're doing, and that you're teaching us what we need to be able to do - not to mention, this class is the foundation for another we'll take in a few months, and reading disabilities are the most common...we really need to know what the hell we're doing!

But there are few other things that don't help the situation. Not sharing your resources (i.e., PowerPoint presentations) because, after all, you spent a lot of time making this stuff is mean-spirited, selfish, and not at all in keeping with the spirit of what you are supposed to be doing. You are being paid to impart your knowledge to us, and if you are not willing to share a PowerPoint that took you a day or two to put together but could give us knowledge that would help us do our jobs well, then SHAME ON YOU.

And, of course, the inevitable grumbling of my peers this has led to is very unpleasant. While I am NOT a fan of this instructor, it's interesting to see how "everyone" has turned on this person because of her style (or lack thereof). Feeding off the weak is not cool, no matter how much we do not care for her (think of Piggy, Lord of the Flies)...making fun of certain physical attributes and (lack of) fashion sense is immature and spiteful. Ripping on this person to another instructor is unprofessional - and, I would think, make the other instructor wonder if we talk about them behind their back as well! (Which happens - although it's not "cruel" stuff but student frustration, it still happens.)

What makes it especially difficult is that I like my peers. Most of them I like quite well and - dare I say - will miss them when we're finished next year. Some of them I am even FOND of. I would like to tell them that we have weathered other difficult instructors and we stuck together to get the work done. We have had other instructors who did not give good information, but we knew we needed to do the projects - and so we did. We will make it through this one, too.

It's ugly, but we'll get there.

Where to begin?

2011-10-02T11:14:00.003-05:00

Things have been so crazy that I have not had time to post in the past 3 weeks. I really shouldn't be doing this now, but need to shift my focus back to my school work and I am not quite there yet.

I just completed an application (or, a rough draft thereof) for an education fraternity at the university I am currently attending...am hoping to make some professional contacts and perhaps build a new base of job prospects. The community service piece required will be nice, but since I already do a lot of community service that's not my driving force - although I'm sure volunteering in different arenas will be both refreshing and beneficial.

Classes this term are an absolute nightmare in some ways. The biggest challenge I am facing is an instructor who has the best intentions, I think, but was not prepared to teach the course. The "rules" have changed on a weekly basis, and while I feel sorry for her on several points, I think she and we are not connecting because she has not taken ownership of the class. The previous instructor was test-happy, it would seem, and the new instructor is trying to follow the previous instructor's syllabus. WHY, I ask? WHY? Why do we need to be quizzed each week to see whether we have done our reading? Thank goodness, after 2 weeks she abandoned THAT. It is pretty evident when we respond to questions asked in class that some people have done their reading and others have NOT. It's just a matter of whether she wants to start calling people out on it.

There is a massive project due in the class as well. I am in good position to do well on it from one aspect, given that it's based on conducting reading interventions with a student. But that's where it ends. The "Rules" for how to do it have changed several times based on instructor interpretation and checking in with previous instructor. We have not truly been guided to understanding how to write up the plans or how to write up the other components. We're all sort of shooting in the dark, hoping we do what she's looking for. She has offered to look at the individual components as we finish them, so there's opportunity to fix things as we go - but if you've done something "wrong," it's going to be a week or two before you know it. By the time you do the work, write it up, submit it, and then get it back with comments, it's sort of late in the game, you know?

I cried over this class last week...usually I am able to hold myself together for the first 12 classes and then I start feeling the pressure as the end of the semester nears...however, this time, I don't feel good about the class--what I'm getting out of it or what I'm putting into it. I know my effort is maximum, but is it the right thing? Who knows? Straight answers are few and far between...

The other class? Loving it!

Never Forget

2011-09-10T07:27:00.002-05:00

I am like tens of thousands of other Americans who are remembering 9/11...I try not to dwell on it, because it hits me like nothing else ever has in my life. But I can't forget it, nor do I think I should.

Pre-9/11, I was a stay-at-home mom with 2 little 'uns, and husband who worked in the Sears Tower. On September 10, 2011, it was the tallest building in the world, and Hubby worked on a floor very near the top. He had a good job, we had a typical middle-class life, Bud was beginning preschool the next day, and Chickie would experience being "the only" for a few hours while Bud went to school.

The morning of 9/11, a beautifully sunny morning, Mommy Dearest (my mom) called...amid the racket of Barney, or whatever, on PBS and a last-minute game of "check the backpack," Mommy Dearest said, "turn on the news - a plane just flew into one of the buildings at the World Trade Center!" Of course, Bud & Chickie were less than enthused about losing Barney for The Today Show, but those were the days when I was in charge so they went off to play.

My first thought was, "oh, boy....some air traffic controller is going to be in a world of $&*t over this one!" I called Hubby and told him he needed to check out the news. But then, just a few minutes later, I watched a second plane hit another building. I was confused. Wait a minute. This can't be an air traffic controller issue. This can't be a plane that went out of control.

Yet, my mind couldn't sort it out. I called Hubby, or he called me...I can't remember which. We talked, but I don't remember what we said. I remember telling him I was worried...I took Bud to preschool, not knowing what else to do. I remember talking to Hubby one more time as I left our subdivision - distinctly remember where I was, pulling out onto the state highway our neighborhood bordered. I said, "I don't know what's going on, just PLEASE COME HOME." Hubby said it was too chaotic downtown, that Union Station was so overfilled with people that he didn't think it was safe at that point, but that he'd be home as soon as he could. The events of the day would have prevented much work from being done, and ... way up at the top of the Sears Tower? What's next?

Bud's teachers were expecting their full class, and would call if anything changed the plan for the day. I l headed for home, and saw the Pentagon get hit...and heard of a plane crash in a field in Pennsylvania...Chickie, bless her little heart, was oblivious. She was playing in another room, long having given up hope of having either Mom or the TV that morning. Hubby was still at his office , waiting for the panic in the city to dwindle enough that he felt safe heading for the train. I remember wondering why he didn't just take a cab. Yes, it would have been expensive - but he would have gotten OUT. Of course, in retrospect, I can imagine the expressways were in worse condition than Union Station. But panic and confusion do that to people - you grasp at whatever you can.

When I retrieved Bud from his first day of preschool, all I remember is the look on his face - "DEAR GOD, WOMAN - YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU WERE GOING TO LEAVE ME HERE!" It was a bright moment, having my little guy back. He enjoyed school, but didn't really care if he went back...

Somewhere in the midst of all of this, I managed to squeeze in a trip to Meijer. Why did I go to Meijer? For no reason other than to get away from the TV, I suppose. Meijer was a ghost town...there were precious few customers shopping, and probably fewer employees on the job. I remember walking through the bakery department, and the baker and I had a conversation about the events of the morning. He assured me that Hubby would be home, safe and sound, just as soon as it made sense to get out. I can't say what he looked like, but he was a kind man. Those trite words at the end of our conversation gave me a little hope.

Hubby made it onto the 12:30 train...Good, considering how many people commute every day - and they were all trying to get on the trains at the same time. I wonder how many of them never even got off their in-bound train that morning--just stayed on and rode back home? Whatever the case, I'm sure everyone at home was grateful when their loved one arrived home again...whatever little injuries someone might have sustained in the crunch of the crowd was NOTHING compared to what was going on elsewhere. We just sat together, not knowing what to say.

I can't imagine what it was like for teachers that day...older grades wanting answers, cramming into whatever rooms might have had TVs...teachers trying to keep a stiff upper lip, trying to soothe and console, and give those answers...teachers with younger students, trying to carry on as if it were just any ordinary beautiful September day...Who held their hands? How did they manage their concerns about loved ones when they couldn't freely access phones, e-mail, etc.?

The sadness and craziness of the months that followed still lingers in the air, as well...the search for bodies for months to come was horrible to watch. I remember, for weeks, hoping they would find more survivors. Praying that something would be found so that families waiting for news could find closure of some sort. Mayor Daley plowing up Meigs Field in the middle of the night to try to protect Chicago from perceived threats...

10 years later, 9/11 is still painful. I didn't lose anyone in the crashes, and didn't know anyone at that time who lost a loved one. However, there was a lot lost. I guess this may be how people felt about December 7...Pearl Harbor, I would think must have left Americans feeling much the same. Confused...why did this happen, how did we not see it coming? I still wonder how a group of people could hate me just because of accident of birth...I think I live my life pretty decently, not with intentionally harming, insulting, persecuting, or discriminating against others. Yes, I do have a higher standard of living than that of most other people in the world. But am I a bad person because of it? I don't think so....or am I? I just don't know. Sometimes I feel like the bratty kid who doesn't realize they're bratty because they've always "HAD."

It's difficult when Bud & Chickie have questions. They were so young - they have no personal memories of 9/11, only those shared by others. We have set our DVR (yes, privilege) to record several shows this weekend, believing it's important for them to see what happened that day, if only in retrospect. It's one thing to hear the stories of others, but they are now old enough to SEE the events of the day and hear the recollections of those who were there, or who lost someone to the tragedy.

Don't know if I'll ever really UNDERSTAND what happened. But I'm praying someday that I won't catch my breath when I see photos...or when a plane flying overhead, for some crazy reason, flashes me to a place I was not...or on certain days when I look at my license plate (a plate whose extra fee goes to the survivors' fund)....or when I watch a parade and stand for the brave men and women who have served our country - whether soldier, firefighter, police officer, paramedic...

I pray for all who feel anger or loss. On both sides of the fence.

Entertainment in the Car

2011-09-01T05:41:00.005-05:00

As I was on my way home from class at 8:30 last night, I saw something that made me sad and somewhat angry. Yes, I know those are not the most descriptive words - "sad and mad" are words I encourage the 2nd graders I work with to REPLACE. YOU CAN DO BETTER. But they work for me today.

I saw a parent from my neighborhood ahead of me...their child (I'm assuming) was in the back seat, and the child was watching a movie on the flip-down DVD screen.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

This is something that has bugged me since DVD players in cars really took off several years ago.

In the interest of full disclosure, back in 1999 when Dear Hubby and I bought a full-size GMC van, we were somewhat pleased that there was a TV with a VCR (yeah, a VCR) stationed between the driver and front passenger seats. Bud was a little guy then, and traveling 350+ miles to visit family with a baby-on-the-brink-of-toddlerdom and one more on the way made the VCR a wonderful thing. When the van needed to be replaced in 2006, we avoided the minivan with the flip-down DVD screen - why in the world would we pay an extra $2000 for it when we could just use a laptop on those long trips? And now it's completely unnecessary. Bud & Chickie are able to entertain themselves on a trip. After all, they ARE 13 and 11 years old.

So, back to my gripe.

What's with people who have to "entertain" their kids on the way to and from the grocery store, or wherever ELSE around town? How about taking note of where you are by noting landmarks, so that your kid might stand a chance of getting home on their own someday? How about working on those pesky times tables (for the older ones)? How about a sing-along with whatever happens to come on the radio, or with your personal choice from a CD or iPod (on a car system, of course). How about TALKING TO EACH OTHER? You're running around town, fer cryin' out loud - not driving cross-country. I am no stranger to "my kid cried the ENTIRE 12 MILES THROUGH 43 TRAFFIC LIGHTS," and YES - I agree, it's NOT FUN. But SHEESH! Learn to tune them out, sing along with the music, whatever. The electronic babysitter does not have to be on the job in the house AND out of the house!

Do you remember what we used to do in the car, BDVD (before DVD)?

License Plate Bingo...which you don't even have to play as BINGO. You can just keep track of which states you see plates from. Obviously, this is a long-haul game, and very difficult to do around town. But once, about 2 miles from our house, we spotted a plate from HAWAII. So you never know.

ABCs from billboards, cars, stores, etc. You can play this around town OR on long trips. Start at A, and work your way to Z. Yes, Q, X and Z can be a real beast...but that stretches the game out, and there is a "thrill of the hunt" feeling when you are trying to beat out your competitive spouse...er, um, big brother...to get the X first!!

I'm Going on a Picnic..."I'm going on a picnic, and I'm going to take an Apple." "I'm going on a picnic, and I'm going to take a Book and an Apple." "I'm going on a picnic, and I'm going to take Calamari, a Book, and an Apple." The more outrageous, the more likely our kids were to remember all the way through Z.

I Spy something blue...YES, this can be tough in a moving car. Things have a tendency to not be where they were a few seconds ago. But if you're sitting in traffic, this is easy-peasy.

20 Questions. We take some of the work out of this one. We don't count Animal/Vegetable/Mineral or Living/Non-Living as questions. With Bud, who has a tendency to come up with things such as "air" and truly bizarre scientific stuff, this helps. It also helps that we don't actually limit it to 20 questions. We work at it until we get it or are forced to give up. (Yes, we still play. We have to MAKE Bud play now, and have to remind Chickie to not get weird in her choices, but we still play.)

Slug Bug - minus the "slug," if you choose...this game was called "Zip" by an ex-uncle, and that's how OUR family learned to play it. I even got my in-laws on board with it when Hubby and I were still in the dating phase...in the lean years (prior to the re-introduction of the Beetle, the in-laws added "Zippity-Doo-Dah" to the game, which is "calling" the PT Cruisers they'd see. We have added many variations through the years...Hubby and I worked on colors - the goal was to have the most colors by the end of the weekend, and if you spotted an OLD bug, you could call ANY COLOR YOU WANTED...so we'd pick the most unusual color...Vapor...Gold...whatever. We actually kept track on a notepad for a few years...and if there were a holiday on a Monday, like the upcoming Labor Day, the weekend spanned from Friday evening through Monday evening. It was tough!!

Tell a story. Start out with a once-upon-a-time, and take turns adding a story detail. This can be a tough one, but if you start them out young, they will use that creativity they have a tendency to lose as they reach the end of their single-digit years.

Rock-Paper-Scissors. Plain and simple, no equipment needed.

There are any number of things you can do to modify these things to entertain your own kids in a way that reels them in, like the modifications to Slug Bug that our family has used.

For those whose kids need visuals, there are TONS of activities made just for the car. If you Google "travel games," there are magnetic games GALORE that pop up. Checkers, Memory, Backgammon, etc....

Brain Quest cards are great. Of course, they get to be "too easy" once you've gone through the same set several times, but then you get a new one. Or move on to something else.

We have a couple of different Bingo cards like this... http://www.rei.com/product/824154/regal-games-travel-bingo-game?cm_mmc=cse_pricegrabber-_-datafeed-_-product-_-824154&mr:referralID=5397c64a-d48a-11e0-9e9c-001b2166c62d I don't remember where we got ours, but these are STILL in the car, although Bud and Chickie no longer want to use them. I keep 'em for "newbies" who aren't used to entertaining themselves without electronics.

If ya GOTTA have electronics, there are things like 20Q, hand-held Yahtzee, Simon, etc. It doesn't have to be a GameBoy or DS, if you're trying to get your kids to do something ELSE.

But... really... TV around town? That's absolutely pitiful. Your poor kids need you. Pay attention to them.

Back to the Grind

2011-08-29T05:57:00.003-05:00

Last Monday, I returned to work...sigh....

Don't get me wrong, I love my job...but it was somewhat poorly-timed. I finished my summer classes a few weeks prior, and tried to GET SOME STUFF DONE around the house. Unfortunately, I didn't get as much done as I should have, or as much as I wanted to get done.

Didn't get to Six Flags with the hubby & kids.

Didn't get much veggie time, either.

I did get that endorsement, which doesn't seem to be having much impact yet.

Made it into the city for a party one weekend, and for a White Sox game the next weekend (which they won, anyway), and that was about it. Parents came to visit the weekend before I returned to work. But, overall, not the most fun summer on record.

This week it's back to the FULL grind...Tuesday evening my classes resume. Tuesday's class is all about reading disabilities, and Wednesday's is about written language disorders. Both are areas that are near & dear to me, and they are areas that students with learning disabilities struggle with the most.

Why am I not excited? Maybe because TUESDAY/WEDNESDAY is less appealing than TUESDAY/THURSDAY...Maybe because poor Bud & Chickie will look back and remember this as the summer where we did nothing. (Or, more likely, they won't remember at all BECAUSE they didn't do anything.) Maybe because my husband will again be bearing the weight of almost everything around the house. Maybe because I doubled my student loan debt by beginning the new school year. Maybe because I am feeling like school might be a futile venture. Maybe I'm burned out, even though I just returned to work.

Maybe I need an attitude adjustment.

What do you do to kick-start yourself when you feel like you are spinning your wheels?

Why do I do this to myself?

2011-08-16T05:20:00.007-05:00

I finished my classes (for the summer) 2 weeks ago. I did a little vegetating, plowed through a book (and 3/4 of another), and have spent a lot of time playing on a social media site...Those Zombies won't kill themselves, and the time spent doing Scrabble-type puzzles with my husband is a highlight of my day (unless I'm losing).

The time hasn't been all leisure-in-the-sun stuff, however. I have also ripped out the overgrown junk in my garden and re-planted some deeply-reduced-price pepper and tomato plants in the hope that all is not lost for the season. (The bed at left is NOT mine; however, forums.gardenweb.com did such a great job capturing the essence that I give them credit and use their pic here.)

I also got bit by the "this damn carpet is absolutely GROSS. I can't BELIEVE you people don't see this!" bug, and shampooed 4 rooms and the visible area in 1 more room...There wasn't time to move EVERYTHING in that last room, but the visible area got clean, so I'm content with that.

The carpet cleaning, of course, began the day of a birthday barbeque we were to attend, thus necessitating the work stoppage so we had time to prepare food to take with us, and then spending the evening at the party. It was fun, and well worth it, but it takes from work time, y'know? The cleaning was finished the next morning - after we returned from the early church service, and before I took Chickie for a hair cut, and before Dear Hubby and I went off to dinner to celebrate our 18th anniversary. Yes, we celebrate differently than we did back in the early days. Clean carpet, kids' hair cuts, etc., THEN dinner. Chores first, fun later.

My daughter and I agreed that her room would be painted this summer. Did it get done before now? HAHAHAHAHA It's not for lack of prep effort. Ok, yeah, in part it IS due to lack of effort. See, back when Chickie was a toddler, I painted her room a pale yellow...hand-painted a GIGANTIC purple tulip over her bed...hand-painted a couple of trellises on the walls, did rub-off stencils of flowers and butterflies ALL OVER THE PLACE, and then dragged my feet on her requests for repainting over the past few years because I knew removing those stencils was going to be a PAIN IN THE REAR. I did a search of "how to remove" them, and found "use rubbing alcohol on cotton balls" was the most generally recommended technique. I figured, "meh, why not? She can work on it all summer while I do homework. When I'm done with school in August, she should be done." Let's just say that the electric palm sander with 60-grit sandpaper could have done the job in a weekend, rather than letting (making) her work on it all summer long.

So last week I did get the palm sander out...I buffed over the tulip I so lovingly painted 8 years ago, and over the trellises...and over the rougher spots where she had removed the rub-offs. Then we discovered it was really good for removing the flowers and butterflies she had not yet gotten to. Yesterday I applied primer over the tulip and trellises, and over the spackled spots where the alcohol (or sandpaper) took just a l-i-t-t-l-e too much beyond the object of intent. In a few minutes, poor Chickie will be ousted from her cozy little bed so I can paint the ceiling before going for a massage. Now, before you say that I am selfish for making

her get up at 6 a.m. so I can get a MASSAGE, I do need to say that I am in great need of having a few muscles loosen up (for the first few minutes each morning, I have been walking like a 70-year-old), and the massage has already been paid for. And why go for a massage, only to mess it up by painting a ceiling?! I think I'm being smart about it. (Just an aside, for those who have been the recipient of a massage given by a licensed massage therapist, have you ever wondered why, when you see a picture of someone getting a massage, they are always lying with their heads turned to the side? Where's the mini face-opening cushion thing? You can't work the kinks out of muscles if your head is turned, or if your arms are cushioning your head! DUH! I would have included a picture of a massage, but they all have it perfectly wrong.)

I am hoping we have the actual paint tomorrow...I go back to work on Monday, and the darlings return on Wednesday. The following week I return to school myself, so it MUST BE DONE by then. Or, at least, by the end of the following weekend, which is Labor Day, where I will have one extra day to work with.

Naturally, in the midst of this, my parents are visiting. To be fair, my parents haven't come to our house in almost 14 months because they have been trying to respect the sanctity of the study space...they wanted to stay out of my way while I was in school. The previous 2 weekends this month where I was free they were not. So they will be rolling in Thursday (probably before I finish tutoring at noon, if I know my parents - they will be on the road before dawn), and will stay until, I believe, Monday. I'm GLAD THEY'RE COMING. They're my parents. Of course they're welcome! They're also the only people who ever come to visit. So that means I'm going to have to get Chickie's furniture (dresser, nightstand, laundry baskets full of her clothing) out of the hallway so they don't risk breaking toes as they walk to Bud's room (their accommodations while they are here). Which also means I won't be doing any painting because the furniture will be in her room again. Not that I would paint while they're here. But you get the point - once it's back in there, then you have to haul it out again.

Anyway, it's time to boot Chickie out of her nest so I can try to get the ceiling done and be at a massage appointment in 2 hours.

I'll let you know how THAT works out.

Round 1 Complete, to the Victor Go the Spoils

2011-08-09T15:40:00.007-05:00

So. Notice anything different? No? Look a little more closely. Still don't see it? Really?

Ok, I finished the endorsement part of my coursework! Whoot! Hooray for me! Go team!

*Chirp chirp chirp*

Now what?

*Scratching my head* Hm. That's a mighty fine question!

I have completed courses in introductory special ed, diversity and special ed, child psych, teaching empathy, dealing with problem behaviors, assessment of special ed, math and science interventions, assistive tech and augmentative communication, differentiation/collaboration/transition...

That sounds like pretty fancy stuff, huh? The wonderful state in which I reside considers it enough to give me a special education endorsement on my English certification.

I was hoping that this would open some doors for me - you know, now I'm not only qualified to teach English and Language Arts-related courses for grades 6-12 (and elementary language arts programs, if there were such a beast), I can also teach special education classes related to my content area as well as any other special ed classes deemed appropriate by admin based on the LBS1 exam I ROCKED back in April.

Not to worry....2nd and 3rd week of August are when things really start to shake out - that's when districts have a better idea for what their head counts are going to be, and that's when the calls start coming in. That's how it happened "last time" I applied for a teaching position, that's when I got my previous 2 jobs, that's when most people I know have gotten calls, interviews, and hired.

*Chirp*

That is not the sound of a voice mail being left on my phone, asking me to call for an interview.

That is the sound of the cricket living in my phone, waiting for a call to come in and interview.

As I look back at the list of positions I have applied for, I find myself trying to figure out just what it is that I don't have that they are looking for (or "have," that they DON'T want)...after 67 applications for specific jobs and 2 more for "when you have an opening" applications, I was sorta hoping for a call. A few would be nice, but I'm not greedy. One would be good (with a reasonable offer attached, of course).

Is it my age? No, they can't ask, but they can sure as heck figure it out based on my college transcripts. (Just an aside to any people in the HR area: I am done having children, done moving across the country to follow my husband's job, I am more savvy than I was when I earned my BSEd, I'm already working on the MASE so you don't have to reimburse me for coursework, and I have a solid 20 years left - maybe more, if you play your cards right. That's pretty good stuff, don't you think?)

Is it that I had to list, "Yes, I have been asked to resign, not had a contract renewed, or been let go"? (Another aside, it does say in the space below that the placement was not appropriate. In an interview, I'd remind you of the days where newbies didn't have mentors, and laud the benefits of mentoring programs in helping newbies through those tough spots instead of leaving them to feel like a foreigner, an outsider. Further, I'd remind you that I am more savvy than I was "back then," and the combination of a mentor and some savvy make me a to-die-for candidate.)

Or is it something that I just can't see? Because, to be honest, those are the only things that stand out to me.

To be fair, I have a job I love. I also have my schedule loaded with Master's classes for the fall, and am on track for finishing the Master's in a year.

But I'd sure feel better if the phone would ring.

The Guilt Got To Me

2011-07-29T08:10:00.004-05:00

It happened...finally. I have been able to push back the guilt of looking at my kids' disappointed faces when I say, "We can't do that today - I have homework to do."

Until yesterday.

Chickie has been saving gift cards from Target...she wants a video game...Wii Resort, I think. She asked yesterday whether I would take her to Target. I gave the standard, "I am right in the middle of 2 huge projects...due next week...I can't take you."

She gave a tiny smile and said, "Okay."

As she walked away, however, her shoulders dropped.

Sigh.

I got up from the kitchen table and called her name...touched her shoulder and asked why she was sad. She got a little teary, but said she wasn't sad. I said I hated it that I had to always use that as an excuse - that homework has to come first, and that she and Bud are always having to put their wishes on hold because I'm not available to them.

She got a little more teary, and so did I....I told her I wouldn't do any homework tomorrow (now today), that she and I would go to Target, we'd go to Old Navy to check out the on-sale-today-and-tomorrow-only shirts, and that we would NOT do any grocery shopping while we're out. (Sorry, Chickie, just found out the pooch has NO food left - we'll have to at least pick that up so he doesn't waste away before Saturday. Sorry, Dear Hubby, I told her the two of us would grocery shop on Saturday...)

We already have plans as a family this evening, and they don't involve doing chores or returning the loft & foyer to "normal" after painters were here LAST Friday. So Chickie is going to get a good dose of family time. Today, anyway.

So much for my "I am going to get all of this done FRIDAY. I don't want it hanging over my head!"

But sometimes the family has to come first.

I hate having to be a grown-up and prioritize things that are equally important, in my eyes. I hate being in a position of having to make choices. I want the choices to be easy. I knew grad school wasn't going to be easy. I never wanted it to be handed to me on a silver platter - really, I didn't. I still don't.

What keeps popping into my head, however, is that by the time I am done, Bud will be a freshman and Chickie will be a 7th grader...both teen/on-the-cusp-of-teendom, and I will have missed out on SO MANY THINGS. So many things. I've already missed band concerts and the like, will miss more this year in addition to choir concerts, and am the worst Girl Scout leader in the history of ... well, you get the idea. In spite of the fact that Bud and Chickie are typical teens/preteens who are surly and sassy, I am missing on the pleasant moments and only dealing with the surly and sassy stuff. In a few short weeks, the kids will be back to school and I'll be back to work on top of still being in school. I'll miss even more.

I'm going to enjoy this morning.

What does opportunity mean?

2011-07-28T05:27:00.005-05:00

Phew, I can't believe it's been 3 weeks since I've been out here! During that time I've been taking a class on collaboration and differentiation...differentiation, for those not in the know, is teaching to a particular child's level of need. Ideally, of course, we would differentiate for every child, individually. Realistically, if a teacher is able to pull it off, s/he would differentiate for 3 levels of instruction and boost individuals as needed. Yes, it sounds and looks like a 3-ring circus a good part of the time, but it WORKS. I'm fortunate to have seen it in action in my building. Collaboration, naturally, is being able to work together to arrive at and commit to the most appropriate option. Just as an aside, that's not going so well with the group to which I have been assigned to work...oh, the irony.

The train is now back on track...

I heard a comment on a radio talk show last week that stuck in my head. I am summarizing the statement because it was part of a long statement that would have been impossible to remember.

Equal opportunity is not a guarantee of equal results.

Now, please understand that the speaker was not talking about equal opportunity as relates to a job search or employment. Nor was he referring to any minority group.

Because it was a talk show, the person was expressing his opinion on the expectation that people have of getting their piece of the pie, so to speak. If you get X, then I want X. That could be "If you get a 10% discount at the store, I want a 10% discount, too." "If you get a full-ride scholarship, I should get one, too." Think, too, of the times you've said to your kids, "I told you both if you cleaned your room that I would take you to the movies. Your brother did it and you didn't, so you don't get to go."

One friend I talked to said that "equal opportunity" does not take into account individual ability or talent.

Is this another situation where perception is key? Do perceptions have to be aside to provide equal opportunity? Is it a free-for-all so that everyone can have the same opportunity? Does the potential recipient of the opportunity have to do some searching to decide whether it's an opportunity they want, or should they just automatically get it? Is it fair or not if the end result isn't the same? Is there accountability for how individuals take that opportunity and arrive at the outcome?

Action Itself or Purpose Behind It? Meaning or Perception?

2011-07-07T05:57:00.009-05:00

Recently, I found The Jack B, specifically a post titled "Mean Girls Come From Mean Moms." This really struck a chord with me, because with my job I see examples of this ALL. THE. TIME. It is shameful to see kindergartners snubbing classmates because they don't have the right jeans...And almost invariably, that little darlin' has a mom who treats others the same way. We have all come into contact with those parents - the ones who make excuses - "Oh, she didn't know she was hurting your daughter's feelings; you feel bad, don't you, honey?" "My daughter would never 'X'." Those parents who live vicariously through their daughters, pushing them to be everything Mom was, or wanted to be, to be the most popular girl(s) in school...They turn into the girls who say "only just a little" mean things - just enough to make someone question whether they did something to deserve it, just enough to make someone feel badly about themselves, just enough to make someone feel like they aren't good enough and never will BE good enough.

Sadly, that doesn't change as women get older - or men, that matter. Kind of the "once a bully, always a bully" thing. Remember Biff from "Back to the Future"? He was a bully in high school and continued the pattern as an adult. Yeah, I know that's an old reference. but I am of the appropriate age to remember it, so just go with it. I enjoy a particular social networking site, perhaps more than I should...but I use it to stay in touch with old friends, play some fun games, and occasionally catch a snippet of news or social commentary that is thought-provoking. Recently, I made a comment on a work friend's posting, to which a former co-worker responded in a...ok, I'll say it...bitchy way, implying that I have less than half a brain. While I would have been up for a discussion about my point or even would have been fine with an explanation as to why my comment was invalid, I was taken aback by the disdainful tone in her post. I spent some time licking the wounds, wondering why someone would be deliberately insulting "at someone else's house" (which is how I think of each person's home page), and thinking perhaps if her husband weren't an expert in that field she would not have had "the perfect answer" either. And then I moved on. I know, it might not seem like it, but I did. She means nothing in my life, other than to have sparked me to do a little digging on adult female bullies. No, I don't think she was necessarily being a bully (I think that word is overused lately), but she was definitely being snotty...

In an article published in 2009, Peggy Klaus stated that women don't like to talk about bullying because it's counter to our nurturing side. However, the same article states that 40% of workplace bullies are women. In the same article, Gary Namie stated that women perhaps bully because they think other women won't respond with the same level of aggression, and thus the bully gets what she wants.

The Workplace Bullying Institute posed a few suggestions as to why women bully one another on the job: Employers create the environment that perpetuates the behavior (probably true), the double standard is thriving (bitchy, where women are concerned; men are just "go-getters"), women are less likely to confront their bullies, most bullies are bosses, women are "programmed" to judge other women from childhood, and young girls constantly have their personal boundaries violated and thus continue the pattern as adults.

What do we, the commoners, know about bullying amongst women (and their offspring)? Those of us who are women can go back to our own childhoods and recall instances where we were bullied - and were the bullies...they generally have a common thread, don't they? Bullies are sneaky most of the time. They do things when no one in a position of authority can observe the behavior, or when the target is not likely to speak up. Think about the nudge in the hallway you gave the weird girl - was she REALLY going to confront you? Of course not! You probably didn't MEAN to bump into her; you must not have realized it, because you gave no indication that you knew you made contact. At least, that's what SHE wanted to think. Remember the time you were in the girls' bathroom, when Sally Sue told you your hair looked ugly, and your face was like a pizza. Why did she wait until you were in the bathroom? Because there were no adults to impress, and she could make herself feel better about the big ol' zit popping out on her chin.

Moving on to adulthood, we see similarities in the way bullies carry out their actions. We see "crazy moms" who torment teenage girls so their own precious darling can become captain of the cheerleading squad. We see adults who invite all the moms but one to the weekly coffee klatsch. We see men who abuse one another on the basketball court all in the name of good fun. There are adults who coordinate events at their local elementary school that most adults find inappropriate for the age, but "My little Abbie LOOOOOOVES to dance with boys! What a shame your little Missy hasn't 'found' boys yet!"

Lest you think I'm ripping off The Jack B., I will move on to a thought that occurred to me as I pondered recent events: Is bullying about the action itself, or the purpose it serves? Without a doubt, actions are manifestation of purposes. But if the offender didn't intend to be cruel, or to build themselves up at the detriment of others, is it still bullying?

Example: you go to a restaurant with a friend, and you order an appetizer of calamari. You ADORE calamari. Your friend has had it once, deep-fried, and didn't enjoy it...you cajole her into trying it sans batter...it takes a lot of encouragement, but she finally tries it. She doesn't like it any better than she did the first time, and is left with a bad taste in her mouth (yes, it was intentional) - she didn't like the food, and she resents that you pushed her to do something she didn't want to do. Were you bullying, or were you trying to encourage your friend to try something in the hopes that you would have (another) common "like"?

I could come up with other examples if I were to think about it, and I can think back to two occasions where I convinced (1) a friend and (2) one of my sisters to do something she didn't want to do, only to have both instances end in disaster. I was well-intentioned, but probably should have backed off when (1) friend and (2) sister said, in their own ways, "I dunno........that doesn't seem like a very good idea...." (Sorry, sis, about telling you to go out with that guy...)

The example is similar to something that happened to Chickie last week. In Chickie's case, as the dramatic retelling unfolded behind me in the car, Chickie's friend complained that she hadn't wanted to do something, and Chickie "made" her do it (which, in this case, she could not have MADE her DO IT, but obviously MADE her FEEL LIKE SHE HAD TO)...I didn't want to get into the middle of something I thought they could resolve, so I noncommittally and very absent-mindedly said, "well, on the other hand, if you hadn't tried X, you wouldn't know for sure you didn't like it...." Still in the car with the friend, I reminded Chickie of a few instances where she had been terrified to do something and we (her parents) had not forced her to try the activity - instead, we allowed her to come to it when she was ready. Chickie received a note from her friend the next day, angrily pointing out that "My mom said you were bullying me," and "you shouldn't have made me." Both were valid points, and for a child who sometimes has difficulty expressing her feelings, the friend probably needed help arriving at that. I asked Chickie how she felt about the letter. She agreed that, yes, her behavior had been inappropriate - but that she hadn't realized it could be perceived as bullying behavior. I said bullying was kinda sneaky that way, that sometimes it's not so much about what we MEANT, but about how it's PERCEIVED.

I gave Chickie some time to think about how to handle the situation...I knew I certainly wasn't going to call the mother and make apologies for my daughter. For one thing, Chickie is 11 years old and has to start accepting responsibility for what she does. Another thing was that I knew Chickie's intent - she wanted her friend to try going on a water slide, which "might" have been scary, but was well-supervised and just "might" have ended up being fun. Do I agree with "making" the friend do it? No, but I also know Chickie could not have actually FORCED her friend to get onto the stairs to get to the slide. But I also know peer pressure makes us all do things we might not do otherwise, all in the name of keeping a friend (who may not be a friend after all, if they're forcing you to do something)...Plus there's that whole thing of not wanting to see your child in a negative light. It's a convoluted circle, without a doubt, but it's one we've all been in: having stepped, no matter how inadvertently, on someone's toes.

Chickie opted to call her friend and apologize. She told her friend she hadn't realized it could be taken as bullying; she didn't intend for it to be. She wanted her friend to try something that she, Chickie, considers to be really, really fun. Apology accepted, and they continued on to discuss other things. Chickie learned a lesson, owned up to her deed, and life moved on. I'm still not sure it was bullying and not just simple "kid stuff" (live and learn), but if certain behaviors go unchecked, some behaviors turn into bullying because that person is used to getting their way and they become relentless...

What do you think: Is bullying about the ACT, the INTENT, or the PERCEPTION of the act or intent?

How are you spending the holiday weekend?

2011-07-02T09:16:00.021-05:00

For many, Independence Day (yeah, that's it's real name - not "the fourth of July") means perhaps going to a parade...it might be backyard barbeques, beers, and crazy amounts of (sometimes illegal) fireworks in the street after dark. It might even mean going out of town to a lake cottage, a water park, or to Disneyworld.

Depending on the weather, we go to the parade our town & American Legion Post hosts. We started this tradition when our kids were preschoolers - they enjoyed the candy that got tossed into the crowd, but they also liked the floats, music, etc. We always tried to get there early enough to sit in the shade of Banco Popular, which has a convenient quick-escape parking lot behind it. It's looking like a parade year, with no rain predicted after Sunday afternoon. This evening we are heading to a party at a friend's house...I'm making pastry-wrapped olives, a recipe from the authentic Greek cookbook dear Hubby's vendor (a Greek man) gave him for me last summer. I know you might think Greek food is an oddity for an American holiday, but America IS a melting pot, right? I imagine they'll look something like the olives at the right (from veganplanet.blogspot.com), except mine'll be a little red-brown from the paprika in the dough, and they're rolled in sesame seeds. I'll let you know how they taste. (*Since I didn't get this posted before we left for the party, Hubby and I thought they were DELICIOUS. Unfortunately, we were with the wrong crowd...a crowd that, if they say they like Greek food, probably means they like gyros without the lamb and tzatziki. They were a bust with that crew, but I'll halve the recipe and make them for us sometime.)

Sunday is bbq at another friend's house...a friend who is like a brother to Hubby. The two are bbq afficionados who have an affinity for dishes prepared with bacon...we're bring the bacon potato salad, and ... I can't remember what else. (Probably some olives.) I say afficionado, Hubby says snob. They freely admit they are grill snobs, constantly working at perfecting their grill-and-smoke techniques. And the families of the two are happy to enjoy the fruits of their labors.

On Monday afternoon, after the parade, we will begin smoking a leg of lamb at our house. (Yes, it's from the Greek cookbook, too...many of the recipes are time-consuming, so it's nice to get the book out when I have an entire afternoon to work on things. Hubby is preparing the lamb, however - no one touches the smoker when HE's around!) We may watch The Patriot with our kids...the violence might be "much" for Chickie,but we're wondering if she might be ok...still need to think it out. We'd like to watch Saving Private Ryan with Bud, but since we only have it on VHS and we don't have a VHS player anymore, we'll hold off for another time...forgot to check Redbox, and Netflix doesn't have it for instant play... (photo from solonavigator.com)

Something that has been very important to us is to teach our children respect for the American flag. When we are at a sporting event, they are expected to stand and remove any headgear during the National Anthem. It's required. Yes, the yahoos sitting next to us might be wearing their ball caps, talking, and whooping as we "gave proof through the night." That's the cool thing about America - you can be somewhat disrespectful to your country...it's allowed. When we're at a parade and a military vehicle, American Legion post, Boy Scout troop carrying a flag, etc. passes, we stand and remove headgear. Again, people around us may not do it, but that's the cool thing about being American - you don't have to show respect for those who defended your country and protected your freedoms. (image from flickr.com) We also teach our kids to respect other countries' flags as well, so when we're at sporting events that feature the Canadian flag and national anthem, we stand and remove headgear for that, as well. It just seems like the right thing to do.

Several years ago we took Bud and Chickie to Washington, DC. Although Chickie was only a kindergartner and Bud only a 2nd grader, they thoroughly enjoyed it. The only complaints they had were "I'm hungry" and "my feet are tired," both situations remediable at the same time. One sight that touched me and still brings tears to my eyes if I allow myself to REALLY think about it was the Pentagon flag...the one that was flying over the Pentagon on September 11, 2001. It is near the entrance to the Smithsonian, and there was an amazing hush in that area of the building...as if people just KNEW they should be reverent. (image from captainsquartersblog.com, because mine turned out too dark to use here) What a horrific day, and yet the surge in patriotism that resulted was something we haven't seen since...well, as long as I've been alive. We were no longer individuals going about our own individual business, doing our own thing for ourselves. We were AMERICANS. And while certain worries may have gotten out of control, we started being more concerned about what other people were doing rather than saying, "Meh, not my problem."

Over the past 5 years, it seems that we have gone back to looking out for #1 again - we aren't so concerned with what others are doing, thinking, feeling...we've lost the patriotism and love of country again. Maybe our fast-paced world causes us to see things differently from, say, the days of Pearl Harbor. I'm not saying we should harbor grudges, or be paranoid freaks who worry about any little thing that is out of the ordinary. I am not afraid of flying (although I can't afford to), and we have friends of all races and religions. What I'm talking about is being proud of living in (arguably) the best country in the world. We have freedoms that other people simply do not.

We are allowed to vote - it's a privilege most of us adults share, but probably half don't take advantage of. Although everyone tells us who we should vote for, "Nyah nyah nyah, you can't make me." People are too apathetic about this right - WE have the right to choose our LEADERS, and yet we don't exercise it. We let "someone else" do it. We can't be bothered. We don't want to serve on a jury, because it takes time away from what we want to do for ourselves. People spend excessive amounts of time trying to invent crazy reasons for why they can't serve - there are actually websites dedicated to teaching you tricks to achieve this. People even bring their young kids to the jury selection process with them, hoping it'll help (in the Federal courtroom a friend served in a few weeks ago, bringing kids didn't help...Just an FYI). But yet if one of us is ever in the unfortunate position of requiring a jury trial, we want the best representation of our peeres that we can get. But we're not willing to do it for someone else. We get to have an impact on our society - on the laws, on how they are interpreted...and yet we will make up excuses to avoid it, as if it's a badge of honor to have gotten out of it.

Americans have the privilege of living in one of the wealthiest nations in the world, one where, chances are, you are going to make more money than your parents did at your age. Yes, our country is debt-ridden and college is now a requirement to make that income, but there are opportunities everywhere - if you don't think you're "too good" for them. You may not start out in your dream job anymore, but there's a job for everyone who is willing to work. These opportunities still draw people from around the world...When people risk their lives to come here illegally, that should tell us something: We've got something other people want. I'm not going to debate the immigration/alien issue. I'm just pointing out that we are damn lucky to have something so precious that other people are willing to do anything they can to get here.

Hm. So we have the freedom to elect our officials, to help determine the path our justice system will take, and opportunity to have the careers we desire. We can be disrespectful to our country, our flag, and to our elected officials and, unless we threaten someone, probably won't be arrested for any of those things. Our government doesn't tell us what religion we must practice, doesn't tell us how many children we can have...isn't allowed to tell us what we can do to our bodies (at least, not yet)...allows us the right to protect ourselves, our families and personal property against threats of violence...we're protected against the police just barging into our homes and searching them because they "think" we might be doing something we shouldn't be...and we have the right to a speedy trial (by jury, no less) if we are to be tried for something - they can't keep us languishing for years and years simply to break us down or so they can create "evidence" of wrongdoing.

Why are we not more appreciative of the fact that were either the beneficiaries of fate allowing us to be born here, or fortunate enough to have gotten here from someplace we didn't think was best for us?

I'm not going to debate whether we should be in Afghanistan, or Iraq, or any other place we have troops stationed. The point I am trying to make is that we need to thank our veterans. We need to be grateful to the men and women who protected us from the evils of the world during WWI and WWII. We need to remember those who fought in previous wars so that we could have freedoms they only dreamed of. The veterans of Korea and Vietnam deserve gratitude as well...We need to thank those who fought (and do fight) on foreign soil to protect the helpless and downtrodden who are not fortunate enough to have been born here. We might question the wisdom of our troops being in other countries where we are perhaps not wanted, but the men and women who are sent there are doing their jobs and doing them to the best of their abilities in spite of their personal feelings.

Thank a veteran for what you have. Remember them, even in just a moment of silence in your own head, this weekend.

What do you call it?

2011-06-28T14:11:00.008-05:00

I'm wondering where is the line between being an overindulgent parenting vs. being a "bossy parent," in the sense of When do you let your children be in charge of certain decisions that affect them, and when do you tell them what they are going to do?

Recently, someone I know removed their child from an activity she was suppose to participate in. The "public" reason was that something unexpected came up, but the "private" reason also incorporated something to the effect of, "Well, he knew he wasn't going to like 'X,' so I let him stay home that day."

Hm.

Sounds to me like Mom and Dad are letting Junior rule the roost! Now, don't get me wrong...it's not like this was something CRITICAL, like getting a root canal. And it's not like the child missed a major event like Auntie's wedding. It was a voluntary activity, meant for fun and personal enrichment. An activity that was paid for by a third party, that other friends were participating in as well - for the camaraderie of it all.

So, back to my question: when is it time for a parent to let their child make this sort of decision ("I just didn't feel like it"), and when does the parent make the decision ("you made a commitment to be there, and although you won't like 'X,' you will like the rest of it")? This might be simpler if the child weren't painfully shy...I can see where parents of children who are shy perhaps try to shield that child from experiences that might be, oh, socially challenging. However, the flip side is that the child is (1) missing out on something fun with his friends, and (2) they will not build confidence if they are constantly allowed to run from opportunities among friends (not strangers). But to flip it one more time, is the parent "forces" their child to participate being a bully? Are they living vicariously through their children? Are they being completely insensitive?

Not being the parent of a shy child, I don't know. There were plenty of things I was shy about doing, but my parents believed that we needed to TRY if a reasonable opportunity presented itself. Bud himself, for as confident as he appears most of the time, is quite reticent about new experiences, even when peers will be present - peers who have done whatever the activity is many times before. It's not a matter of Bud feeling like they will show him up - he is reluctant to do something outside his comfort zone. I don't feel badly about making Bud go blueberry picking with his best pal, however. He ended up having a blast, and went again the next two years.

To reiterate, this was not an earth-shattering, once-in-a-lifetime event. But still.

When is it protecting or coddling? Providing security or enabling?

REJECTED

2011-06-25T07:20:00.006-05:00

If at first you don't succeed, try ...try....try....try.....try.... etc. again.

As much as I absolutely LOVE MY JOB (I really do), I am almost half way through my Master of Special Education program...those of you in the education arena know what it means to complete a master's degree and not have "a real job" lined up. For those who aren't in education, it means, almost certainly, that you will NOT be getting "a real job." Even though it only makes $1000 or so difference in pay at hiring time, what school district wants to be flashing around that kind of money during hard economic times? Of course, the flip side is, why wouldn't you pay that little smidgen of money for someone who has a higher level of expertise? And for those districts that still reimburse all or part of someone's higher education, why not hire someone who has already paid for it themselves?

Anyway, I LOVE MY DISTRICT as well...want to stay employed in it...partly because my kids attend this district (I won't lie - that's a hook), and also in small part because there's a comfort factor attached to WHAT I ALREADY KNOW. I'm familiar with the administrative hierarchy, the programming, how to do/what to do and, quite frankly, the biggest reason is that am proud of the quality of education we provide. Even if some parents think we're not giving enough, I know that's not the case. There are those few bad apples as with any field, but overall our teachers aren't just putting in time to collect a check.

I'm sure it's that way in other districts, too....which is why I decided to explore some other options. I am a creature of habit, so this is a stretch for me. I received my first rejection automatic-email-bot letter yesterday. But that's okay. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but I know this is the right thing to do. What's interesting, however, is that out of 36 positions applied for, only 1 kicked me a message. I would never expect a personal note from someone, especially knowing that 400-500 people apply for the "general" teaching positions...it's got to be absolutely mind-boggling to an administrator to receive the names of 500 people who've applied for ONE POSITION. I don't know how they decide whom they will interview. One person said they looked at the first 8-10 pages and stopped. If you were at the top of page 11, sorry...Apparently the lists don't sort by "internal candidates at top, external candidates at bottom," either.

It's funny how, 20 years ago, when I completed my undergrad degree, the well of available positions had mysteriously dried up.....deja vu, perhaps?....But that's okay. I know I'm good...I would say even excellent...at what I do. I'll get there.

There was a great article published last summer, of which I only became aware a few weeks ago, that is thought-provoking...it's called In What Other Profession. I hope you'll give it a read. We in the education arena aren't just putting in time - we really care about what we're doing, and it's kind of a kick in the teeth when others try to armchair quarterback us ALL THE TIME. Could you imagine following your doctor into an exam room and questioning everything s/he does with a patient? Going into your auto mechanic's garage and telling them how to fix your car? Telling a firefighter the best way to get that pesky fire put out? Telling a police officer how to handle a suspect? (Oh, wait, that last one happens all the time, too.) We've been trained to do our jobs, and while you may CERTAINLY have questions, comments, or suggestions (or criticisms!), we really are experts in our field. My point is, people who go into teaching fields aren't doing it for big bucks or, obviously, to be held in high public esteem. We do it because we want to see kids succeed.

I know I veered off in that last paragraph, but I don't want to focus on rejection...I want to remind myself of why I'm doing this...I want to give kids what they need to be successful individuals, whether it's through teaching them how to spell something other than TTYL, OMG, BRB...or how to complete steps in a job process so they can get and keep a job...or how to communicate orally so they gain confidence in themselves, learn to look someone in the eye, learn to pay attention for more than a minute to something that doesn't involve electronics and their thumbs...or to cut out a picture that matches the story we just read aloud...or how to write a wonderful essay that gets them into the college of their dreams...or how to make a grilled cheese sandwich so they can learn to take care of their personal needs...

There's a future out there. I just have to find it.

Summer School and the Job Market

2011-06-20T05:36:00.011-05:00

In the eyes of some (those of the pre-high school graduate set), summers are meant for fun - NOT for school. Just ask my daughter, who had to write a short essay on what it means for something to be edible...she was exceptionally unhappy about it, and I told her I was not bailing her out. Chickie dug in and said, "I am NOT doing it. Summer is for FUN! NOT FOR DOING SCHOOL WORK!" (screamed with a hysterical ring to it) It was an effort worthy of any Tween, and reminded me of her preschool years. I LONGED for the preschool years, frankly, because back then tantrums were generally because she couldn't communicate what she really wanted - and at her tender age of 11, she needs to learn that, when her dad or I tell her she has to do something, whether she wants to do it or not it must be done. I ended up pulling out the heavy artillery to get her moving. She was unhappy, but she did it. I was not proud of what I threatened, but it worked. Let's just say, in 6 weeks' time, after Girl Scout day camp and Science Camp are over, I'll have to come up with something new.

I, on the other hand, am NOT getting a break from school work. In May, as I posted last, I jammed through a 3-week course on Math and Science Interventions. It was great, and I'm looking forward to using some of the stuff I learned. I am currently enrolled in a class titled something along the lines of Assistive Tech for Students with Severe Disabilities. The class focuses on devices and equipment that allow students with low-incidence disabilities (various Syndromes, severe physical impairments, IQs below 60, etc.), and instructional methods for those kids who most likely will not be part of a general education classroom. It's fascinating stuff, really, and while the textbook is DRY, DRY, DRY in its presentation, I am totally into it! (image from 123rf.com) There are line drawings of various equipment in use, from feeding chairs for children and adults to wheelchairs that hold someone in a standing position...it discusses methods of communication from pictures to electronics as well...a lot of good stuff. Too bad it puts the reader to sleep with its DRY, DRY, DRY presentation. enny-hoo. I have some fun projects to do, and am working with a partner who I have not yet had the pleasure of working with, so that's been nice as well. (Plus, I didn't get paired with one of the slugs from another class, someone I was NOT happy to be teamed with...DO YOUR SHARE!) This week, we are visiting a cooperative school operated for students of two school districts...in spite of the Least Restrictive Environment goal of inclusion (including students in general education settings, with necessary supports and modifications), these students are "segregated." Why? Because their parents, "home" school staff, and staff at this school have determined that it is most desirable to provide them with the education they NEED, and they have to jump through legal hoops every year to ensure these students get that education. The students at this school are users of the devices we are studying about, so what a great opportunity for us to see how it works in the real world, AND to help us decide whether this type of environment might be a potential career path for us.

And on the topic of career paths, I was able to line up a few tutoring gigs for the summer - hooray! last summer I tutored through an adult literacy program. (image from poway.olx.com) It was wonderful! I tutored a young man from Mexico as he was preparing to take his GED. We worked on conversational English, primarily, and browsed through GED preparation guides to help pick topics to talk about. We talked about family life, the social environments in the U.S. vs those in Mexico, the impact of various influential figures in U.S. history...good stuff! The literacy program is staffed primarily by volunteers, and I was sad to give it up when I started my Master's program...I am again doing a volunteer thing, but through my church. I decided to take this on because it's only for about 6 weeks this summer - and while, yes, I will be taking classes the entire time, I am not at work during the day...thus, time to prepare and to meet my student, who is a Haitian priest. Yep, you read that right: a Haitian priest. Our church is working with 4 Catholic priests and a seminarian to help with their conversational English and writing skills so they are able to more effectively communicate when they attend conferences, travel, and perhaps accept assignments in English-speaking countries. I start this afternoon, and am really looking forward to it. This morning, I am starting with a little guy from my neighborhood - looking forward to this, as well, because he's a nice kid who will benefit from having the continuity of some planned academics over the summer. (AND it's a paid thing, so for the first time in 2 years I'll have some income during the summer. *phew*)

I'm also beginning to look at employment options...which breaks my heart, because I absolutely love my job...the kids, the staff (ok, most of the staff), the location (you can't beat "right around the corner")...but the Master's degree is a waste if I don't move on. Heck, the Bachelor's degree is not required for what I'm doing. Nice to have, but not necessary. The application process is a lot less hassle than it was 20 years ago...everything is done on line now, and many school districts link up through a common system. You're either applying for multiple districts at the same time, or you can import your application from one district into that of another. However, there is "just enough" different stuff (like that? "stuff"?) on each that there is still quite a bit of work to be done. In fact, I started one that is like a job interview - and I will be working a little more on that when I finish this. I'd imagine they are eliminating some of the "busy work" questions so they can cut to the chase if they decide to grant an interview. At any rate, applying electronically allows you to reach more districts more easily, but the downside is that it eliminates the eye contact factor - there is no looking the receptionist in the eye when you turn in your application and resume (which you upload, along with your credentials and letters of recommendation). Of course, this means you don't have to bust out the interview suit simply to drop off an application, but it also does away with the ease by which you could call or come in to see whether they got your info. You KNOW they got it, but you don't know whether they are ignoring you because they think you aren't suited to the position, or if they looked at 80 applicants before they got to you and decided they had seen enough...and it doesn't seem appropriate to contact every school to say, "hey, my application is sitting out there - please look for me." Can you imagine 400 applicants calling each school to say, "Look at me! Look at me!" I think I might choose to ignore those people. So if you have any suggestions for me, I'd be happy to hear them.

And now I hear that application, and a hefty amount of homework, and the allure of a thunderstorm preventing me from taking my morning walk calling...

Oh, goodness - where to begin?

2011-06-03T22:59:00.011-05:00

Ok....so....I finished an intensive, 3-week class covering Math and Science Interventions for students with disabilities. It was held on Saturdays from 8-1:30, and I spent about 30 hours on the first week's homework. I breathed a sigh of relief when the second week came around, because I was READY for it...and, for the first time, I did not worry about my grade - I KNEW it would be an A. So as of now I have finished 18 credits of my master's program and have 4.o'd each class/semester. HOORAY!!!!! I AM SO EXCITED for myself! In 10 days, I start my summer classes....there isn't going to be much of a break in here because (1) BaconFest is tomorrow, and (2) there is a graduation party to attend next weekend. And (3) OTHER STUFF came into play.

Starting with (3), At 8:18 Friday morning, I received a phone call from the junior high school...I ignored the one that came to my cell at 8:15, not realizing it was my son's school, and I was talking to a co-worker I usually have very little time for - I was ENJOYING talking to her, and didn't want to stop, so I muted my ringer. Then I was paged to COME TO THE OFFICE. I was hoping / expecting that perhaps it was a call asking me to come interview for a maternity leave position I had applied for, but - alas, no....it was the disciplinary assistant principal, calling to tell me that BUD HAD BEEN SUSPENDED ON THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL. Bud has had conflict with this other kid since they were in 3rd grade (they have now finished 7th grade). I will not share what we determined his punishment to be, and I will concur with the repercussions doled out by the school. Suffice to say, anyone who knows Bud was appalled that this good kid punched someone for snatching his personal property (electronic device) and throwing it on the concrete. I am not happy with what he did, but I understand how he arrived at that point. That's all I can say. Sigh.

So, yes, MY SON GOT ALL A'S AGAIN! Except for 1 B+ in the first marking period, he has had all A's all year. Whoo Hoo, Go, Bud! And so did Chickie--Whoo-hoo, GO CHICKIE--All A's!!! That may very well be the first time for her. She's smart, but academics haven't been important to her until recently. I was so proud of both of them! What great kids...hard workers, both of them, when they want to be... ;-) Proud start to the summer.

Tomorrow is our 3rd annual BaconFest....BaconFest Thrice, to be exact. Why "Thrice," you ask? Well..... http://teamcoco.com/content/campaign-make-thrice-cool-word , here's why. It's our third, and THRICE IS JUST A COOL WORD. It's a big-kid word. What is BaconFest, you ask? It started as a joke 2 years ago when our pal (and hubby's "brother") PC showed us a website displaying a "bacon explosion." We laughed about how bizarre/gross it looked, and we joked about other bacon dishes that could accompany a bacon explosion, and before we knew what happened, we were planning a barbecue for our friends, with bacon explosions as the centerpiece. Last year, Dear Hubby said, "hell yeah, we're doing it again!" And here we are, celebrating Thrice. We are preparing a dozen bacon explosions, 19 pounds of pulled pork, and 70 50-50 bacon/beef sliders, in addition to bacon-wrapped water chestnuts, bacon-wrapped mango, and spinach/bacon/avocado salad. Our 70+ guests are bringing dishes containing or complementing bacon. The bounce house will be delivered around 12:30 (too many little 'uns to entertain without something like a bounce house), the BaconFest iTunes playlist has been tweaked (and contains about 180 songs--enough that even the die-hards shouldn't hear the same song twice), and the pergola is strung with cute lights....bag tosses will be set out, the Wii is ready in the event of rain, and we're planning a 9 p.m. showing of "Babe" on an outdoor screen. OH, AND AWESOME AS CAN BE, I tiled a bar to use on the patio! It is TOTALLY COOL, although it is not quite "finished." we still need to get a faucet for it, but for tomorrow we are hooking up a hose and will have a "slop bucket" ("waiter, bring me a bucket" for all you Monty Python fans) under the countertop. We'll get it fixed properly later this summer. This view isn't all that great given that it was taken in my garage, but you get the idea...it was tedious but I enjoyed it! BaconFest II was quite an event--we decided to serve Mai Tais in addition to beer, and let's just say there were a few people whose spouses had to pour them into their vehicles. Good thing this writer was at home, is all she has to say. This year we are opting for lemon-lime beverages, and they pack a wallop. This writer will be MUCH more careful.

Then it's to dear niece's graduation party. What a kid--she was 6 weeks old when Dear Hubby and I were married! Exceptionally difficult to imagine, that she could POSSIBLY be old enough to be a graduate! But that also means I will be seeing my dear sister , Fuzzy,Big Sister, and HER Dear Hubby as well as any of my other sibs & families who can be there. We are heading into a very exciting week, without a doubt.

*A quick update...Although I did invite Conan O'Brien to come if he were in the vicinity, he either was NOT in the vicinity or chose not to come...I hope it's the former. I DID seriously act with regard to my age last night at BaconFest Thrice - I was able to be a good host, do some yard cleanup before going to bed in anticipation of the predicted rain, went to bed with no ringing in my ears and got up with no "morning after" feeling (although I confess to being SO TIRED - but got up anyway because I won't feel guilty about having a nap later)...Bud's friends' parents were not appalled by his suspension but instead supported his need to protect/defend himself (and one even commented that the OTHER kid was the same one who picked on THEIR child last year). We did not have a 9 p.m. showing of Babe, since the kids were still gleefully bouncing in the Spiderman bounce house (and continued to do so until about 11:45, YIKES). Now I'm looking ahead to my class which begins on Tuesday, which is utilizing strategies and assistive technology to work with students who have disabilities. Excited! But first...the kitchen and yard beckon....now for the sad part, cleaning up.

School News

2011-05-16T16:12:00.005-05:00

PHEW! That's the most "clear" statement I can make right now. It has been a stressful month--more than what my most recent months have thrown my way.

Last month, I took the state's LBS-1 exam...That's Learning Behavior Specialist, for those not in the know. So, here's the thing. When the test answers are done on a bubble sheet, does it REALLY take a month to score? Of course not. But there you have it. I FINALLY got my results last Friday and passed the test with flying colors. One more exam to take--but I'm going to wait on that one until early next year. It just doesn't matter right now, so why add to the burden?

The LBS designation will, once I complete my summer classes, become an endorsement on my current teaching certificate; I will be able to teach special education classes within the field of language arts, grades 6-12. If our district offered an elementary-grade language arts program, I could teach that as well...but no such animal exists. The test next year will, once the NEXT year's classes are complete, provide that mighty graduate degree...which won't get me a job, because no one wants to hire a master's candidate. So I've got to be thinking about that process.

Final grades were posted for my "spring" classes last week, too. Of course, "spring" really means "winter," because the classes spanned January through the 1st week of May. That's more WINTER to me. But--neither here nor there. The important thing is that I ACED my classes and scored another 4-point-oh semester. Too bad grad students don't make the dean's list. Of course, I suppose that's because you have to get at least a B in your classes or you have to re-take them.

I enrolled in a 3-week crash course in interventions for math and science...last Saturday I completed the first day, and am now swimming in reading, videos, and projects which must be completed before the upcoming Saturday. I am strangely calm about the whole process...I say "strangely," because that is NOT LIKE ME. I think it's because there simply isn't enough time to get upset or worried about it. You gotta do what you gotta do, if that makes sense.

There are a few other professional things going on right now, but I won't comment on those until there's more to tell. I don't want to say more than is appropriate...

My kids, bless their hearts, have been busy with school stuff--I feel quite neglectful, because I have not had the proper amount of time to devote to them. Chickie's Girl Scout Troop is bridging from Juniors to Cadettes on Wednesday, which is exciting to them and pulls on my heartstrings a bit...I've been with this group of girls since they were 1st graders, and it's been a bumpy (but cute) ride watching them grow to these young ladies they are now. Chickie had a monster choir performance last week--probably 500 kids there...Insane by any standards. Bud has a solo coming up in next week's band performance. Lucky me, it looks like I'll be able to attend that performance!

Dear Hubby is the BEST. He supports me even when I'm being a psycho freak show. How much better could it get? Oh, yeah--he and his buddy built us a pergola on the patio last weekend. What an awesome guy! Of course, it was warm enough to sit out that evening and enjoy it, but it's been too warm, too windy or too cold since then. But that's okay--it's also cutting down quite a bit on the sun coming into the family room window, which is making it cooler in the family room. Hope that trend holds once the REALLY hot weather comes! Maybe I'll be able to spend summer on the patio, doing my homework out there...the table is juuuuuust close enough that my laptop cord will reach!

Easter Traditions

2011-04-22T08:30:00.014-05:00

Got to thinking about Easter...what with it being right around the corner, and all. There were so many traditions my family had around holidays and whatnot when I was a kid! We girls always got new Easter hats and dresses; new shoes were a must, as well, because we had outgrown our dress shoes from the previous summer...(that's Bud & Chickie at right, taken 8 years ago when they were still my babies...)I don't remember if the boys got any new clothes for Easter, given that I am a lot older, but we girls were always dressed to the nines! We'd have Easter baskets, of course, filled with eggs we kids had helped dye (that's Bud & Chickie at left, a few years ago). Our family was much kinder than Dear Hubby's family was about hiding baskets--we never had to search through the dryer to find ours, for example. I have arguments with Dear Hubby over the appropriateness of some of the hiding spots he's come up with. Anyway, our day was filled with chocolate bunnies, jelly beans, deviled eggs... the delicious ham dinner (ham photo from insidesocal.com)....There was always something for dessert, although I can't recall what it would have been. My dad was NOT a coconut lover, so there was no lamb cake with fluffy coconut "wool" lying on a bed of green coconut "grass." But that's okay. I'm sure whatever we had was GREAT. We also went to church--of COURSE we did, because our family was NOT the C&E variety of Catholics...No siree, Bob--we were EVERY WEEK AND THE ONLY EXCUSE YOU HAVE FOR NOT BEING THERE IS IF YOU'RE DYING Catholics. Grandma went to church and came home for breakfast with us...then she was off to her house to prepare for either having one of her other kids over or to get ready to go to another kid's house. We spent the day as a family (once Mom was done in the kitchen, of course), playing cards, board games, having family visit after dinner...it was all about family.

Things are a little different for us, given the distance between us and the rest of the family. The rest of the family still does it, but Dear Hubby, Bud, Chickie and I do our thing here. It's a GOOD thing, but a much quieter thing. We don't live close enough to make the trip now that the kids are in school and I work full-time again (we won't even get into my classes on this one). If Everyone could shift the festivities to Saturday, we'd be fine. But I wouldn't ask that--it'd be too weird, and it would be quite the whirlwind trip to squeeze in 12 hours of travel and in about 18 hours fit in 2 big dinners and visits with both extended families.

So our little nuclear family has started its own tradition. It seems to vary every year, just a little, but the core is the same. The kids try to find their baskets before we go to church, because it'd be a real challenge (even at their advanced ages) to NOT know where those darn things are hidden. We go to early morning Mass because we know we'll get a seat, and that Mass tends to be shorter because another one starts 90 minutes later...When we get home, we always snap a pic with the kids before they change out of their Easter finery
because I'd rather they didn't trash their cute little outfits at the beginning of the season--there are many more Sundays they need to have those clothes available! (And now Bud's at an age where he really does not WANT to stay dressed up. Chickie LOVES to dress up, even yet.) Dear Hubby and I trudge up the stairs to change clothes as well, because we have FEASTS to prepare. First comes the big breakfast of eggs (not the dyed ones), some type of meat whether sausage or bacon, maybe some hash browns, and either donuts, Big Apple Bagels, or some sort of sweet bread (gotta have something out of the ordinary--not just the usual Sunday bagels). After the cleanup (which I usually do on holidays), the kids dig into their candy. HEAVEN. SHEER HEAVEN. We got away from TONS of candy a few years ago and started putting in lovely little items such as the videos seen in the shot "over there." Chickie was soooo excited about Happy Feet, and we were happy she didn't seem to miss the candy. I don't remember what the "big item" was last year, but this year Dear Hubby will be picking up a couple of gift cards for them. We spend the late morning vegging over the newspaper, listening to jazz, savoring that last cup of coffee...

The afternoon preparation is not too bad, because we do things in our own time. We're not held to the timetable of having company or of being someone else's company. We have had white cheddar au gratin potatoes several times, and it tends to be the most time-consuming dish at 2-1/2 hours start to finish, so we begin working with that one. The ham, of course, is no big deal--although we were devastated that our favorite ham joint (Thomas' BBQ) closed last year. No more delectable smoked ham...although the new tradition may be Hubby's spin on ham (we'll see what amazing treat he comes up with). Then there is some kind of green vegetable (must have a green veggie!), an angelfood pan full of rolls a'la JP, one of my best buddies who shared her recipe several years ago, and a big plate of deviled eggs. The deviled eggs, in my childhood home, were a relatively simple concoction of yolks mashed with a little mustard and mayo, then stuffed back into the halves of white. My mother-in-law, however, incorporates the t-i-n-i-e-s-t bit of minced onion into her concoction, and that's what we have in our house--gives it a little kick. Although I'm thinking a little horseradish...might need to separate some of the yolk and give it a try! In my childhood home we always had fruit salad, which could easily double as a dessert (banana slices, halved grapes, well-drained mandarin oranges, apple chunks, maybe some walnut pieces tossed in sweetened/beaten heavy whipping cream). I miss it, but it's really hard to scale that recipe down for a group of 4. I can't even say what we have for dessert--it must vary by the year, or I'd remember it.

One of the best parts of a holiday dinner, to me, is the table we set. My mom always used her china and good flatware on the holidays, and that's something I always enjoyed. So when Dear Hubby and I registered for wedding gifts, we asked for china and flatware. Mikasa Wedding Band Gold has graced our table at every holiday meal we've hosted in our home, whether just for us or if we've had guests. Our flatware, Yamazaki Cara Gold, has accompanied it almost every time. We have, on occasion, used the silver that belonged to Hubby's grandparents. Recently, we received silver from my mother-in-law that had belonged to my father-in-law's sister, and Bud had such a great time polishing it that we have been using that on occasion. Seems a shame to not remember family no longer with us, especially someone who was such a part of Hubby's childhood. We also go all out with candles and flowers...it's a pretty table that I enjoy setting. Hoping I don't jinx myself by saying in 18 years we've never lost a piece of china (no chips, even) or a piece of flatware.

After we eventually get dinner into us and get some of the aftermath cleaned up, we move on to a leisurely dessert (again, apparently an unmemorable one), and relax in the evening before returning to the real world on Monday.

This year is going to be a little different...good thing we have only a few core items that must remain constant (church, ham, eggs, table-setting). Hubby has been amazing at taking over household stuff since I've gone back to school. He has a ham ready to go, found a broccoli cauliflower casserole recipe he wants to try, is planning on glazed carrots, and peach cobbler. I am contributing JP's rolls, because I can do those with a minimum of hassle while I get homework done. I am hoping to have my homework fairly wrapped up on Saturday so I can fully enjoy Sunday with my family...Hubby taught us the basics of a couple versions of poker last weekend, and I think it'd be much more fun to play poker with the kids than to write an FBA. Our dear friend and "little brother" PC may come over if he is not traveling to his family's festivities.

I sincerely hope you all have a blessed Easter, or if you are not Christian that you are impacted by others who have a blessed Easter and decide to live out the promise of new life in the rebirth of spring. (You weren't expecting THAT, were you?)

Why Put Off What You Can Do Today?

2011-04-01T05:15:00.008-05:00

"I don't procrastinate, I just like to do things later." (Image from www.hbo.com)

Uh....why? Because there are {more fun things/more interesting things/less painful things/less time-consuming things} to do?

I am the queen of procrastination. Always have been. In fact, as I start this, I'm debating whether I should finish it now or go to Facebook for a while. After all, this ridiculously early pre-dawn hour at which I am up is my "me time," the time where I do whatever I want because I WANT TO DO IT. Problem is, there are lots of things vying for that "me time" and it's tough to decide what's going to win on any given day.

Lucky you, the few of you who might read this....I decided to stay here after taking a quick look at my FB page...Dear Hubby is out of town and didn't play words on Wordscraper (Scrabble, to the rest of us), so I am free to do "something else" for a while.

What should I be doing instead of sitting here?

1. Behavior Plan documentation for the project that will be 40% of my grade in Class A
2. Data analysis from the achievement test that will become the report comprising 33% of my grade in Class B
3. Sorting the stack of papers sitting on the end table
4. Mopping the kitchen floor
5. Writing a letter to my great aunt E., who was sweet enough to send me a birthday card
6. Folding the load of socks & underwear sitting in a laundry basket in a chair in my bedroom--the load of laundry that threatens to block our view of the TV from the bed

Oh, there are any NUMBER of things I "should" be doing. But this is "me time," and since I'm a procrastinator, I rarely do something I SHOULD BE DOING.

Apparently my prefrontal cortex is not able to work to its full potential this early in the morning. But that's okay! It has lots of opportunity throughout the rest of the day.

Besides, if I use "me time" to do CHORES or HOMEWORK, it's not really "me time," now, is it?

See, I can justify just about anything to use my "me time" for ME.

So, you ask, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM THE REST OF THE TIME?

Mighty fine question.

Lucky for you (which should be "luckily," but the grammar queen is taking the morning off), I have lots of answers to that question.

1. The kids needed me to "X."

2. The kids were too noisy and distracted me.

3. The dryer beeped and I felt guilty leaving it.

4. The dog wanted to play.

5. I spilled my glass of water on the desk, had to move the stack of papers sitting on the corner so I could wipe up the water, and found some bills that needed to be dealt with. While I was looking at the bills, I remembered that I needed to write a check for Bud's music lessons, which then made me get up to turn on the iPod docking station and fiddle around (ha, musical pun) finding a playlist I wanted to hear. (see, my procrastination procrastinates as well.)

6. I wanted a snack, but when I got to the kitchen I had to battle with my willpower.

7. I checked to see if anyone commented on my blog (they didn't), which then led me to want to check other people's blogs because I wanted to see what they've been up to lately, which then gave me an idea for my own.

8. One of my classmates opened a chat window in Facebook, and it might have been about homework so I had to chat. I got out of it ASAP, I swear.

9. While I was in FB, I decided to check the status of some people I have "hidden." I mean, I really do care about them, but don't want to read about every single thing they've done in the past 24 hours (why are THEY procrastinating, I wonder?).

10. While in FB, I decided to see if Dear Hubby played words on Wordscraper. Then I went on to Bejeweled and Zuma Blitz. I stopped Zuma Blitz after 2-3 rounds, because the video card in the computer is on its way out and the game is kinda hard to play that way. (See, I do try to get back on track, I really do!)

11. I caught sight of the Chicago Wolves schedule sitting on the desk, the one with the coupon book attached to it, and decided to look at Dick's Sporting Goods' website to see if they have jackets on sale. No point in letting that $10 coupon go to waste if I can find a new jacket there!

12. I saw something shiny!

I could go on, but you get the point.

I read an article (Real Simple April 2011 issue) that said we procrastinate because we naturally migrate toward things we enjoy. NnnnNNNooooOOOOOOOoooooo, REALLY? The article also suggested ways to get back on track.

Part of me wanted to stop reading, RIGHT THERE. If I learn any new ways to stop procrastinating, I have to try them.

But, being the QUEEN OF PROCRASTINATION, chances are good that I've heard it all and there won't be anything new to try, so I'll have managed to procrastinate simply by reading the article and will be able to say, "well, there's 15 minutes I won't get back." And it won't be my fault.

The article suggests doing the worst thing first. I equate this to "first, eat the thing on your plate that you hate, because then you can move on to the good stuff." This is what I tell my kids. However, with "doing stuff," this might only work for me if I have an entire day of things I need to get done and am trying to push myself through. I'm much more likely to do the quick things first because I can check more off my to-do list. Nothing wrong with feeling like I've accomplished something, even if it was to take a box to the basement and add it to the "that's a good mailing box" pile, as long as I don't then decide to organize the box pile.

Making the job smaller was another good suggestion, which I use already...yesterday, at lunch time, I took the sample behavior plan project and broke into chunks to be dealt with over the coming three weeks. A 48-page sample paper is daunting enough...but breaking it into chunks makes it a pain in the @&%, but not insurmountable.

Setting a timer was a good one--FOR MY KIDS. Those of you with kids around 12 years of age...Do you remember "The Big Comfy Couch"? Remember Loonette & Molly's "10-second tidy"? I never condoned Loonette's stuffing things under the couch cushions in the name of tidying up, but used the strategy then to get Bud & Chickie to clean up their toys and use it now as well. "I'm going to set the timer for 10 minutes. If we fly like the wind, we'll have a lot done in 10 minutes." Or I'll go in a different direction: "Put away 8 things. Don't just MOVE Them. Put them away IN THEIR PROPER PLACES. Then you can go do X." I join in now and then.

The other ideas, too, were things I've either tried (and know work), or are things I'm not ever going to do (why would I want a friend to know I have a goal and need to stick with it...am I going to invite her over to see my messy house if I don't get it cleaned up?).

I found a funny website! It's to help people stop procrastinating! HAHAHAHA! On the internet! So. Anyway. What do THEY suggest? Anything new?

Hm....

Meet people who are conscious of punctuality. Nope, that's already me. I hate being late.

Use my time wisely. I remember getting "wastes time" marked on my 6th grade report card. Apparently, I'm a serial offender.

Stop exaggerating the problem I'm facing. If I change "problem" to "chore," I might be onto something. Some of the time.

And some other stuff...problem is, the person who designed this page isn't as nice as I am, and incorporated their 28 points into paragraphs rather than in a list...and, frankly, the points aren't that great that I'm willing to dig around for them.

To quote Popeye, "I yam what I yam."

The Fine Jar

2011-03-26T07:37:00.003-05:00

Oh yes, and it's a fine jar, it is! Oh, wait, not THAT kind of "fine," as in, "'Tis a fine day today, isn't it, Mrs. O'Malley?" or "That's fine, Honey, whatever you'd like to do." No, ours is more of a "That's a fine mess you've gotten into--now go pay your FINE to the jar."

A little over a year ago, our family started a fine jar. We had decided we'd like to take a trip to the Black Hills--see Mount Rushmore, Crazy Horse and Sitting Bull memorials, the Badlands National Park....heck, we even thought we'd throw in the World's Largest Rocking Chair and the Outhouse Museum of South Dakota, just since we knew we wouldn't make a special trip for those things. But with a son who has made it a mini-goal to take pictures of presidential potties across the country, even though we don't have evidence a president actually pottied in Gregory, SD, how could we resist?

Our fine jar is actually a Trader Joe's coffee can with a piece of paper taped over the label. The paper is a color collage of the various sights we'd like to see while on vacation. I cut a slit in the plastic lid to make it easy to put in a quarter (or even a dollar bill, if necessary). Cutting a slit also eliminates the likelihood that one will accidentally spill out any coins because they had to remove the lid to put their coin in, and reduces the likelihood that someone will decide they can make change out of the can and then decide to just "borrow" a little more because the lid was off ANYWAY. To further reduce the likelihood of "borrowing," I made it a goal to take the coins to the bank as soon as there are enough to change them into larger bills, because you're not going to think twice about "borrowing" a dollar if you're already on that path, but you ARE going to give serious thought as to whether a $10 bill might be missed--there's gonna be guilt attached to a bigger bill.

How, you ask, were fines determined? We each had our own penalty:
I am supposed to pay when I yell at the kids for something that is really not their fault.
Hubby is supposed to pay when he leaves his shoes in the way (those suckers really HURT when you trip over them!).
Bud is supposed to pay when he needlessly freaks out over some perceived problem.
Chickie is supposed to pay for inappropriate use of the word "like." (Not the "I like cake" kind of "like," but the "Then he, like, hit me, and I, like, hit him back" kind of "like.")

How has it worked, you ask?

Well, for a while, it worked BEAUTIFULLY! The kids were paying their fines (I even reduced it to a dime if they didn't have the requisite quarter), I was paying my fines, and hubby was emptying his change into it because he knew he wasn't going to put his shoes away and eventually his shoe offenses would catch up with what he threw into the can every week.

Then the behaviors started to taper off, and I said I was really proud that people were doing better--but that we wouldn't have enough in our change can to give us spending money on our vacation unless we came up with new offenses to pay for.

Small drama arose when we determined last June that a trip to the Black Hills was not in our best financial interest, and we decided we'd hold off another year. EVEN BIGGER DRAMA reared its ugly head when I looked at my schedule of grad classes and realized that I will not have a summer off until 2013. Yes, you read that right. I cried like a baby, I'll admit it.

So how is the change can working NOW, and what are we paying for?
Hubby and I throw our change in...change that used to go into the change jar for our children's milk money at school (Bud doesn't want it anyway, and Chickie would rather take a sandwich with cheese on it)...Bud and Chickie aren't doing enough chores to earn what they need to pay off whatever we'd decide to "charge" them for...

But I am NOT giving up, and I am not going to start "borrowing" for other household necessities. That little bit of change that goes into the jar once or twice a week isn't going to help or hurt us, and what's out of sight is out of mind. Maybe, in 2013, we'll be able to upgrade from stopping at McDonald's with our loot to stopping at a Friday's. Wouldn't THAT be nice?

(Thanks, Bethany, for giving me an idea this week!)

People With Power

2011-03-24T06:02:00.006-05:00

People with power are a fascinating lot, aren't they?

You get some like Eli Broad and Bill Gates, who do more than just throw money at problems--they use their power to get things DONE. (Now, I do believe Bill Gates should be leaving education to educators, but that's a rant for another day.)

Then there are those like the Pope, Gandhi and Rick Warren who, even if you don't subscribe to their personal belief systems, could at least see that they are trying to do good in the world--and with millions of followers, there's "something" to what they've got to say.

And we have celebrities such as Brad Pitt, Oprah Winfrey, George Clooney who are well-known for their abilities to captivate an audience, and are not shy about sharing their philanthropy views or politics (regardless of whether they mesh with mine, they do "do good")...

There are so many amazing people of power who, throughout history, put themselves on the line to do good--Mother Teresa could certainly have lived another life, had she so chosen; and if you pick your way through American history, you find people like Katherine Drexel, Millard Fuller and Priscilla Collins who had financial security beyond the average person's wildest dreams and gave it up to do good.

And there are powerbrokers such as Tiger, Madonna, and Emilio Estevez' brother who don't seem to understand or care that they could do good with what they have if they weren't so far off the deep end (I'm sure they all have therapists, but how about a therapist who isn't afraid to say, "Honey, look at yourself--do you REALLY think this is the way someone should be acting?" How about, instead of buying 6 houses, 8 cars, copious quantities of illegal drugs and hookers, cheating on your spouse, and making yourself look special under the guise of helping others, you do something sensible with that money...like, oh...taking care of your kids--not hiring a nanny so you can continue to live wild and free, doing something nice for your community, or helping a special interest group achieve its goals?")

But whom do we REALLY want our children to see as being powerful? Do we want them to look past the people in their everyday lives who have an impact on them, so that they think the only people who can have an impact on the world are those whose names we instantly recognize no matter where we live?

What about, first of all, MOM and/or DAD? Many children live with at least one of their parents; and many children who do not live with both parents are able to have contact with the one they don't live with...Shouldn't Mom and Dad be people who have power? I don't mean in the sense of "controlling" another...I mean in the sense of "doing something." It might be in the form of philanthropy (remember, it's 'time, talent and treasure'--not just treasure), or in simply doing the right thing (being a good example)...in raising their children to do the right thing, not smooth the path for them at every turn so that they don't have to be accountable for their actions...

How about teachers? A child's teacher should be considered a person of power--the person to whom a child can turn to learn about the world...what the child will need to be successful and, in turn, have power of their own. A teacher (regardless of the level at which they teach--preschool right on to doctorate programs) should be honest and have integrity, qualities we want our children to possess.

Civic leaders? Shouldn't our civic leaders truly be representative of their communities? We want people of upstanding morals to lead our communities...these, too, are people our children should be able to look to as examples of "the right way" to do things.

Church leaders? Regardless of one's affiliation, our church leaders should have the morals they preach to us--and those morals should not be in conflict with basic human dignity. Our children should be able to look toward church leaders, as well.

With all the craziness going on in the world, we are seeing people with power constantly abusing that power to KEEP themselves in those positions of power. We see it in all walks of life, and we're constantly shown examples of it on the news. On the news, we're watching various crises around the world play out as political and religious leaders attempt to maintain or take control of people, countries...we see celebrities walking further into the deep end...

We know these are the people our children are watching, but are we pointing out OTHER people they could be watching? Are we being the example they need to see?

Who, in your life, is a person with power who can set that good example?

Why would you....if you....

2011-03-13T08:54:00.004-05:00

Just pondering a few things this week....

Why would you buy an SUV if you aren't going to drive it like an SUV? When you have this huge, well-supported vehicle, do you need to cross railroad tracks at a speed lower than what I do in my family-mobile minivan?

Why would you wear thong underwear if you are going to be offended when someone mentions to you that it is showing (6" above the top of your pants, BTW)? Do you really think church is an appropriate venue for that?

Why would you take your toddler grocery shopping at night if you know they are going to melt down before you are half way through? We all heard you mumbling, "every single time," implying that you do this pretty regularly with the same result. It'd be different if you needed a few things that couldn't wait...

Why would you constantly ask for advice if you didn't expect, at some point, someone would tell you what they really think? If you want to vent, you need to say so. But don't abuse the privilege of having our ear by venting too many times--it becomes whining, eventually.

Why do we expect people to behave nicely if we constantly make excuses for them? By allowing people to walk all over us (i.e., make excuses for their behavior), we have no right to expect them to treat us--or others--well in the future.

Why do people want others to do special things to ensure success for their children if they aren't willing to do what's needed at THEIR end to ensure that same success? Please, don't expect me to jump through hoops if you aren't going to do very simple things that you should be doing. If you don't have your child practice at home (sports, music, reading, etc.), what the coach or teacher does is not going to help much at all.

Lest you think I am a complete cynic, there were some really nice things that happened over the past few weeks since my last entry...Last weekend was Chickie's birthday. She is a great kid, and it was nice to have chosen a gift she was truly excited to get. Watching her on her new in-line skates makes me feel pretty good! Chickie also donated her pony tail to Locks of Love..or, rather, she had her hair cut for Locks of Love and I have to get it into the proper packaging to be mailed.

It was also Dear Hubby's birthday...and the anniversary of our meeting. It's been a wonderful 21 years with this guy--so glad we found one another!

Bud had not one but two concerts over the past week. The frustrating thing was that it was the same music at both--but at different locations/with purposes. The cool thing, however, is that the kids had solo performances the week prior, and Bud nailed a very difficult piece. His private lessons are definitely proving to be a good investment!

I ended one class a few weeks ago and begin another Tuesday, as well as continue my Thursday class. Spring break was weird, because it just freed up 2 evenings for other stuff--I still had to go to work, but it was sure nice having those evenings available! Hoping the new class is beneficial...

Would you like some personal accountability to go with that?

2011-02-26T06:13:00.004-06:00

Sorry, folks, probably gonna seem like I'm going off on tangents galore this week. I saw a story on the news yesterday that was meant to invoke fear, pity, and indignation...it DID spark indignation in me, but not the way they were "hoping."

A 10-year-old boy in a town not too far from where I live was injured in a sledding accident. Yes, it was a fairly serious accident. Yes, I feel badly for the boy...I don't like to see a child (or adult) get injured. But the way the story is presented gave me the distinct impression that the family is gearing up for a lawsuit. Watch, and feel free to tell me whether you agree or disagree... http://chicago.cbslocal.com/2011/02/24/boy-injured-in-crystal-lake-sledding-accident/
So here's the thing. There's a sign at the bottom that clearly states you are sledding at your own RISK. The word RISK implies that you are taking a RISK, that you could be INJURED while doing whatever it is you're doing. The snow fence, while damaged, is not a "sled fence." It isn't really designed to stop a sled but to stop snow from blowing everywhere. The snow fence, I don't believe, was there to prevent sleds from going any further. Poor kid was injured in a freak accident...one of my little buddies at school hit a drain culvert face-first while sledding near his house--didn't make the news, however, because presumably the ER people treating him didn't feel it was newsworthy. But I digress. I remember the foolishness we used to commit while sledding--going down the icy parts to see if you could get some good speed...trying to see who could get enough speed up so that you could shoot over the hump surrounding the skating rink and thus slide across the ice...seeing how many people you could pack onto one sled...going down backwards...any number of silly maneuvers that could well have landed us in the hospital, as well. But back in the day we didn't get on TV for this (although my cousin did get into the local newspaper for SKATING down the hill)...we had personal accountability.

If you play the game, you pay the price.
You win some, you lose some.
Sometimes it stinks to be you.

Watched a DVR'd episode of "Harry's Law" last night...Malcolm was helping Tommy Jefferson sue "the big four" fast food giants. Their client had gotten fat from eating fast food, and had a heart attack at age 39. Her three children were pretty round as well. Yes, there was a strong argument for the addictive nature of salt and sugar, the smells, etc. But how about the personal accountability? Yes, it smells good...yes, it was right in their neighborhood on their way to everyplace they had to walk to get to...but that personal accountability is coupled with the fact that you can't feed four people at a fast food joint for under $20 (none of those kids was eating a Happy Meal). You could buy a lot of fruit and veggies along with a jar of peanut butter and a loaf of bread for $20. Maybe there wasn't a grocery store as close as the fast food places, but you wouldn't need to go every day if you spent the $20 on peanut butter, bread, apples and carrots.

Personal accountability.

Why should teachers be paid based on how their students perform? Well, because they're going to do a better job if they know they won't get raises or they could get fired, if their students don't perform. Right? Right? Right? Uh....MAYBE? What if you have a student who simply CAN'T do better? They don't understand the concept no matter how many times the teacher stands on their head or jumps through hoops, or how many different methods of presentation they use. Maybe that student is facing tremendous personal stress and can't focus. Maybe you have a student who simply WON'T do it because they are just that defiant. Maybe you have a student who COULD do better if they had some support at home, but the parents can't or won't take the time to help them. And yet the parents will blame the teacher for their child's failure, because it MUST be something the teacher did or didn't do, because "MY CHILD" or "I" could NOT be at fault.

There's personal accountability to go around in THAT story.

How DARE you have a vicious dog that bites me as I come into your fenced yard? That BEWARE OF DOG sign gives me permission to sue you for my injuries, because you KNEW you had a vicious dog. (Never mind that I didn't have your permission to enter your yard. You knew better.)

Personal accountability.

How about a double portion?

Goodbye, Friend

2011-02-19T07:52:00.014-06:00

There are some goodbyes that I had to say this week...going to talk about just a couple, tho. The first is kind of a silly one, but a teensy bit BUMMER all the same. As you might remember from previous posts, my family likes Chicago Wolves hockey (AHL). My husband used to take the kids when the Cub Scout pack our son belonged to would go on Scout Nights. I would savor a night at home alone. Then something changed--my husband had mentioned there was a "family pack," or something like that, where you got 4 tickets along with hot dogs & drinks. Meh...ok. Why not? It was strangely mesmerizing! The Wolves were in the midst of a killer season (they won the Calder Cup that year), and while there were many excellent players, one caught my attention--BORIS VALABIK (pic from http://www.daylife.com/photo/0ffT6MO5OofJl). He's young enough to be my son, so it's not a creepy-weird thing like I'm drooling over him or anything like that, although that's sort of been the joke. But I digress. At 6'7" tall, first of all, you can't help but notice him. Second, he is a bruiser--as a defenseman, it's his job to, well, stop people from scoring. And for someone young enough to be my son, he IS kinda cute (image at right from http://www.sbnation.com/nhl/players/55459/Boris_Valabik). So, anyway. The following season our family decided to buy 1/2-season tickets--meaning we would have tickets to go to 21 home games. We got some awesome corner seats with a friend, and the really cool thing is that many of the players' families, when they come, sit in or next to our section; and if someone is scratched for that game, they sit nearby. It's been fun to see the players close-up and personal. Boris got called up to play for Atlanta--playing for the big boys, every AHL player's dream...So we weren't going to see Boris play anymore, but we were still gonna have a great time. Then in late November there was a jersey auction--one of Boris's jerseys from a few years before, game-worn and autographed, was the prize. My husband bought a ticket, and so did I. He got a call on the following Monday that he had won the jersey. We were so excited, but I admit to being a little pea-green. When we went to the next game, we stopped at the customer service center to pick up his prize. He turned to me, handed me the jersey, and said, "Merry Christmas." I was soooooo excited! My husband handed me one of the coolest gifts EVER! The customer service girl rolled her eyes and said, "THAT'S not a very good Christmas present!" I laughed and said, "No, it's a perfect present--my husband knows me VERY well!" Poor, young, unmarried dear, she's under the illusion that jewelry ALWAYS trumps everything else! We've been married too long for that...I have "let" dear hubby wear the jersey once in a while, But for the most part I have been the wearer, proudly showing my "Valabik 27" jersey at every home game. Boris "came home" to the Wolves at the beginning of this season, so it's been exciting for me to wear my jersey, seeing "my guy" on the ice at almost every home game. So, finally, we are to the "goodbye" part. BORIS GOT TRADED BY ATLANTA TO BOSTON. No longer will he be part of the Atlanta organization, and thus, unless he gets traded back, Boris is gone....snif.....bye bye, Boris....although we never met, I'm gonna miss you! (Let's hope they get a replacement who won't back off, either.)

The BIG GOODBYE of the week...maybe even more silly, but maybe you have something in your life that allows you to understand where I'm coming from. I'm saying goodbye to something that has been a part of my life for almost 24 years: my Personal Touch razor (http://www.amazon.com/Schick-Personal-Touch-Refill-Blades/dp/B001CZ6D1M). I knew the end was near a few years ago when I could no longer buy replacement blades at Target or Meijer. The only place I have been able to get them is at WalMart, a store I absolutely do not enjoy shopping at. I did get a Venus razor as a bonus buy with some shave gel quite some time ago, but those blades are really expensive in comparison, and the curve of the handle....well, it just wasn't the same! It just wasn't my Personal Touch razor, the tortoise-shell gem that had been with me throughout a big chunk of my life. (Venus shot from http://www.realpharmacyonline.com/?c=For__Her&start=12) This morning I turned on the water in the shower and grabbed my Personal Touch to change the blade while the water heated. "Hm. That blade must have a flaw--it's not staying in place!" So I put it back into its little chamber and went to the next one (last one in the package). Panic started to set in as THAT blade did not stay in place, either--although it wasn't as loose as the other, it still isn't quite right. I wiped down the magnetic surface--MAYBE it just isn't making good contact...sigh....that wasn't it, either. I guess the time has finally come: I must say goodbye to my Personal Touch razor. But I'm not gonna do it until the blade that is sliding just a little bit is no longer usable...My mom had gotten this razor as a mail-in bonus or something along those lines, and she did not want it. I took it with me to summer camp, where I worked as a counselor. That razor saw me through a summer of making new friends, taking care of kids 24/7 (preview of parenthood), teaching nature classes, and learning that I could indeed learn to dance to reggae music. In the fall, I went away to college after a few years at community college. My PT was with me as I dealt with roommate issues, through some stupid decisions (usually involving drinking too much--I was in college, after all), heartache, great times, and graduation. I had my PT when I met my husband, got my first teaching job, had my first apartment....moved back home with Mom & Dad before hubby and I got married. Somewhere around this time I lost the protective cover for it, but no worries--a piece of toilet paper wrapped carefully around it before placing it into a Ziploc bag was the cure. Had that PT as hubby and I moved to an apartment in Illinois, on to our first house, had our kids, and then moved on to the second house. The PT traveled with me on vacations to Virginia, Florida, Michigan, Wisconsin...I might have even taken it to Iowa, although I might not have worried about it that time. (Nothing personal, Iowa, but I was sleeping in a tent. It probably didn't seem necessary.) The PT has traveled to funerals, weddings, baptisms, graduations, and on and on and on....Yes, it gave me the occasional reminder that I had not paid enough attention. Those cuts on the ankle or heel were nothing to laugh about when I was going too fast or had not changed the blade recently enough. It was so "ordinary" to my routine--I knew how to maneuver around my ankles & knees and not nick myself.

I dug out the Breeze this morning, and will have to buy some blades. I know I can get a monster package at Costco, or smaller ones at any of the big guys like Meijer or Target (I won't have to make that trip to WalMart anymore). The blades are going to cost more, but the tradeoff is that the shave is a little nicer. But I'm still gonna miss my tortoise-shell "friend"! Bye bye, Personal Touch...old pal..."I'll miss you most of all!" (with a nod to Dorothy, upon departing Oz)

It's only words..... or is it?

2011-02-07T07:02:00.010-06:00

Tell me....what words do you allow your children to say? (image at right from cafepress.com)

I'll admit, if my kids hear an inappropriate word that comes from the typical naughty-word genre, they probably heard it from me, or at least heard it from me BEFORE they heard it from someone else.

BUT. That does not mean I think it's appropriate for those words to come out of my kids' mouths. And I have been trying to do a better job...I mean, if I can be a good girl and control my words 13 out of 17 waking hours, why not when I'm with my kids? I'm already doing better in the car...less Type A and more "you just never know why someone would do that, so I'm going to be nice about it."

Since I went back to work about 6-1/2 years ago, I have worked with elementary-aged children. My long-standing rule with the word "sucks" is that it is not a punishable offense, necessarily...but I will point out that "it stinks, it reeks, it rots--it does not 'that word.' Please choose a different one." And when asked why, I say that there are more polite ways of getting across what we feel.

I haven't allowed it at home, either...the only exception for my kids is when we are at a hockey game....there's an endearing little chant for when we score...it goes a little sumthin' like this: "*opposing goalie's last name, opposing goalie's last name, opposing goalie's last name,* YOU SUCK!" They get to be a little naughty, but with some parameters.

Now, don't get me wrong--I am well aware that either or both of my kids could very well have a case of potty mouth. (Suffice to say there was one time a few years ago where I had to have a sit-down with Bud's teacher and explain that his saying certain words in our house is NOT okay, and that he is NOT allowed to say inappropriate 4-letter words.)

I was not an angel when I was Bud's age--I couldn't name specifics, but I'm pretty certain at age 13 I said some pretty inappropriate things when my mother wasn't around.

HOWEVER. I will indicate again that I am trying to do better in this department, and that I expect my kids to show some respect for adults and their peers, and to be a good example to the little 'uns that might be around at any given point. So they're not allowed to use any of George Carlin's 7 words...in addition to variations of such...in addition to crass sexual innuendoes...there are probably a few other things, but nothing else comes immediately to mind.

My thought is that, if it is inappropriate for me to have a conversation about such things in front of my kids, I should not be hearing it out of THEIR mouths, either.

And what do you do when your child's friend says something that is unacceptable to you, aside from, "Michael, we don't use that word in our house"? At a certain age, that's blackballing your child, or making them the target of any number of things. (Yes, yes--I know "that child is no friend!", but we know the real score, don't we? That some words, TV shows, movies and music we object to for our children are okay in the homes of people we like quite well.) And what do you do when the "offender" is the child of a good friend, and it's been stated in front of all parties that you consider that word unacceptable from your child (the word "sucks," for example)?

I don't think I'm an uptight parent...really, I don't! Some might think so, given that we limit the vocabulary our kids are allowed to use, the music they are allowed to listen to (if it's got an advisory label, Dad has to clear it first--if he says no, then that's it), and the tv/movies they watch. But that, we feel, is our responsibility as parents, not the watchdogs who claim to know what's best for my kid. And it's not a teacher's job to un-do the damage of a kid's insensitive, cruel, ignorant comments made to a kid who is not in the know of subject matter that is beyond their age (what 5th grader should have knowledge of sexual positions, I ask you?)...

So tell me: What do you let your kid(s) say? Do you have age guidelines? Don't-ask-don't-tell policy? Help me out...

Neighborhood, Old-School

2011-02-03T07:41:00.014-06:00

So...take a blizzard prediction, make it come true....dump somewhere between 15-20" of snow in a 20-hour time frame and what do you get?

Apparently, a few neighborhoods away, you get CRAP. You get neighbors who don't look out for one another by lending a helping hand. You get people who don't think about others. Bunch of jerks who leave their neighbors to do their own thing without so much as lifting a finger for one another.

In our neighborhood, we found the flip side of that. Dear Hubby had already decided on Tuesday that he was not attempting to get to work on Wednesday, and fortunately the offices he supports had opted to close for the day as a preemptive measure. So when we awoke at 7 a.m. Wednesday and looked outside to see that the blizzard was still blizzarding, we figured we'd better take a look at weather.com to see whether (ha ha ha) the storm had moved on far enough that we should get outside and try to get a LITTLE bit done. Once we determined we were "close" to the back edge of the storm, I rousted Bud and Chickie to get a look at things before we started the cleanup. Oh, "dear children, since you're up, you might as well get dressed so you can pitch in." *cue the evil laugh*

As the kiddies were getting dressed, Dear Hubby grabbed a shovel to clear a path from the patio door out to the yard for the dog. Now, mind you, THIS is our dog: Pooch weighs about 15 pounds and is about 12" tall. He's not really built for this sort of weather. I took a picture out the patio door at his height, so just to give you an idea for what he would have been looking at prior to the path-cleaning. Yeah, well, even with a nice path shoveled out about 2o' from the door, Pooch was NOT GOING ANYWHERE ON HIS OWN. He tried to run, he even tried to play possum. We picked him up and tossed him out. (That's the benefit of having a 15-pound dog--he's easy to manhandle.) He valiantly tried to find a way over the wall of snow framing his path, but had to give up. He's more of a marker, but this time he just found a spot and did his business as quickly as possible.

After we got our driveway reasonably cleared out, we headed across the street...The pic at left is a snow cloud being thrown by Dear Hubby, workin' the snow blower at an older neighbor's house...J & J are very nice people we've met through Bud's occasional shoveling of their driveway. They appeared to have gotten the worst of the drifting at our end of the street (shown on right), and we felt there was just too much for Bud to handle on his own. So we got to work at J&J's while Bud and Chickie went to P's house, directly across the street from ours. P is a regular partaker of Bud's shoveling services, being a single guy who works erratic hours and travels occasionally (currently, he's some place warm...jerk. His house is on the left.). Dear Hubby and I had some coffee and chatted a bit with J&J, entertained ourselves for a few minutes by laughing at the ding-dongs who were trying to drive thru ridiculous drifts (where were they gonna go once they got off our street?), and eventually we observed that there were several other neighbors trying to make a dent in the craziness...so we moved on to help Bud & Chickie at P's house.

We have new neighbors a few doors to the north, a young couple who moved in at Thanksgiving time and just had a baby last week. There's poor T, shoveling by hand...HUGE drift in their driveway...V&R live between us and T, and because they have no snow blower, Dear Hubby cleared their sidewalk on his way to T's house. V&R and their 2 kiddos finished up their driveway, which wasn't too bad given that they had 2 cars in the driveway that had helped keep the fill-up to a minimum. C, who lives one door south of us, had just finished her driveway--so she came down with HER snow blower to help. (Are you keeping up with the initials? I'm getting confused, and I KNOW these people.) By this time, there was no more snow coming down. What a relief! We, along with T, C, and V and his son, moved on to M&K's house, and then to D&M's.

As we shoveled and snow blowed, we looked up and down the street to see that others were doing the same thing across the street. People were moving from one house to another, helping one driveway at a time. No one seemed angry, or frustrated, or WHATEVER--there was a lot of laughing and talking as we got reacquainted with one another after having spent the last few months tucked in our cocoons, and we had CONVERSATIONS with people we've only waved at as we drive by. It was a thing of beauty--as one driveway was finished, entire groups moved on to the next one. There are little clusters of people in this picture, working together-- OLD-SCHOOL. (By the way, we never did figure out what the guy in the Jeep was trying to accomplish. He drove around a bit, and in and out of his driveway, but ... well, we were just confused.)

OLD-SCHOOL. Do you remember when you were a kid when people didn't just get together at the annual neighborhood block party? Back to a day when you didn't have to formally invite your neighbors over for dinner to chat with one another?

OLD-SCHOOL. The neighborhood I grew up in was the EPITOME. When my parents moved into their house in 1966, there were some neighbors who welcomed this young couple who had a toddler and a baby, and helped them get acclimated to the 'hood. In subsequent years, there were invitations to birthday parties and New Year's parties, but there were chats in the driveway when they were done mowing the lawn--catching up on the latest, or to compliment you on your new car, or to ask what that new plant was that someone had put in last week. (There were also the occasional ding-dong-ditch and eggings, but the conversations that came afterward lent to the BONDING OF NEIGHBORS.)

OLD-SCHOOL neighbors looked out for one another. They were there for the emergency babysitting needs, when your mower ran out of gas, if you needed a stick of butter... Need a 9/16" socket? Got it. Threw your newspaper away by mistake? Here, take mine. Your kid is selling magazines to raise money for band uniforms? Send her down. Car stuck in the snow at the end of the block? Let me get my boots. Heard your wife is sick--here's a casserole for your dinner. Congrats on the new baby! When can we come over?

OLD-SCHOOL. When people cared about others without expecting anything in return. When people took care of one another because it was THE RIGHT THING TO DO. I'll admit to being guilty of not thinking about it sometimes...or being irritated when someone needs something and it's interrupting what I was going to do. But...it felt good to take in a neighbor's daughter for a short time Tuesday night (helping out in a shuffling-between-divorced-parents-for-the-night) so that the babysitter could get moving to HER home before the weather got worse. It felt good to put the little darlins' at my job into their parents' cars as the parents showed up, not making them wait until the dismissal bell. It felt good to share that cup of coffee with J&J, and chat about our childhoods a bit. It felt good to meet T, after hearing from K how nice he seemed. It felt good to help our neighbors just because we COULD. It felt good to make a birthday cake for our pal P, who made it as far as our house yesterday afternoon but would've had a tough time making it to his mom's house.

OLD-SCHOOL. That's the way it should be. My triceps, quads, abs,.......ok, all of my muscles are toast today. But you know what? This is the best I've felt in a long time. I am making myself a promise that I will try to contribute to more OLD-SCHOOL in my neighborhood.

A week of highs and lows

2011-01-29T06:47:00.004-06:00

Thinking the best way to write this week is to give red or dead...

to Bud, who won a national writing contest. A famous civil rights leader and author will visit his 7th grade language arts class on a date to be announced. PROUD MAMA MOMENT!

to the State of Illinois, for considering abolishing the Teachers' Retirement System (TRS). We work hard for the little bit that gets put in there, and it's not like WE are the reason the state is in financial ruin. Look in the chairs that fill the House & Senate, and look at the Cook County politicians. I guarantee, if you're honest, you'll find the problem in damn short order.

To my dear husband for working late every evening this week...he'll be putting in part of today, as well. It ain't easy, but it is appreciated!

To Fuzzy, my nephew, who is going to have some semblance of "normal" again--something he's been seeking for a while now. Hang in there, kiddo--we're all rooting for you!

To me, for completely TANKING on a quiz I thought I was prepared for. I am utterly humiliated, and am not quite sure how it went so wrong. Statistics and I have an acrimonious relationship dating to my undergrad days, but I thought I had a clue this time.

To parents who think nothing of Facebooking their annoyance with school staff over recess policies and procedures. How DARE they say that it's because the staff is lazy and doesn't want to go outside? They gripe because their kids aren't playing outside at lunchtime when the minimum temperature requirement is met (10 degrees or above including wind chill), but do not take into account the fact that there is ice all over the blacktop. We don't need any more teeth knocked out, any more broken arms, etc. because the kids aren't able to move around safely (and don't know how to manage their bodies properly). Next time, call the school and FIND OUT WHY instead of bashing us. Or, better yet, volunteer at recess so that you can see how things work (and why decisions are made the way they are), and let your kids play outside when they get home!

To an elderly neighbor of my parents', someone I have known all my life...he is very ill and...well, you know where pneumonia leaves many elderly folks in the wintertime.

To a friend who lives in Egypt with his family. We pray for your safety, and hope that communications are restored soon. If your friends are this concerned, I can't imagine how your families are feeling right now...

To the cold weather. Yes, I know it's still January. Yes, I know we have another 6-8 weeks of you. But, frankly, I am DONE WITH YOU.

To my dear husband for having arranged the garage so that I can park inside for the winter. Bless you, honey--I'm sorry YOUR car doesn't fit as well...maybe someday we'll have a 2-car garage that will actually accommodate 2 cars!

To my girlies who are going thru rough times right now. We've talked about how there's a reason for everything, but I'm not sure what that means anymore...

To the staff members in my building who pitch in when needed, even if it's not their turn or not in their contract; and to the ones who always do a little extra, even though they're already stretched insanely thin. I tried to "celebrate you, baby," but apparently other people feel the same way because you've already been "celebrated," and the Big Cheese wants to give everyone an opportunity before re-celebrating!

To the homework assignment I need to get working on...I've put you off long enough!

2011-01-22T07:10:00.009-06:00

So does anyone remember that Barenaked Ladies song, "Pinch Me"? (Sorry about the ad that came first...YouTube has to make money somehow! the photo is from amcpacer.com, from a page that shows Pacers that have been featured in famous ways...I'll reserve "Wayne's World" for another day.) That song makes me smile when I hear it, and it's not just the "I just made you say 'underwear'" part. That song is the anthem of all who are stuck in neutral...feel apathetic...but I'm sure y'all knew that already. There is someone close to me who I think personifies the song, but he is so CONTENT with his life that, although I would feel stuck, he does not--so I know I just contradicted myself, but it makes me giggle when I can tell him, "all my stuff's here anyway."

But this morning I got to thinking....I was up earlier than the rest of the household...I ground some coffee beans, unloaded the dishwasher, and then cleaned up the coffee mess created when the basket part overflowed because I didn't have the pot seated QUITE RIGHT, thus creating extra thinking time as I cleaned up...I re-washed some dishes that were in the line of flow, and re-made coffee. I got to thinking about WHY people continue to do things that make them neither happy nor unhappy--things that simply contribute to apathy. (And if that coffee/cleaning/dishwasher story doesn't scream "BORING!", I don't know what does. "I feel fine enough here, I guess--considering everything's a mess.")

Sure, there are things we all have to do that are neither pleasant nor unpleasant, but must be done. Things that are unpleasant but must be done are definitely in there, too--I don't know too many people who would rather clean house or do laundry than spend time with their family, tinker with a hobby, travel, etc. But I consider those things to be a cost of living, and do as much as has to be done to keep things livable. (So, in other words, call before you come over.)

Why do people stay in jobs that are simply jobs? If you hate it, don't like it, don't feel inspired by it, or it's just a place that gives you a paycheck a few times a month, WHY DO IT? Yes, I know that sounds pretty cavalier, given our current economic situation...people are reluctant to walk away from a sure thing because you don't know how long the next thing will last. If the new employer has to lay off, you're first on the block because you're the newbie...and if you have seniority or tenure in your current place, you're likely to batten down the hatches--at least, for now. But REALLY. When you are obviously not happy in your job, why not at least put out a few feelers to see what else might be out there? There are other jobs out there...not many, and you're gonna have to look hard...but maybe that's the key: THEY DON'T WANT TO LOOK HARD. IT'S TOO MUCH WORK. "All my stuff's here anyway." (Even when I was a kid, I wasn't too sure Laverne & Shirley were dreaming of something better...I thought they looked bored and defeated. pic is from www.theminimumrange.com).

So, instead, they exhibit great mediocrity at this place that gives them a paycheck. Day in and day out, they continue to plod to the workplace, unless they can think of a good reason to use a sick or vacation day, do the bare minimum to get by, and call it a day (Bare minimum, barenaked? Coincidence that they'd write this song? I think not.) Maybe they treat their coworkers in a not-so-nice fashion because their dissatisfaction has to come out in some way. Maybe they treat subordinates or those they serve in an even-less-than-not-so-nice fashion because they're the reason I'm stuck here. I don't know. But no matter how you cut it, this person is not happy and they're NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. "You try scream, but it comes out as a yawn." They have a JOB, not a CAREER. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a career, but if you're not happy with your job, shouldn't you do something about it?

I think we all have days where we're not so fond of our careers/jobs. While I know I'm fortunate to not have had a day where I dreaded going to work, I have definitely had days where I was GLAD THE DAY WAS OVER. And for what I make, I could probably find another job...or, at least, I could have a few years ago before the economy tightened up more. But that aside, there is a reason I've gone back to school. I love my job, but it can't be a career. I enjoy the majority of my co-workers and have created some relationships that extend outside the walls we work within, and hope that those relationships will stay strong once one of us leaves the walls for good. I know that I can do more to serve students once I have my MASE (Master's in Special Ed), and am hoping I have figured out what my career will be. I don't feel that I am stuck in a mediocre job, because every year I learn something that will help me when I become a big girl and start teaching again. (For those who haven't gone back to my older blogs and who don't know me well, I am a teachers' assistant working for 2 teachers of students with learning disabilities. I do have my own teaching degree, but I took this job 5-1/2 yrs ago so that I could ease back into the world of work and have flexibility in my schedule to do what my kids need.)

If you don't find joy in what you do, why are you doing it? Is it just for the paycheck? So that you can keep the roof over your head? Not a bad reason, to keep that roof or to ensure the future financial security of your children, or to provide for your retirement. But if you're unhappy, why still do THIS particular thing? Is there another way you can make it work that would make you happier?

New Semester

2011-01-19T16:31:00.007-06:00

YIKES! So when you start the new semester with strep and end up missing the first night of an 8-week class, how does that play out? Pretty well, so far...in my prof's words, he didn't mark me absent because he thought I was there, and he just doesn't "give a shit." LOL! Seriously. He doesn't worry about attendance. Let's say I was a bit taken aback by his ... um... gregariousness? outrageousness? I'm not sure what the correct word is to use. Cyclone...whirlwind... It reminded me a bit of Carrot Top combined with Gallagher--back in the 80s, remember them? Carrot Top (pre-surgery days, from the 80s/early 90s) because you never quite knew what was going to come out of his mouth (as evidenced above), and Gallagher because if you were sitting in the front row, you were almost in need of a drop cloth to catch the outlandishness with. He wasn't smashing watermelons with a sledgehammer, or spraying saliva, or anything like that...I sat 2nd from the back in my row--not that THAT means much because the classroom is only 4 seats deep--and I felt like I was in the line of fire! This is DEFINITELY not a situation where you want to be caught drifting off in your own little world. You're GONNA GET BUSTED. The guy is rapid-fire in his discussion, and in his ability to jump from topic to topic. Energy to spare, without a doubt. It's going to be interesting learning about behavioral and emotional disabilities--he could write an anecdotal collection that would curl your toes! (Gallagher from www.bleacherreport.com, Carrot Top from www.corbisimages.com)

Thursday's class, which I was able to make it to, was interesting from a completely different perspective. This woman has a pretty impressive set of credentials, and I am certain I will learn lots from her. HOWEVER, the book is sooooooooooooooo boooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrinnnggg.... SNORE. Assessment. How to determine the proper tool to assess a student's needs, and how to analyze the data to get the student what s/he needs. (STATISTICS comes into play here. Stats, FYI, is the only course I ever failed in my entire LIFE. I am NOT looking forward to this aspect.) I am very interested in the assessment component--learning how to look at the data and get what I need out of it in order to work with my kiddos, but I am a little terrified by that X with the line over it (which simply means "average") because, while I can manage some algebra, that statistics stuff makes my blood run cold. Another thing that has sent me into a bit of a tailspin is that we are supposed to have on-line quizzes available via LiveText (the site I carped about last semester). I didn't see the quiz this afternoon, and am worried that I missed the window of opportunity to take the quiz, and she is only going to toss one quiz over the semester. Did I totally blow it and so I'm not even going to get the opportunity to have one tossed? More likely the quiz hasn't been posted yet, but I'm a Nervous Nellie. (www.etsy.com. one of these days I'm going to figure out how to do a text box or something so that the credit can go below the picture, not in my text.) MyNervous Nellie-ishness is gonna be the death of me, I have no doubt...or, at the very least, I will alienate my classmates with my incessant e-mailings regarding assignments, etc.

Oh, and I forgot to mention something elseabout Gallatop...he wants us to blog our assignments, and he is using this very same website to do it! So, yeah, I told him I'd be careful what I said in my personal blog--and he said not to worry. (So in case Dr. H reads this, I am totally NOT going to call you Gallatop--it just made me giggle to realize I could make up a little name to use this one time. Unless you read this and think it's funny. I'm a bit of a sycophant sometimes, and I'll use "Gallatop" if it's not going to affect my grade and it's encouraged by Dr. H.) (Dwight Schrute from "Office Space," Rainn Wilson, from www.blog.nateoman.com) I'm a bit like Dwight in that I know when to kiss the appropriate patootie, but there is also a difference....Dwight never does it without some kind of ulterior motive. I'll do it just out of respect sometimes, if there aren't ulterior motives involved.

And just jumping off into nowhere land, I recently purchased Rainn Wilson's Soul Pancake. I am really looking forward to finding some time to read a page or two. Life's mysteries and questions, from the man behind Dwight Schrute. I'll let you know once I get moving on it. It's probably gonna be a while...my goal was to read it while I was off for "winter" break, but it was backordered and I got it late last week. Drag...

On another note, my pal PC and I are trying to get on board with our own Biggest Loser competition. He and I were the LOSERS of the last round, wherein his two sisters kicked our butts in serious fashion. In our defense, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Eve & Day, and his big Christmas party fell in that time frame...not that his sisters didn't have those very same holidays and events to celebrate, too, but their motivation is coming from very different places. Mine simply has to do with wanting to get back into the stupid clothes I had not been able to wear the winter before. So now I'm in the unenviable position of needing to get into LAST WINTER'S clothes as well as those from last spring. I SWEAR, spring is NOT THAT FAR AWAY. I need to think about this. I'm not sure what PC's motivation is, other than wanting to be healthier. But perhaps we'll keep one another moving in the proper direction this time.

Back-to-School Bookstore Visit

2011-01-07T06:03:00.013-06:00

Why is it that, a week before classes begin, all textbooks are not available in the university bookstore?

Seriously.

Why?

When the heck do people buy their books?

I went to my university's bookstore on Monday to buy books for my three classes, two of which start next week. Yes, I realize that's a full week before they are needed. But I also returned to work this week, and I do have a family to tend to. Plus, I figured if I bought my books early, I'd have a shot at getting some of the used books that others sold back in December.

Not so much.

I walked to the SPED section and ... dismay is what comes to mind.

Oh, sure, one book I needed was there--$160, only in brand-new condition...why in the world a book needs to be $160 is beyond me. But that's what it was, and it wasn't available used, so that's what I got. Last semester I attempted to explain to my kids that, the less common a book is, the more expensive it will be (it's not a Harry Potter paperback)...and because across the country there aren't that many people getting master's degrees in special education, the books are bound to be more expensive. That doesn't make me feel any better, especially given that the book is not all that thick. (Not that I want extra work, or to be overloaded with a bunch of stuff I don't understand. Don't get me wrong.) I was able to find one other book on the shelf besides this one, and fortunately two of the classes have books that will overlap the courses (2 of 4 books will be used in both classes), so that was comforting.

But WHAT IS THE DEAL with the other 3 books not being available? Do they think everyone is going to walk on campus on Monday and stand in line to buy books 5 minutes before their classes start?

I went to the counter and, trying to use my most pleasant "I'm frustrated, but am willing to pretend I must be blind and the books that should be in those gaping holes labeled with my course numbers really ARE there" voice, asked the clerk if she could help me locate my books. She walked back with me and said, "hm, they must not be here yet."

REALLY?

Why, I asked, would they not be here a week before school begins? She said that, for whatever reason, some book sellers had put deliveries on hold because--well, universities were closed for 2 weeks, so the sellers assumed no one would be there to receive deliveries. (I was more inclined to believe the Barnes & Noble lady's explanation of "the eastern storms were so vicious that the publishers were simply unable to get books out" when I had been at B&N a week before.)

I moaned and groaned a bit, whining that I have a family and am a full-time employee, and simply do NOT HAVE THE TIME to come back on a whim (of course, I KNOW I can call ahead) to look for books, and it's beyond me how book sellers could possibly think this would be okay, and that I understand it's not HER fault the books are not there, but I'm sooo disappointed that they're not...I should tell you that I have a voucher at the bookstore that pulls from my student loan, so I do not want to order books on line...it's not that much cheaper to do the online buy anyway (I looked), and by the time I would add shipping, it's higher than buying them at the university bookstore.

The clerk took pity on me...and it's not like there was ANYONE ELSE in the bookstore (which I ALSO couldn't believe)...she said she had some boxes she had not yet unpacked, and would check to see whether any of the books I needed were in those boxes. Lo and behold, about 10 minutes later, she appeared with 2 of the 3 remaining books. Okay, I felt a little better about THAT. I was grateful for her above-and-beyond attitude, AND the novel at the left is one that I had spotted last fall but knew I did not have time to read...The textbook was USED, which is baffling to me...obviously they do not manage things like they did "back in the day, before the war," because I bought a used book that had been shipped to them...THEY didn't do the flipping-through to see whether it was in usable condition. But I digress. Because I was able to get my hands on the novel during a week where I had no homework, I decided to READ it rather than giving it the cursory skimming it would've received during the regular semester. (I did do the reading, and it was a very good book! I will admit to having extreme distaste for the main character until about 1/2 way through the book, which was without a doubt what the author was intending. I shifted to disbelief that most kids would do what this character did, but it was still a good story.)

So...I called yesterday, and the last of my books is now in. The bookstore closes at 3:30 today, which is 20 minutes earlier than I get off work....I forgot to ask whether they are open on Saturday, so I have decided to wait until Tuesday, before my class, to go in and buy the book. This will, of course, necessitate my ability to have my act together and leave the house about 40 minutes earlier than I normally would, because I don't want to be stuck standing in line with 60 other people who put off buying their book until the very evening their class starts, and then end up being late for class. Of course, the book I need yet is one that overlaps the two classes, so it's not like I can put it off until mid-way through the semester. All I can say is I hope the prof actually has us READ THE BOOKS rather than fluffing off outside reading. My ambition flags when I am not held responsible for it, and the whole point of dropping the equivalent of a new car is to get something out of this 2-year program.

I asked the clerk when the dorms re-open, and she said students will return on Sunday. Makes me wonder when they will buy their books if they have 8:00 a.m. Monday classes. Also makes me think back to my undergrad days and wonder when in the world I bought my books?

A Few of My (winter break) Favorite Things

2010-12-28T06:50:00.009-06:00

Unfortunately, I'm not gonna give y'all freebies like Oprah--I'm not made of money, unlike the queen of daytime TV. (Sorry, Susan Lucci fans...it's Oprah. Oh, wait--is Susan Lucci even on TV anymore? I have no clue.)

We're more than 1/2 way through our "winter break," which used to be "Christmas break," back before we became a p.c. society. Not complaining or mocking, but stating a fact (well, okay, maybe mocking a LITTLE bit...). I'm feeling warm & fuzzy about a few things, and thought I'd throw some ideas out there. I'd love to hear what YOUR favorite things are!

These are not in any particular order, other than how they fall out of my head and to my fingers....

snow that can be packed into forts and snowmen (and even snowballs, if you're playing at my house and not on the school playground)

Mom's Christmas cookies--thank you for taking the time to make your mother-in-law's German cookies that we would otherwise not have because no one else is willing to go to all that work (I will keep making Grandma's wreath cookies, however--they're labor-intensive, but a small contribution...)

Winter break, which allows me not only time to catch up on a few chores, but also on my "sit in the desk chair and see what's new" time

Time with family and friends not seen for months (and perhaps even since last Christmas)

New books to jam through before returning to work/school

Catching up on movies that have waited a few months (yesterday I watched "Fireproof" and started to watch but gave up on "Serious Moonlight," which was utterly stupid...hubby and I watched "Osso Bucco," which would have been a good play, as hubby so astutely observed)

Sitting in my jammies/nightgown instead of rushing to shower and dress for work

Hot chocolate and Christmas cookies for the kids after they've been outside playing in the snow

Cozy blankets to curl up under in the evening

Delicious smells that waft through the house as I bake and cook things I don't have time for when school is in session

The warmth of the stove as I bake & cook

Looking at the nativity scenes that seem to be my new, unintentional "collectible"

The Christmas greetings sent from many miles away

A fresh cup of coffee as I look outside at the bleakness of the dawning day

Facebook so I can enjoy the travails of my friends as they enjoy (or not) their holiday bliss

Electronic photo-ordering so I can upload my pictures to the computer and send them to stores near our parents' homes and avoid having to pay to mail them (of course I pre-pay online so our parents don't have to pay when they pick them up!)

The reality checks I am constantly given so that I can try to learn to be grateful for what I have

Your turn!

Holiday Rant

2010-12-21T13:43:00.008-06:00

Please understand that this rant is not about any of YOU. (And as long as we're at it, I'm not SHOUTING AT YOU in any of my paragraphs...the formatting looks fine in the "compose" window, but when I get to "preview," I'm shouting. I've tried different fonts and sizes, to no avail. Sorry. I'm hoping it's better in the final form.

RE: Holiday newsletters.
People are weird. They SAY they want to know what you've been up to. Yet they mock you for TELLING them what you've been up to. They say, "oh, my my my--how perfectly wonderful it is to be in their family! Don't we all wish we could be that perfectly perfect?" Yet, if you write about all the boring things or, God forbid, any tragedies, you've experienced, they gripe about what a downer you are, especially around the holidays.
(For those who are saying, "I NEVER ask what people are up to, and I STILL get their letters!" The reason this happens is because there are people out there who complain if someone gets the newsletter and they don't. We don't want YOU to be one of those who feels left out. Just tell us without making fun or running us into the ground.)

RE: "Happy Holidays"
If you're celebrating Christmas, please just say so. Christmas, Winter Solstice/Yule, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Boxing Day--they all have reasons for being in December (harvest & solstice, primarily), so can't we all just get along? Just because someone wishes you "Merry Christmas" does not mean they are trying to cram religious mumbo-jumbo at you. We worry so much about offending each other that we offend each other with the triviality of "Happy Holidays!" Why can't we just accept that people celebrate their faith in different ways and be okay with whatever someone presents to us in the way of a friendly greeting they would not give us if it were May, or August, or whatever? WAIT. MAYBE THAT'S THE PROBLEM. Maybe we should be nice to one another, no matter what the season is! Or the day. Or the reason. How about JUST BECAUSE.

RE: Holiday Shopping
We all gripe about how the season is so commercialized--we're all tired of forking out the big bucks, etc., and why can't we just get back to the basics of the season? And yet, what do we do, year after year? We fork out the big bucks and don't get back to the basics. What are the basics, anyway? I guess you'd have to take a look back at the list above (which is by NO MEANS completely inclusive) and figure out exactly what your values are! My dear hubby and I decided 4 years ago to skip buying Christmas gifts for one another after having taken a few expensive trips with our kids that year. We haven't looked back. We still buy gifts for our kids (and parents & nieces/nephews), and we make sure the kids have gifts to give to the other parent...it started out that way because we figured a 6-year-old wouldn't understand the concept of why their parents don't have any gifts--as if they'd have noticed! But that aside, I don't miss all the pressure of figuring out what to buy (or of worrying how we're going to pay off debt we incur buying stuff we would just go buy if it were something we REALLY needed).

Not, by any stretch, that this means we don't somewhat buy into the commercialism of the season. Without a doubt, we do a lot to support the economy in December. But we've also made an effort to have some traditions such as hunting down the perfect tree together, lighting our Advent wreath and saying the related prayers every Sunday, etc. And we really have cut out a lot of the extra stuff...why buy a gift for a service provider who doesn't knock your socks off? If it's not even mediocre, they haven't "earned" it. Or if you're giving a GIFT, shouldn't it be just that, and not have it be reduced to being about the money (complaining about how much you spent)? What is it, a sense of pride/embarrassment that we can't let others know we didn't buy a gift for someone?

But you HAVE to come!
Please don't tell me you don't want to drive the X hours/miles to visit me in the winter time. If you expect me to haul &#% to your house over icy, snow-covered roads with a car full of gifts and then focus on all the drama rather than on "the reason for the season," why shouldn't I expect that you could drive to see me in November? or January or February? "The weather might be bad" is no excuse. The road I drive on to get to you is exactly the same road you'd drive on to get to me.

The gossip mill/rumor mill/bi***fest
I can understand that you have a lot to tell me about since we don't get together as much as we'd all like. I also understand that I'm a fresh ear, and am happy and willing to listen to a certain amount just because (1) I care about you, and (2) it can be entertaining. But please don't take advantage of the opportunity to bash someone else I care about, especially when we DON'T have the opportunity to get together all that much. I don't want to spend my 2-3 days with you just hearing how p***ed you are at someone else, or how they hurt your feelings, or how you simply can NOT talk to them.

The guilt trip
Yes, we wanted to see Couple X, and we wanted to see Friend Z, or Relative Y, which took time away from what you were hoping we'd be doing. We aren't trying to use you, or to slight you in any way by spending time with others. There really isn't enough time to squeeze in a good visit with everyone we want to see (or who wants to see us). (Remember that thing about how the road goes in both directions...there are a lot of people who don't drive in our direction, but we still try to see them when we're in town.) You're right, we didn't stay long. But (1) if dear hubby doesn't work, he doesn't get paid. We'd prefer to not lose the roof over our heads, and (2) as much as we love each other, deep down we both know the visit was long enough. Leave them wanting more, so there's something to look forward to when the weather WON'T be bad.

But, on the plus side, traveling for Christmas allows us to see people we don't get to see on a regular basis--even if not for very long. And the joy Bud and Chickie get from spending time with their extended family is definitely worthwhile...they don't see much of their relatives, and it's important that they know "who they are," both the family members and THEMSELVES. And Dear Hubby and I have an opportunity to spend time with the people who helped form us into who we are, and with whom we share our roots (whether blood or not). We all have a chance to reconnect with our ghosts of Christmas past, enjoy our Christmas in the present, and look ahead to Christmas in the future.

Isn't that more important than how much we spent in dollars or in number of hours?

What an awesome week!

2010-12-17T21:31:00.004-06:00

I know, I know..."awesome" is a cliche. But. Here I am!

Fuzzy is home. My fabulous, beautiful little nephew is home. Nothing else to say.

Our school had "holiday parties" today. I can't even get on a rant re: Christmas parties (see above). I love the little darlins, but stick a fork in me. I'm ready to have 2 weeks off. See you on 1/3, sweet peas!

I finished my classes last night...I have no reason to expect I didn't get A's in my Tuesday class and in my Thursday class. Not that I didn't earn it and that I don't deserve it, but I am anxiously awaiting my grades to be posted on Tuesday. Call it my OCD thing, or whatever. But I need to see it to believe it.

My girlies are all in my thoughts and prayers right now. Some are in perfectly mellow, "normal" situations...others are struggling through mid-life crises and other levels of turmoil. They, especially, are in my prayers as we head into the Christmas season. I hope that their significant others and children and parents find their way to peace, wherever they happen to FIND that peace. My girlies need their peace, too...

God bless all of you as we head into the TRUE Christmas season...the 12 days haven't gotten here yet--they end on 1/6! (Happy bday, sis) If my Christmas cards don't make it out before the actual Christmas Day, I will have them out during the 12 Days...

Gratitude for all the real gifts of the season...that's what I'm feeling right now!

Thank you, Grandpa...

2010-12-08T19:52:00.004-06:00

At the risk of looking exceptionally lazy, I am going to post one of my assignments here...one of my grad school profs required four "reflections" to be submitted over the course of the semester. I got my last one back last night, after she commented to me that I made her cry." I responded, "good." And I meant it. Her written comments were: "Smart man, your grandpa! I thank your Grandpa, also...you will be a GREAT! SPED teacher! Please keep in touch!"

Here's my reflection.

Something began nagging at me after you mentioned that some people have told you in their reflections of how they came to be at this point in their lives. I dug around for a letter I’ve had since I was a college freshman 26 years ago. It’s been a very long time since I pulled it out, but every time I read it, I find it is relevant to my life in different ways from the last time I read it. This one is going to be a little long, so I apologize in advance.

When I was a teenager, grades and higher education were not all that important. My parents had been average to above-average students, so as long as we didn’t bring home a C with no good reason to support it, we were “okay.” And, as you remember, times were different in the early 1980s—higher education was not a necessity. In my community, only the really smart kids were expected to get a four-year degree because the rest of us were going to do just fine without it. There were jobs available, and you didn’t need to “prove” anything to get them. There wasn’t big money involved, but the jobs were respectable; these were the jobs our parents and grandparents plugged away at…our elders made decent livings, took care of their families, and maybe had a little something to show for it at the end. Typical blue-collar, working-class town in mid-Michigan. I don’t say that as an insult, but that’s the way we were raised. Nobody from the older generations (not even my dozen or so older cousins) had earned so much as an associate’s degree, and they all did “just fine.”

As a senior in high school, I was fortunate to get a job working in one of the offices of a world-wide corporation which is headquartered in a neighboring town. I was thrilled because I made thirty cents an hour more than minimum wage, and I got to wear heels to work! But I also knew I was going to need to get an associate’s degree if I were going to move up in the secretarial ranks. High school graduation sent me off to work on my associate’s degree in a secretarial field. Yawn.

After the first semester, I received a letter from my grandfather, who was a pretty bright guy; he had graduated from high school two years early, but because his parents had a very large family, he did not go to college. He meandered through a series of mediocre jobs, beat alcoholism, and became the best county treasurer their community had ever had. I know that sounds biased, but the community loved him. He was proud of the fact this his books had never been off by so much as a penny—no small feat back in the pre-computer days! At any rate, in his letter, he said that “there are many accountants, but few CPA’s. There are many secretaries, but few Executive Secretaries.” I must confess I was a little annoyed by his letter when I received it. I knew what he meant, but was too obstinate (or immature) to take it to heart. But I kept the letter.

About a year later, I was nineteen and very disillusioned with this fabulous office job AND with my classes. I was working with women who, at 25, seemed old. Tired. Resigned. STUCK. Epiphany: Why not follow through on my childhood dream of becoming a teacher? I spent a total of 2-1/2 years at community college and transferred to a state university. It took an extra semester to decide on a major, and thus I took six years to complete my Bachelor of Science in Education. Where did I end up teaching? In a “very rural” community where high school kids cared even less about their education than MY peers had. There were no teacher mentoring programs at the time, and it was an extremely rocky year. I was almost grateful when the principal said they had decided not to renew my contract!

Back I went to my home town and dragged on through other jobs at that world-wide corporation. My husband and I were married during that time, and moved to Illinois in 1995. In 1998, our son was born and I started thinking again about teaching. Someone at the ISBE (Illinois State Board of Education) told me I would need to re-do methods classes and student teaching, so I decided at that point teaching was NOT going to be for me. We had our daughter in 2000 and, when she was four, I fell into a job teaching preschool. They were ecstatic to have someone with an actual bachelor’s degree in education, even if it wasn’t in early childhood ed. I was on our son’s PTA board at the time and did some volunteering at the school as well, and after just a few months at the preschool, I “ended up” taking a job as an aide for two teachers of students with learning disabilities at the elementary school in my neighborhood.

I was happy to have a secure job with benefits, but I thought back to those few years I spent at the state university, back when I had spent my summers working at a YMCA resident camp. We had special groups come early in the season, and one of those groups (from a neighboring “community mental health” agency) serviced clients I now recognize as being in that 1% of low-incidence/severe/multiple disability category. Those few days each summer were absolutely draining. Those clients who could manage, we put on horses for a short walk around the main camp area. We took others on hikes…I’ll never forget how frustrating some of those hikes were, especially in cases such the one young woman who was blind, and always insisted she was going to fall—that inner ear! Now I know… Some of their clients with Down Syndrome really touched us with their love for one another (and “touched us” in their effort to love us as well!). As our college-aged camp staff laughed one evening about some of that day’s events, one of the group’s staff came into the room. We were mortified at having been caught, but this very kind woman said, “Hey, it’s okay! We would never make it if we couldn’t laugh about some of these things. You can’t take them, or yourself, too seriously.” But I knew a career in special ed was NOT FOR ME. It was TOO HARD. It was TOO EMOTIONAL. It was TOO DRAINING. Going back in my mind all those years, I knew when I took this job that I would be looking for whatever else opened up the following year, because special ed was NOT FOR ME.

Call it God’s plan, a cosmic joke, karma, or whatever your preference might be, but a year later, when I was offered the very job I had interviewed for and so desperately wanted the previous year, I said no. A very soft, apologetic “no.” Darn it, anyway! I couldn’t BELIEVE it when I heard the word come out of my mouth! How in the world did those kids wiggle into me? I was not willing to leave them behind—I wasn’t done with them yet! Of course, it didn’t hurt to have gained an intelligent, compassionate mentor who also became a wonderful friend. It took me a few more years to decide to jump through the state hoops and take three competency exams (NO methods courses OR student teaching—I simply needed to talk to the right person) in order to prepare for admission to graduate school.

I got out Grandpa’s letter today and read it for the first time in several years. It spoke to me in yet another way, one where I thought, “I FINALLY GET IT.” I think he knew I’d get it eventually. He knew me long before I had ever figured it out. I feel like “some quirk of fate, luck & determination,” to quote Grandpa, has helped me put it all together, too, just as helped him some 50 years ago. I have never been one to bitterly think about what could have been or to relive things I could have done differently, to paraphrase Grandpa; but I’m at the point where I have realized where my potential lies. Grandpa said I must pick my goals and attain them, and while I may not reach all of them, that I should do my best and be satisfied emotionally if I know that, “down deep in your heart, you worked to the limits of your abilities.” I didn’t know that “somewhere along the way” meant I would know my goals 26 years after I received this letter. At that time, my own mother wasn’t even the age I am now…it would have been unfathomable to have known I wasn’t going to put it all together until I was OLD! While I always knew what he meant about accountants and CPAs, I feel beyond a doubt that I can finally ACTUALIZE it—I can give it MEANING, rather than simply understanding what it MEANS. Grandpa also wrote, “Satisfaction with yourself & accepting what you have done & being happy and secure about it is what life is all about.” Trying to work full-time, raise my children, be a good wife, and do community service while working on this degree is a struggle. I don’t feel “happy” or “secure” about it most of the time; quite frankly, most of the time I am extremely worried about being able to run with the big dogs. But I know that this is the right thing to do. I love what I am learning and am open to all the possibilities of teaching in an environment that I swore was NOT FOR ME. I want to help someone who might not otherwise have an opportunity to figure out who THEY are meant to be.

Grandpa ended the letter by telling me he gave me a grade of “A.” Thank you, Grandpa.

Gratitude comes in many sizes and forms

2010-11-24T08:01:00.012-06:00

Gratitude is a funny thing...we complain when people don't show gratitude for kindnesses we do for them, and yet we forget to show it for things others do for us. If we're lucky, we're able to let it go when we get frustrated with the lack of appreciation others show...and if we're lucky, we get a chance to go back and say, "hey, I should've been more appreciative of the fact that you - - -."

Thanksgiving, of course, is tomorrow. And while I should be working fast and furious on my presentation that I'm only 1/4 of the way thru, which is due Tuesday, which I will need to pare down, which I need to practice, which I need to pull into handout form, I need to spend some time making up for not being grateful when I should've been, and to reiterate a few grateful statements that I may have tossed out in passing instead of expressing it more appropriately...

Thank you, God, for my wonderful family (in my house and all the extended)--and for not allowing me to drive a wedge between us because I am too wrapped up in myself or too frustrated or preoccupied to be patient with them.
Thank you, dear husband, for carrying so much of the household burden while I try to be a good student...and for working to assuage my guilty feelings.
Thank you, Bud and Chickie, for being good kids. Even when I am grumpy with you, I love you more than you could possibly know.
Thank you, dear sis, for showing "amazing grace" under exceptional pressure. You and your dear husband are a shining example of selfless parenting.
Thank you, Fuzzy, for being you. We love you and need you. (I know, mooshy stuff...I'll leave it alone now.)
Thank you, Big Sister, for being a caring, lively young woman. Sorry, Sis, for the "young woman" statement... but she's on her way...;-)
Thank you, Mom and Dad, for being who you are. You got us all ready to do the things we do, and to be prepared for all sorts of other stuff along the way!
Thank you, Mott staff, for taking care of Fuzzy. I am in awe of how compassionate you are! ALL of you.
Thank you, JP, for giving me the courage and inspiration to make a career change I would never have considered 20 years ago...and for being a TRUE FRIEND.
Thank you, CB, for being such a good friend, co-worker, and tireless supporter of Veterans and active Military. YOU are a hero!
Thank you, AS, for being a good friend even though we don't get to see one another NEARLY enough. Your little guys have a wonderful mom, and a great role model! They (and you) are destined for greatness.
Thank you, KB, for being my walking buddy/therapist/friend. I look forward to our walks, even tho I grumble about the cold (and I'm NOT walking when it gets any colder than it has been).
Thank you, 308 family, for your support and prayers for my nephew and all of our family as we hang together.
Thank you, STA, for your support and prayers as well...faith is a good thing to share!
Silly as it sounds, thank you, Facebook, for helping us all stay in touch.
I'm thankful for my fabulous friend/massage therapist Mary...wish I could see her more socially and professionally! Hoping we WILL see each other this afternoon!
I'm thankful for my instructors because, although they have heaped me with a load of work that I should be attacking instead of sitting here, I am learning a lot.
I am thankful for my job...although it is tougher this year and I'm not doing some of the things I really ENJOY doing, I HAVE A JOB. And the fact that I love it is the icing on the cake!
I am thankful for a solid roof over my head and a furnace that works.
I am thankful for 3 meals a day, and even when it's not "really" what we want, we HAVE something to eat.
I am thankful that I was fortunate enough to be born in the United States of America. Even though it's not perfect and our economy is still in the toilet, I am glad to live in a country people still dream about wanting to come to.
I am thankful for a hair stylist who has never left me wondering how in the world I am going to wait for the cut or color to grow out.
I am thankful for clean water to drink and to bathe in, and pray for more common sense in using that resource wisely.
I am thankful for cell phones and computers. Who would have thought 20 years ago we'd be so reliant on them? They've been a Godsend over the past few weeks.
I am thankful for DVR. I know it sounds silly, but one of my favorite times of the day is when I'm sitting with dear husband at the end of a long day, watching a TV show we both enjoy.
I am thankful that my family is able to have family dinners almost every night of the week. Although I have frequently bailed on them lately so I can get back to homework or off to school, that little amount of time that we spend catching up on each other's activities is a treasure.
I am thankful for my neighborhood--what great people to be surrounded by!
I am thankful for my senses, and although I am not happy to hear the sleet hitting the side of the house, I am grateful that my hearing is acute enough to hear it over the dishwasher and TV I am blessed to have.
I am thankful for Dove chocolate. 'nuff said.
I am thankful for a day off.
I am thankful for Charles Shaw.
I am thankful for people who are willing to read my foolish blogging!

I am thankful for the wherewithal to realize I need to get back to my homework...Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!

How do you do it?

2010-11-14T04:41:00.003-06:00

How do you stay focused on what's important, and yet get done what needs to be done?

That is my challenge right now...My family is in the midst of a crisis dealing with an extended family member, and it is ROUGH. We aren't involved on a hands-on basis, if that makes sense, due to the physical distance between us. The mental component is there, however. "Worrying doesn't help." Of course not! Worrying is NOT going to make it better, but how do you stop doing something you're programmed to do? "There's nothing you can do right now." I know that. There's where some of the worry comes from.

THIS is what's important.

The stuff that needs to be done is NOT what's important, but it's what I have to do.

Yet I feel I'm doing a disservice to the IMPORTANT thing.

How do you reconcile yourself with the guilt over having to do other things?

2 Down, 40 to Go

2010-11-02T06:32:00.019-05:00

Phew, glad THAT'S over!! I completed my first grad class on October 21. Presentations were a little long-winded that evening, but considering the fact that people were discussing the culmination of 6 weeks' worth of research, and that research was probably on a topic that was near and dear to the presenter's heart, well...I guess we can cut some slack. Presentations were to have been 10 minutes long, and while I had timed mine at home, complete with uh's and um's, at 12 minutes, I ran 15. SORRY, GANG. If y'all had looked bored, I probably would have realized I was over my time limit and wrapped up sooner.

Then came the ESPECIALLY HARD PART: waiting for the grade. We had turned in papers which our presentations were based on via LiveText, so we knew we were not only waiting for the presentation grade (15% of semester grade), but also the paper grade (30% of semester grade). That's a lot of points to be waiting on!

The topic of the course was Diversity & Disability , and our prof was very much into the diversity piece--occasionally he verbally linked diversity to disability, but many times it was left to us to put together...not that it was difficult to do at those times, but there were also many times where the content was much more about diversity as it relates to discrimination. But, again, if you stretch the tiniest little bit, a rational person can see how discrimination could lead to disability: If you (even inadvertently) discriminate against someone because of their race, sex, gender preference, socioeconomic status, WHATEVER, you are potentially setting that person up for a disability. Disability is not necessarily a physical or cognitive thing--it can also be related to lack of opportunity because someone has not received the proper education to know certain things. (BTW, the cute little dog is wearing a diversity t-shirt and the made-in-the-USA thing just happens to be there.)

So. That being said, the presentations were on a variety of topics...mine was on providing LGBTQ students with support systems (formal or informal) to help ensure they are not the target of homophobic behaviors, which could prevent them for fully partaking in the educational process. There was classicism in India (elimination of the caste system and how that has affected the employment/status outcome for those who were of higher-caste families...in India, they actually refer to "lower" people as 'BACKWARD,' and apparently everyone wants to be identified with a backward class so they can benefit from reverse discrimination!), media objectification of women and how it affects girls in school, the stigma of BD (behavioral disorders), African American vernacular and how it negatively impacts a person's opportunity for advancement in a non-AA-vernacular world (presented by an African American woman, former high school English teacher, who also provided fabulous ideas on teaching students to code-switch so they know the appropriate vernacular for their setting)...

WOW!

Most of us started another class the following Thursday (10/28) with the same prof. Topic: Cognitive Development of Children. SNORE. Now, please understand: I mean that with all the love in my heart that I can muster. Obviously, knowing how kids' cognition develops is critical to someone in the education field, and perhaps knowing the deviations from the "norm" is even more important to the special ed person. But. Being able to spout out a bunch of theorists' names is NOT my idea of a fun class. Plus, we're going to have A TEST IN THIS CLASS. Ok, to be fair, it IS going to be a take-home test. And we do have 2 weeks in a row where we don't meet (thank you, Thanksgiving--is that redundant?, and the following week for whatever reason), but there's a major load of work to complete for this class and for my Tuesday full-semester class (in which most of my Thursday peers are involved as well).

So. Anyway. After waiting thru the expected "grades are to be posted by midnight Tuesday (11/26)," through the Thursday "welcome to your new class, and by the way--the university hasn't given me access to post your grades yet, and even if I HAD access now, I haven't checked all of your papers yet" conversation, FINALLY yesterday grades were posted and the prof's comments on our papers were available on LiveText. I was happy to see an A, and while I wasn't expecting anything less, I was still biting my nails, so to speak. What if something had gone horrifically wrong with my understanding of APA formatting? What if he smashed my research into the ground, given that I somehow walked into the very topic he is doing his doctoral thesis on? What if he simply thought it SUCKED? (By the way, I tell the kids at school they can say "it stinks," "it reeks," or "it rots," but not SUCKS.) I did lose a few points for my APA formatting issues (I had 2 direct quotes where I didn't use the page number in my parentheses) and didn't realize that, even with a title PAGE, I needed to put the title on the top of my first page. But I still pulled an A. Everything else received an "exemplary" rating, according to the rubric. And I DID list the reference, just not the exact page. So while it wasn't "correct," it still wasn't the dreaded "P" WORD. (Plagiarism, to save you the effort of thinking about it.) He said: Great paper. You address this topic academically and respectfully while not shying away from the brutal truths. I assume I got full participation credit for the course, unless he took away points for being annoying. I am not someone who feels she needs to fill the void every time a question is asked and no one speaks up, but when it seems like NO ONE IS GOING TO ANSWER, EVER, I just might have something to say--even if it's rather banal. "What does 'disability' mean?" *chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp* So, here I go: "Well, if we break the word down, 'dis' means 'not,' 'able' is to have the means to do something, and the 'ity' is a state of being, so 'disability,' literally, is 'not having the skill or power to do something." See? I told you: banal. (I truly did say this, because NO ONE WAS ANSWERING, and this was in the 7th of 8 weeks! C'mon, people!) I lost 2 points on a previous assignment because I didn't talk about how, in my classroom, I should apply information from the inclusion article I reviewed. Duh. I guess it seemed obvious, and I missed that part of the instructions. My presentation on Ableism (how we discriminate against people based on ability) went very well. So out of 100 possible points, I make the assumption that I lost 4-6 points total. Why am I analyzing my grade? Because I'm a freak that way. I might've been an English major in a previous life, but I have a conflicted personality: I need to know the rationalization for certain things.

Now it's on to worrying about tonight's presentation of low-incidence, multiple and severe disabilities--my portion of is about "what do these terms mean, what are the behavioral concerns associated with them, what technology is available and how can it be used in support of these students, and what are the possibilities for their adult life?" My partner is addressing the various categories of disabilities that are covered (traumatic brain injury--TBI for short, deaf/blind, and a few others). I'm REALLY looking forward to it! I still have a paper, a presentation, and a final exam to prep for in this class. GOODNESS, I hope that's all that's left...2 papers, a presentation, and a take-home final in addition to some LiveText-chat-thingy thing we're going to do in the other class...and a Piagetian trial to conduct...

2 Credits Down, 40 More To Go.

Random Thoughts

2010-10-22T05:39:00.004-05:00

Just some random thoughts as I wind down this week....My mind simply isn't capable of more right now!

Why did I not remember to check my alarm time last night? Good thing I heard hubby leaving, because he didn't check on me...I would've been up about 40 min later than I intended to be.

Why is it that the people with the least to say take the most amount of time to do it? (Do not look at the length of my posts. This has nothing to do with blogging. We have the choice to stop reading.) We gave final presentations in class night, and so many missed the mark--take 10 minutes to tell us about your research, and use PowerPoint. (1) Why did 4-5 of you ask questions to "involve your audience"? Last night the onus was ON US to do our own thing. (2) There was only 1 presentation that went beyond 15 min that was coherent, relevant, AND engaging. At about 12 min, mine was one of the shortest...that's unusual for me!

Do I deserve the same grade on my paper as the couple of people whose research (presented last night) didn't seem to connect to their thesis? Prof says "NONE of you should worry" while we wait for final grades to be posted (within a week, we hope). Wow, if these papers are worth 30% of our grade, I'm thinking my reviewed-by-an-English-Department-faculty-member paper should be worth a darn sight more than some others. And if the presentation is worth 15%, I'm thinking my 12-min boom-boom-boom-boom-I-hit-every-point-and-kept-the-prof-nodding-in- agreement presentation that didn't include graphics that hid text and incorporated phrases that I did not read word-for-word should be worth more than those which included literal PARAGRAPHS 21 lines long (yes, I counted...BORED) on them, or that had 15 bullet points read word-for-word, or with graphics that distracted from or obliterated text, or that you hyperlinked so you didn't have to go to the effort of actually CREATING a slide.

Why do I care so much about "justice" for me? If I get what I deserve, isn't that the point? (Now I'll rationalize that statement: I'm paying a hell of a lot for this private university advanced degree...if Student X and I produce work of markedly different quality...well, you see where I'm going.)

Why do some people in positions of power not follow through on their end of the bargain? If I need something from you to make sure I'm doing what YOU want me to do, why do you not respond in a timely fashion (or at all?).

Why do Tween girls think we can't tell who the Mean Girls are? Honey, we know EXACTLY who you are, and paying false compliments with that sweet, innocent smile doesn't fool us.

Why does a Dunkin' Donuts fall sprinkles Munchkin taste good? Those season-y sprinkles are glued to the darn donut, so you don't leave a mess everyplace...they should be a hint that it's not really good for you. But I ate several anyway.

Why do people friend you on Facebook (either your request or theirs) and then delete your comments of encouragement? I'm not talking statements that are potentially offensive to others, or if you put out a wall post that might be a little embarrassing to them or a "too much information" thing, but "you can do it" or "hooray for you" comments added to wall posts they or someone else posted on their walls?

I sure hope it's treat day at school today. I could use me some yummy goodness prepared by someone else. (Teachers at our school sign up to take turns providing Friday treats every other week for staff. Sometimes it's a delectable feast of homemade or well-thought-out fun stuff...other times, it's a few bags of chips with some tubs of dip and salsa.)

That reminds me...I don't think I ever signed up! I've got to check today.

Why does my mother's voice echo in my head when I say, "How could you NOT see that?"

How does a mind function that allows a child to quickly scan a "note to self" on my desk and ask me a ton of questions about it, but not recognize they have not really answered the question I asked them? (This is true, and it's not a smarty-pants thing. This elementary-aged pal has a bona fide disability, and it cracks me up that I can have a "set up kids' flu shots" note on my desk that generates a 5-min conversation because he wants to know how many kids I have, why do they need shots, etc. etc. etc. I really am curious about how that mind works!)

How am I going to make tomorrow morning work? There's a lot going on, and dear hubby didn't remember that I asked if he, Chickie, and Bud would come with me to do a few hours' worth of charity work...he told a client he would take care of some things for them...I forgot Bud has robotics club, and we have an Eagle Scout ceremony to attend in the afternoon. OH, WAIT. I think I figured it out.

I don't want to turn the furnace on yet, even though my feet were freezing at 2:30 and I put fuzzy socks on when I came out of the bathroom. Don't tell dear hubby--I had to break him of wearing socks to bed YEARS ago! (Yuck.)

Why is LiveText considered some kind of gold standard for university accreditation when the directions for use are horrible and the process of using the site is not inherently obvious? When I followed the murky directions and got awful results, I should not have been surprised. But I freaked out, because none of my formatting crossed the magical electronic waves when I tried to copy and paste my paper to submit to my prof the other night. I REALLY FREAKED OUT. Frustrating to follow directions, no matter how crappy they are, and not have any semblance of what you started out with. I ended up doing an attachment instead. (Thanks, Jolene, for telling me that's how you submitted your papers when you did your masters.) THIS is a tool the Accreditation Gods use to determine whether universities are worthy? HOLY COW.

If I check, will I find my midterm grade out on WebAdvisor? (That's for my Tuesday class.)

Why am I still sitting here instead of getting ready for work?

Ok. One last question. Why does my son ask me how an object is experiencing inertia, and when I, the ENGLISH MAJOR NON-SCIENCE PERSON state that it has to do with gravity holding it in place, he corrects me with a drawn-out explanation which was meant to correct my statement? (Yes, I was pulling a very desperate answer from the nether regions, but I was close enough. I did jump in on him and say, "fer cryin' out loud, kid--I knew it had to do with gravity! Cut me some slack!)

Bullying/ Sexual Harassment in Schools

2010-10-15T20:25:00.038-05:00

Wow! Phew! Long time no see!! I missed y'all last week and really wanted to blog, but I was so obsessed with studying for a midterm for one class (ya gotta be kidding me--a MIDTERM?), and with preparing a paper for the other class that...well...Let's just ignore the fact that I haven't done the presentation yet that wraps up the paper. It's a final paper/final presentation...but I'll worry about the presentation tomorrow and Sunday...because THIS is really bugging me. It would've bugged me anyway, regardless of my choice of paper topics, but give me a moment longer before I tell you what "this" is...let me tell you what I decided, WEEKS AGO, to write my paper on:

Supporting Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning Identity

in Adolescent Students

I learned a little something just in beginning to search for articles. I hadn't really thought about transgender/questioning as "part of that group." Shhhh....that part's a secret--the part about "not really thought about." I'm more enlightened as a result of my recent class, and promise to do better. So cut me some slack in the ignorance department...it's just something I never thought about, and now I do.

***Let me at this point interject that what follows are my opinions...they do not necessarily reflect the opinions of my employer, university, or church. They are my THOUGHTS. It's probably going to come off as a TOTAL RANT. But this is how I feel NOW, at 9:34 p.m., on Friday, October 15. So here's the "this" I referred to at the beginning.

One of my best pals passed along the October 18, 2010 People magazine (Vol. 74, No. 14) which tells the horribly tragic story of Tyler Clementi, the Rutgers student who recently committed suicide. HORRIBLY TRAGIC STORY. My blog tonight relates to this issue...please assume (unless I say otherwise) that I am referring to this particular magazine. There were phrases in it that really spoke to me (whether in a gentle way or in a "DAMMIT, TALK ABOUT ME" way), and so this might seem random...but it's not.

By now you all have heard Tyler's story...the Rutgers student who was gay, and whose roommate decided to violate Tyler's privacy by broadcasting the most intimate aspect of his life to the world via webcam. Tyler committed suicide by jumping off the George Washington Bridge.

In the article about Tyler, "A 2005 Harris poll found that 90 percent of gay and lesbian teens feel unsafe in school." This is from p. 56 of "tormented to death?" .... What the hell. Why are we still stuck in the dark ages? Do we not realize that NO ONE CHOOSES THEIR SEXUALITY? Can any of us recall the EXACT MOMENT when we decided this? "hey, I KNOW! I THINK I'M GONNA LIKE GUYS! MY FIRST CRUSH IS BOBBY!" "hmmm... I think I'm GONNA LIKE GIRLS. I'M GONNA HAVE A CRUSH ON BOBBI!"

That's not how it works. So how in the world can our very own children be so cruel? WHEN WE KNOW BETTER, even if it's within ourselves and we're not willing to open it up to others, HOW CAN WE BE RAISING OUR KIDS THIS WAY? If we understand that we do not make the choice to have "interest" in males or females, but it is simply a part of who we are, how is it we aren't teaching our children this? (could it be because, if we are heterosexual, we don't understand the pain that those of the LGBTQ--lesbian/gay/bisexual/transgender/questioning--community go through, and therefore don't know it's important to SAY THE WORDS to our kids?)

P. 58 of the same article..."Clementi once called himself 'practically asexual' in postings on the Internet message board JustUsBoys.com. There, he said, "I honestly don't think people are mature enough to be having sex prior to collegeish years." Uh....somehow, THIS kid didn't seem "right" to be a friend to SOMEONE ELSE'S KID? Holy cow. This kid made a pretty rational and mature statement, as far as I'm concerned. Doesn't matter if you're homosexual or heterosexual. GROW UP BEFORE YOU HAVE SEX. How in the world could Tyler NOT be someone you wanted your kid to hang out with? And what if Tyler were YOUR child?

same page...."Billy Lucas, 15...after the high school freshman hanged himself Sept. 9, friend Jade Sansing told a reporter that bullies at their Greensburg, Ind., school would call Lucas "gay and tell him to go kill himself." **deep breath, VERY slow exhale** My heart breaks for Billy. How many of us heard insulting comments when we were kids, and we went home thinking, "if I didn't wake up tomorrow, no one would miss me"? Poor Billy had it so bad that he didn't think he had any way out.

Dear God, with all of this enlightenment we are supposed to have achieved in the past 40 years, is THIS where we are? We still have children who do not feel loved, or even liked. We still have children who are SO HATED BY THEIR PEERS that they think death is the only way out. WHAT IF BILLY WERE YOUR CHILD? We don't choose our child's sexuality for them. We can't. We need to be there for them if they do not choose what "other people" consider "normal." (What is "normal," anyway? PLEASE.)

And the worst thing on this particular page.... "While Clementi's friends and family grieve, those who knew Ravi and Wei--both popular, solid students--are stunned." *right, because popular kids who are good students COULDN'T be cruel. Ravi 'found irony and dark situations funny,' says his friend Josh Rutstein. 'He's not a monster.'" OMG. What a load of CRAP. What in the world made Clementi dark and ironic? Because he cared about someone else? He wanted a personal connection? Affection? Romance? A friend? Because he had normal, human urges that "some of us" don't consider NORMAL? Do we REALLY think people CHOOSE a path that is going to be this difficult? That will make people treat you poorly? That will make people judge your morals? THAT WILL SEND YOU TO HELL (in some opinions)? Oh, SORRY, Ravi and Wei--we didn't realize YOU were the gatekeepers of morality. If heterosexuality were deemed "inappropriate," how many of us would have the courage to stand up for who we REALLY ARE?

On page 60...Phoebe Prince's legacy...Sean Mulveyhill, the 18-year-old who is up on charges of statutory rape...."Mulveyhill walked right up on the field. He gave his former coach a hug, and then stayed with his old team on the sidelines, running up and down the grass, cheering them on and hooting at every touchdown. 'I was happy he was back with us,' says Alex Parker, a player on the team. 'Everyone loves Sean. Everybody misses him.'" DEEP EXHALE. Where do I start? WHY in the world was he on the field? WHY did his "former" coach not say, "hey, NOT OKAY WITH ME. Go sit in the bleachers with everyone else"? Why was Sean Mulveyhill allowed to run up and down the sideline with his team? If YOU ARE NOT ON THE TEAM, why are you on the sideline? Why in the world is he still accepted as PART OF THE TEAM when he is NOT ON THE TEAM BECAUSE HE IS CHARGED WITH STATUTORY RAPE? I am not suggesting that he be ostracized by the student body or the school. Please understand that. But to be "part of the team"? Is THIS what the team stands for?

Page 63 of the same magazine...history teacher Stephanie Viens says "They don't hate you. They are afraid that they are you." I wish Stephanie's words had been emphasized in the following way: "They are afraid THEY ARE YOU." To me, this indicates that students try to deflect negativity onto other students because they do not want to be even SLIGHTLY perceived as being "ABNORMAL." I remember this much from junior high to high school years...if YOU can blend in, OTHERS LOOK WORSE. Then YOU ARE SAFE. You don't even have to contribute verbally or otherwise--it just HAPPENS. Ms. Viens has the right idea. I hope other educators will read this statement and realize that THEY CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE. They SHOULD make a difference.

Page 67...Joey Kemmerling, age 16...Joey's story tells of sharing his "secret" with a friend, and having the "news" get out to his school. All of a sudden the guy who changes in the locker room next to Joey says, "I don't want you checking me out." Uh...did something CHANGE since last week? Do you REALLY think you're SO HOT that I'm NOW going to check you out out because I outed myself? Joey, please know that not everyone is as ignorant and stupid as that kid.

Confessions of a bully, page 70..."Touching Spirit Bear" is a book I just requested through our library system. Daniel Harrison, the student interviewed, said that after reading this book, "realized who I was, and I hated it." This is after he bullied a young woman who had been a friend for many years prior, all under the guise of "I'm just kidding." This young lady was wonderfully gracious and resumed the friendship after he began to pull himself together, and after he realized HE was the one who needed to change. Daniel now leads a group called Peace-Jam, which studies Nobel Peace Prize laureates.

I hope they study ways to create peace. The article isn't clear on that.

It's a start.

Okay.

So.

What was in Ravi's mind? TRULY. What was in his mind? You planted a webcam, and Tyler found it. You tried to broadcast Tyler's private life A SECOND TIME, and THIS is where it brought you. HERE. Sitting with a very serious charge hanging over your head. Would you have treated Tyler differently if he had had a GIRL in your shared room? You'd have more likely said..."...DUDE....PROPS..." and left him to whatever it was he was doing with a girl. So who made you the "being" who gets to decide what's "right"?

And Wei...the young woman who let Ravi use his webcam on her computer....REALLY? You didn't think there was something WRONG WITH THIS? AND YOU ALLOWED IT A SECOND TIME?

When did we decide that people are worth only what WE decide is okay? And that we can make determinations as we see fit? I understand that people have religious morality considerations...but they go both ways, so to speak.

Sigh...It's SO CONFUSING.

I know I still have a long way to go in really seeing things "transparently"...not seeing differences as THINGS TO CONSIDER, but just knowing that "differences" are a normal part of WHO WE ARE, and recognizing that everyone, regardless of creed, color, race, nationality, sexual orientation, ideal of a family unit, taste in movies, preference of vegetable...okay...I realize that might be simplistic. BUT. Think about it.

Don't we want our kids to look past differences? Don't we want them to understand that differences are what make us interesting? That it really is not up to us, other than to accept others, support them, pray for them...REGARDLESS OF THE CIRCUMSTANCES?

What are WE going to do? WE ADULTS? Can "we" learn to "tolerate" one another? ACCEPT one another? Be transparent?

Why does this even need to be questioned? Why can't we all just get along?

Saturday Step-Offs

2010-10-02T05:02:00.004-05:00

For as grumpy as I felt this week, it would seem this part of the week should be easy! Must've been hormones. But I'll do my best.

STEP OFF, guy on Ogden Avenue who pretended to not know he was in a "right turn only" lane and then cut in front of me so he could bypass the 6 cars that had been between us. You're not the most important person out there. Leave earlier so you don't need to be in a hurry, or just stop being a jerk.

STEP OFF, people who don't move over for emergency vehicles. It's not always easy to get over to the right, but you need to try. At least move over to one side as far as you can, and STOP YOUR CAR. Just because you're moving at 30 mph instead of the posted 45 doesn't mean you've done your civic duty. What if it were YOUR child the ambulance is rushing to the hospital? What if YOUR house were the one burning down? What if you were the one being robbed at gunpoint? Wouldn't you want that ambulance/fire truck/police car to be able to get there quickly?

STEP OFF, kids who don't think their parents will find out how they behave. Do you think you're the only ones who know how to use electronic devices to communicate? Believe me, your mom now KNOWS how you acted, even though you weren't honest about it.

STEP OFF, full calendar. Yes, I know this is my own fault. It's just a bummer that everything seems to come up on the same few Saturdays throughout the fall/winter months, and we're already having to pick and choose.

STEP OFF, ding-dong who lives in the townhouse complex behind us who thinks it's okay to let his dog bark out the window all evening long. I bring my dog in from the yard if he barks...the rudeness factor doesn't change just because your dog is in the house.

STEP OFF, people who dump their work on others but either blatantly take credit or don't recognize the effort of those other people.

STEP OFF, mid-term exam. You might scare me now, but I'll have the last laugh. See you in 12 days, Pal.

STEP OFF, my crazy mind, which thinks it's okay to wake me at 4:30 on a Saturday morning so that I can get working on my projects. I'm trying to take care of you and this uncooperative body, but you're making it difficult. I haven't been able to get by on 5-1/2 to 6 hours of sleep in 20 years, and yet this is what you're doing to me. It's gonna be rough on you (and the family) if you can't settle down.

and some sweetness...

SWEETNESS to Bud, who has all A's on his midterm progress report. Attaboy! Not just because of all A's, but because you're learning to be responsible for your study time and you're getting your work turned in.

SWEETNESS to Chickie, who appears to be holding her own with her school work, too...no midterm progress reports in 5th grade, but I'm sure her teacher would come downstairs and tell me if Chickie weren't on top of things.

SWEETNESS to Chickie, also, for being such a great help to me at work. She has done odds and ends of projects that I just haven't had time to do, and has helped make the reading lab a place the kids want to be.

SWEETNESS to my Diversity/Disability class for doing such great presentations...you're setting the bar high, but Thursday I'm going to meet the challenge!

SWEETNESS, Enzo Salon, for having an open slot so I can get my highlights done before picture day next Friday. I'll be immortalized by LifeTouch looking the age I feel, not the age I am.

SWEETNESS, Chicago Wolves...looking forward to October 16! HOCKEY.......

Love The Way You Lie? Why?

2010-09-24T06:03:00.006-05:00

I heard this song a few weeks ago and thought maybe I missed something.

Heard it again a few days ago, and thought AGAIN that maybe I had missed something. So I decided to look up the lyrics and watch the video.

Wow, is that ever a disturbing song.

Don't get me wrong, I think Rihanna has a beautiful voice, and Eminem has undeniable talent, especially when it comes to talking about a way of life most of us have never seen and will never fully understand. (And that wannabe's wanna live.)

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, almost 1/3 of women who are murdered are killed by someone they are/have been intimate with. And in 70-80% of those murders, those women were abused first. That means 23-26% of women who are murdered in the U.S. are killed by people with whom they have been in abusive, intimate relationships. Another scary statistic is that 30-60% of people who abuse their partners also abuse children. That's a pretty broad range (30-60%), but if it's happening in even 30% of those cases, THAT'S HUGE. And, of course, the lion's share of domestic violence is committed by men.

But what about men who are victims?

If you've seen the video of "Love The Way You Lie," you see that the woman is an active participant in the violence. The Domestic Violence Resource Center says that men and women are equally likely to "strike the first blow" in a domestic violence situation. Are men less likely to report it because they don't want to appear unmanly, or even "girlie"? One study they mention says that "Men and women engage in overall comparable levels of abuse and control, such as diminishing the partner’s self-esteem, isolation and jealousy, using children and economic abuse." If this is accurate, there goes my theory that women are more likely to engage in the mental stuff.

I think it's unfortunate, too, that Eminem portrays this situation as taking place in a pretty impoverished-looking setting. I get that this grittiness is the essence of his music, and speaks to his Detroit upbringing...and that it's a rap thing. But domestic violence happens across the classes. It's very sad that I can't find a true statistic to plug in here...the resounding statement across the various websites is that upper-class individuals are abused, too, but that they have access to more resources than do lower-class individuals and are therefore more able to hide the abuse.

Do you know the lyrics to this song? These people are in a horribly unhappy relationship, and it's an extremely dangerous relationship. I understand that there is fear involved...I have not experienced the situation of having a partner abuse me, but I have known people who have experienced it. The partner threatens to come after their victim, their victim's family, the kids, friends, follows them to work, etc. I also understand that some people think it's "better the devil you know than the one you don't," meaning that "I'm afraid I'll end up worse off than I am now."

I'm not objecting the supposed point of the song--to talk about an abusive relationship. Rihanna said in an interview that Eminem's relationship with his ex-wife, Kim, and its volatility is something she could relate to, given the violent nature of her relationship with Chris Brown. Saying that it's "authentic...real...believable" is, I think, probably spot-on (remember, I don't have first-person experience). But she also said it was "really beautiful."

Oh, my...a song that depicts domestic violence is BEAUTIFUL? He's going to "tie her to the bed and set this house on fire"? BEAUTIFUL?

I call that relationship, and Rihanna's comment, scary as hell.

Please, I get that he is pointing out the cycle of violence and how people get caught in something they don't know how to get out of, that they stay for any variety of reasons (male and female). But I think this video and the song lyrics are a terrifying reminder of how poor self esteem puts us in these situations and then keeps us there. I fail to see the beauty in a couple fighting like animals and then becoming aroused by it. To me, this shows the perpetual cycle--these people must have had violence in their childhood...maybe they observed violence between their parents, were victims of child abuse, neglect, whatever...They think violence is not only normal, but is also an expected part of an intimate relationship.

Maybe Eminem could have taken the song in a different direction--talked about how getting out of the relationship, for himself and for Kim, was POSITIVE. Talked about how to get help. Talked about WHY people need to get out of an abusive relationship.

This could have been an empowering song. Instead, to me, it seems to say "you're doomed--there's no way out."

Saturday Step-Offs

2010-09-24T05:39:00.005-05:00

That was kind of fun last week, and since I feel like karma must be at work in my life, I'm going to have to take it a little easier this week...

STEP OFF to parents who do not teach their kids to respect adults and other kids! There is no reason at all that a bunch of kids should think it's not only fun but absolutely okay to be disrespectful...I spent a full 75 minutes trying to quell downright obnoxious behavior at an evening event that is voluntary.

But SWEETNESS to the parents who responded in the positive to my no-punches-pulled e-mail about what went on, and what MY expectations are.

STEP OFF, political ads! I'm sooooo tired of you already! I'm especially tired of not being able to find links to actual news stories when I try to investigate the more outrageous claims.

SWEETNESS to Jules, my sis/pal! Had a great time socializing and going back to work (sinister chuckle). Glad my son is old enough to do some babysitting. Can't wait to check out the salt cave!

SWEETNESS (lol!! I typed SWEETMESS..that's what it seems like sometimes!) to my gal pals at work...enjoyed our first official after-work-has-started meeting, and the first unofficial after-work meeting! You ladies rock, and I'm SO glad to know you!

STEP OFF to the crazy woman who almost ran me over the other day, and then had the good humor to argue with me over whether she should've been on her cell phone in front of school. You gave me the laugh of the week! (Oh, wait--maybe that should've been SWEETNESS, under the circumstances.)

STEP OFF to Fox News Chicago for becoming fogey-fied. You've been eliminating people the general public likes, and we're going to migrate to WGN for the 9:00 p.m. news. Not that we necessarily prefer Tom Skilling to Mark Strehl, but Bob Sirot? COME ON. We'll take Mark Suppelsa any day.

SWEETNESS to my husband, who is off on his annual football weekend outing with the guys. I hope it's great!

SWEETNESS to my kids...you've been great this week.

Saturday Step-Offs

2010-09-18T06:35:00.003-05:00

Okay, yeah...I'm stealing Sara's Friday Flip-Offs idea and renaming it. I would tag onto her Friday Flip-Offs, but this whole working/going to school/making a half-hearted attempt at helping around the house is wearing on me during the week. I hope Sara isn't offended, but rather flattered! I like the idea of being able to just let all the week's CRAP out. So, if y'all want to throw something out there, I'd love to see what you'd like to unload.

STEP OFF, people who take credit for the work others do! We all know you're doing it, and it'll come back to bite you. Be careful to not burn your bridges.

STEP OFF, stupid gas stations in my area...just because there was a pipeline leak a few towns away doesn't give you permission to jack the prices up 20-30 cents a gallon! It was a small amount, and it would've gone into reserve for a few years. WE KNOW THIS. (I am not excusing the environmental aspect...)

STEP OFF, people who could volunteer to help with something but won't because they're "too busy." The rest of us have to pick up the slack because YOU won't. We're busy, too! If everybody did "just one thing," that's all ANYONE would have to do..."one thing."

STEP OFF, kids who think it's okay to text when they're sitting in a classroom setting.

STEP OFF, adults who tend to personal or work business via BlackBerry and computer while YOU'RE sitting in class. We benefit from one another's input. How about sharing with us?

STEP OFF, nurse at the doctor's office who didn't honor my request to call my cell with lab results. Because didn't hear the message until I got home from work at 5:05 last night, I will now have to wait the entire weekend to call back and make a follow-up and ask about the test you DIDN'T leave info about.

STEP OFF, people who can't figure out that they need to GO HOME at some point. I can't leave until you do, so I'm stuck while you chat with one another.

STEP OFF, parents who aren't sharp enough to figure out Curriculum Night (Open House) isn't the time to address your deepest concerns regarding your child's academic progress. That's what private conferences are for. You don't have to wait until conference time at the end of the quarter--pick up the phone or send an e-mail!

STEP OFF, those of you who don't turn off your cell phones in church. Sometimes we forget...I understand that. But you let your phone ring THREE DIFFERENT TIMES! SERIOUSLY!

STEP OFF, teachers who don't honor the legal requirements of IEP's and 504 Plans. Do you REALLY not understand that they are LEGAL DOCUMENTS, and you could be sued along with your school district? Is that the path you REALLY want to be on?

STEP OFF, people who think their time is more valuable than anyone else's and therefore can't make sure their kids are on time for anything. We're all waiting, but THAT'S OKAY.

STEP OFF, husband's clients who think nothing of calling at 10 p.m. on a Saturday night because they can't connect to the Internet. Or get nasty with him because they are not with-it enough to make sure all their cables are connected properly before they tell him how crappy their computer is, and that IT JUST ISN'T WORKING--HOW DO I KNOW WHAT'S WRONG?

I do need to send out a little sweetness, too...

SWEETNESS to Honda...I took our 4-1/2 year old van in because one of the power doors wasn't working right, and hubby thought something funky was up with the front brakes. It took about 90 minutes, but they fixed the door and checked/adjusted the brakes. NO CHARGE. It's only had one "situation" that was out of the ordinary, and they not only fixed it right away but we were also not charged for it. We've never paid for anything but routine maintenance on this van, and as much as I hate admitting to being a minivan-driving-suburban-soccer-mom (skip the soccer part), it's been a GREAT vehicle. We'll look at Hondas next time we need a car, no doubt.

SWEETNESS to my husband for keeping things rolling at home. I'm trying to learn patience with him and the kids regarding the things I want done that they don't see...I really am. He's patient, even when he thinks I'm a crazy woman. (And he's starting a load of laundry while I sit here in my pajamas. What a sweetheart! I WAS doing homework. I really was.)

SWEETNESS to my co-workers for bringing me donuts and brownies on days this week where I really wanted some comfort food. (This weekend I need to pull it together again.) And SWEETNESS just for being there!

SWEETNESS to my parents and siblings. They're putting up with my ridiculous phone calls between home and school, and I'm really going to try to talk to a few of 'em this weekend when there is TIME FOR MORE.

SWEETNESS to the very kind neighbor who brought us an ethnic dish the other day because our daughters have been comparing what gets cooked in their homes. What a neat lady! I need to make time to talk to her, not just wave as I drive by.

SWEETNESS to my walking buddy neighbor. You're awesome for getting up at 5 a.m. just to hit the sidewalk with me before I get ready for work!

Add on, everyone...Happy weekend!

Ableism, Disabilities, Handicaps, Impairments...

2010-09-17T06:24:00.009-05:00

Well, it's been a while since I've had some time to sit down here...I've been doing some research for a project I need to present in one of my classes, so I've been pretty occupied! I have to do a presentation on ABLEISM. Ableism is defined as "discrimination against individuals with disabilities," according to Merriam-Webster's on-line dictionary. This presentation needs to be done as if I am talking to my students (age group to be determined by yours truly). I have decided to make it hands-on, because...well, let's face it. We're a group of adults, early 20's through...um, my age-ish, and we're TIRED by 9 p.m. and really don't want to sit and listen to a monologue on something we would be reading about on our own, if someone weren't doing a dog-and-pony show for us.

So, as long as I am doing "definitions," let's just define the rest of the stuff...the IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act) defines disability in this way: Child with a disability means a child evaluated in accordance with Sec. Sec. 300.304 through 300.311 as having mental retardation, a hearing impairment (including deafness), a speech or language impairment, a visual impairment (including blindness), a serious emotional disturbance (referred to in this part as "emotional disturbance"), an orthopedic impairment, autism, traumatic brain injury, an other health impairment, a specific learning disability, deaf-blindness, or multiple disabilities, and who, by reason thereof, needs special education and related services.

A handicap, as defined by YourDictionary, is a race or other competition in which difficulties are imposed on the superior contestants, or advantages given to the inferior, to make their chances of winning equal; such a difficulty or advantage;something that hampers a person; disadvantage; hindrance; physical disability.

An impairment, summed up from various sites and sources, is when function is limited (not the "expected" or "normal" function) and affects educational performance. This could be a physical, mental, or emotional impairment.

So...a disability or impairment is something that can't be "controlled," in the sense that someone doesn't CHOOSE to have a disability or impairment. Example: Most people would not choose to have a physical condition which would limit them to using crutches or a wheelchair for mobility, nor would most people choose to be blind or to have an IQ of 60. A handicap, however, is something a person IMPOSES ON SOMEONE ELSE or even on THEMSELVES.

My game plan is to put my "students" into some scenarios...they will act out various roles about how we intentionally or UNintentionally hurt others (discriminate against them) because we say or do something rude or ignorant (using the "unaware" meaning, not the "stupid and rude" one) or set someone apart from the crowd because of their "difference." I'm definitely going to hang onto this presentation, because I could see myself using it sometime in a general education classroom, if given the opportunity.

Unfortunately, I will not have time to share excerpts from some of the books I gathered...but I want to share a bit with you. There are a couple of books I was supposed to get from our school social worker, but it was too late in the day for me to go retrieve them. If I am able to get them, I'll pass along some of the info later via a comment.

From a book called The Thing About Georgie (Lisa Graff, HarperCollins Publishers NY, NY Harper Trophy edition published 2008)...There are "asides" from the narrator (NOT Georgie) that ask you to "do things" so you can understand Georgie. This is from pages 1-2:

"I need you to do me a favor. Yes, you. You'd better do it, too, because I'm not going to let you read any further until you do. Okay, are you ready? Stretch your right arm high up to the sky. Now reach across the top of your head and touch your left ear. Did you do it? Good. Go find a mirror and look at yourself.

Do you see how your arm forms a kind of arch over your head like that? Did you ever realize that your arm was so flexible or that it could reach so far? Did you know you could do that?

Well, Georgie can't.

I thought you should know that before you started reading about him. It's not that Georgie's problems all started because he couldn't touch his left ear with his right hand, but the fact is that he can't. Even if he wanted to.

You can let go of your ear now."

and from page 67...

"Favor time. You have to be wearing shoes for this one, shoes with laces, so go put some on if you need to.

All right, you ready? Untie both your shoes. You can put the book down while you do it. I'll wait for you.

Done? Good. Now, I want you to hold your hands out in front of you and curl your fingers, so you can't see past your knuckles. Then, with your fingers still curled up tight like that, I want you to tie your shoes.

I'm serious. Tie your shoes.

Give up yet? I did. I tried to do it for about fifteen minutes. It's really hard. Anyway, that's why Georgie's shoes are Velcro. Just thought you should know.

You can straighten out your fingers now."

***End of Georgie excerpts***

There were many more parts that made me sigh. Georgie has dwarfism. Obviously he has a lot of struggles, being a school-aged kid...people are mean, insensitive, unaware...and he is "victim" to all sorts of things he has no control over because he is living in a "normal" world. Whatever that means.

Here's another book called out of my mind, by Sharon M. Draper (Atheneium Books for Young Readers, NY NY, 2010). Something I want to point out to you is the beauty of some of the words...just watch for it. This first excerpt is pages 1-2.

"Words.

I'm surrounded by thousands of words. Maybe millions.

Cathedral. Mayonnaise. Pomegranate.
Mississippi. Neapolitan. Hippopotamus.
Silky. Terrifying. Iridescent.
Tickle. Sneeze. Wish. Worry.

Words have always swirled around me like snowflakes--each one delicate and different, each one melting untouched in my hands.

Deep within me, words pile up in huge drifts. Mountains of phrases and sentences and connected ideas. Clever expressions. Jokes. Love songs.

From the time I was really little--maybe just a few months old--words were like sweet, liquid gifts, and I drank them like lemonade. I could almost taste them. They made my jumbled thoughts and feelings have substance. My parents have always blanketed me with conversation. They chattered and babbled. They verbalized and vocalized. My father sang to me. My mother whispered her strength into my ear.

Every word my parents spoke to me or about me I absorbed and kept and remembered. All of them.

I have no idea how I untangled the complicated process of words and thought, but it happened quickly and naturally. By the time I was two, all my memories had words, and all my words had meanings.

But only in my head.

I have never spoken one single word. I am almost eleven years old."

From pages 3-4:

"I can't talk. I can't feed myself or take myself to the bathroom. Big bummer.

My arms and hands are pretty stiff, but I can mash the buttons on the TV remote and move my wheelchair with the help of knobs that I can grab on the wheels. I can't hold a spoon or a pencil without dropping it. And my balance is like zip--Humpty Dumpty had more control than I do.

When people look at me, I guess they see a girl with short, dark curly hair strapped into a pink wheelchair. B y the way, there is nothing cute about a pink wheelchair. Pink doesn't change a thing.

They'd see a girl with dark brown eyes that are full of curiosity. But one of them is slightly out of whack.

Her head wobbles a little.

Sometimes she drools.

She's really tiny for a girl who is age ten and three quarters.

Her legs are very thin, probably because they've never been used.

Her body tends to move on its own agenda, with feet sometimes kicking out unexpectedly and arms occasionally flailing, connecting with whatever is close by--a stack of CDs, a bowl of soup, a vase of roses.

Not a whole lot of control there.

After folks got finished making a list of my problems, they might take time to notice that I have a fairly nice smile and deep dimples--I think my dimples are cool.

I wear tiny gold earrings.

Sometimes people never even ask my name, like it's not important or something. It is. My name is Melody."

Melody's story is full of irony, and she has a wry sense of humor. She also has cerebral palsy.

I would love to share both of these books with a class someday. They aren't going to change the world, but they could change someone's view of "other people" who "have problems" that might "go away if I don't look." That goes for the people AND the problems.

We get so uncomfortable around people who have "problems." I did a little digging to try to make the point that sometimes disabilities aren't noticeable, and that if "other people" are open-minded about the person who has a disability, we can look past a disability (literally or figuratively) to see the person's value. Just like we want others to see in us.

Here's what I found...David Beckham has OCD. SERIOUS OCD. Danny Glover--dyslexia and epilepsy. John Mellencamp--spina bifida. Bill Hewlett (of Hewlett-Packard)--ADHD. Charles Woodson--club foot. Keira Knightley--LD. Peyton Manning--cleft palate. (There were a few others, but I'll stop there.) Now, I'll admit I didn't verify each and every tidbit at another website. But imagine if Bill Hewlett had allowed his ADHD to stop the computer development process. Or if John Mellencamp didn't perform because his spina bifida is too painful. Or if Keira Knightley and Danny Glover (and Henry Winkler, for that matter) had let their learning disabilities get in the way of reading scripts. And on and on.

We so readily accept these folks because they're famous, and cool, and attractive, and--acceptable. Why can't we accept the ordinary Joe who might need help getting through a doorway with their wheelchair or crutches? Why do we tsk-tsk and feel nothing but pity for a friend who has a child with a birth defect such as club foot or cleft palate? We stop at these disabilities and defects, and let them define the PERSON.

I think what's really happened is that we've defined ourselves.

Not that I'm perfect, not that I NEVER notice a disability, not that I don't discriminate against a person due to their disability. Some disabilities are hard to miss, and the times I do discriminate are unintentional. It's usually a misguided sense of trying to "help." And sometimes it's hard to keep thoughts out of your mind, like if so-and-so didn't have a learning disability, I'd be able to get through to them, and what they heck do they WANT from me?

But the more my eyes open to specific situations, even those fictitious situations of Georgie and Melody, the more I want to try to do the right thing in the real world.